


Were you born to resist or be abused?

by Butterhawk



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Bromance, Brutality, Choking, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Fix-It of Sorts, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren is a bully, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Post-Concussion Syndrome, Slow Burn, Typical First Order fascism, gore?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:07:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 55,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterhawk/pseuds/Butterhawk
Summary: Kylo Ren has been given a new chance at life. Instead of dying with the girl maybe he should live with the man? In the meantime, he stays true to his knights and they tolerate his fixation with his toy-General as Ren can't seem to function without him.
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 51
Kudos: 174





	1. Bad Company

**Author's Note:**

> Still no beta-reader. I wouldn't even know where to look for one. If you're interested then PM me <.<  
> And thank you Reknis for your encouragements.

While he was dying in Reys arms he had but one thought - This is not the ending that I wanted. 

There is no peace to be had in death, not as Kylo Ren and especially not as Ben Solo. 

At that moment he felt he was neither, that he was dying in yet another cage someone else had made for him. Someone claiming they know him. 

Slowly but desperately he started to struggle, to claw his way back from whatever was waiting for him on the other side. 

The Force was pulling at him. It had been gentle and compelling at first but now it was tugging violently and he thought he could feel the bones in his body break, muscles tearing and the sound bones cracking, of tendons snapping and the crashing headlong downwards.

**

The story of when Leia and Luke saved Han from the old Hutt seemed to be one of his parent's favourites as they told it over and over again. Chandrila became the capital of the new Republic so it didn’t come as a surprise that the couple chose to stay there after they found out Leia was pregnant. 

Ben Solo had been an unruly child, never feeling quite safe and always crying, thus keeping everyone awake. He was spindly when he grew older, always the tallest - never the strongest. Leia and Han hardly ever had time for him and it made him insecure and mean. 

Leia tried to use the Ewoks as a sort of good night story when she wanted to be a hands-on mom, but it always ended up giving him nightmares. These bear-like creatures in the woods that apparently ate human flesh. How could she possibly think that they were cute? 

After the “last battle” at Endor; they must have had enough storm troopers to snack on for years. 

Ben had kept imagining these troopers having families who were waiting for them to come home, not knowing that their father, brother or son had been killed and eaten. 

Furry little, disgusting monsters. 

He doesn’t want to remember his time as Ben. However, some night he still wakes up and hears the telltale jingle from Moray and Faz, a Holonet show that Han put him in front of when he couldn't bother to play dad, or the angry shouts from yet another quarrel between Leia and Han, usually about him. 

No. 

Correction, about Ben. 

It makes him feel weak and afraid. It makes him angry and vicious. They never loved him, they never cared. Not even uncle Luke; who even tried to murder him in his sleep. 

He had felt mad with fear, grief and rage. On the verge of becoming what he needed to be but not quite there yet. Not until Voe, Hennix and Tai came after him, to avenge Luke or to force him back to the Jedi school he had left in ruins. They didn’t care about him either. 

It didn’t help with his insecurities that he was mocked by the old leader of the ‘Rens’. So much that he in a rage killed him as well and then claimed ownership of the group.

There was some odd sense of comradeship to be found there though, after he got used to the others and their ways. 

He found a friend in Vicrul, the youngest of the knights who was still older than him. They are similar in thought, they both prefer action before careful consideration, they both jump headfirst into battle and only think about the repercussions afterwards. 

He cared. 

They did everything together. 

They shared everything. 

Vicrul even tried to show him the pleasure of spirits and easy women and for a while; it was their thing, until Snoke put a stop to it with his talk about discipline. Hadn’t he left that behind when he went against the Jedi order? 

The intimacy of the physical kind wasn't allowed for the Jedi’s either. No using the force for personal reasons, no emotions, no possessions, and so the list went on. 

While they travelled to Albrekh together, the Symeong armorsmith who was one of the few left that knew how to use Sith alchemy; Vicrul scoffed at it. Ren and five of the knights were sitting together, Trudgen leaving Kuruk at the controls.

“Through passion, I gain strength - what’s more passionate than a woman bouncing on your lap?” He was crude but Ren found himself smirking as Trudgen sat down next to him.

Shifting in his seat Vicrul continued “Through strength, I gain power.” 

“All you gain is blue balls, Vicrul” Said Ushar, looking up from the chessboard, she looked smug and a curse from her opponent, Cardo, told why.

They were on the prison-ship they had commandeered and tried changing to their own needs and taste, everyone had their own quarters since the Oubliette-class transport was large enough for it, a common room for eating and relaxing together, a smaller one for solitude or meditation. It stretched out almost thirty-six meters in length and six meters in depth. Very much like the Millennium Falcon, Ren had thought before swiftly pushing it out of his mind. He liked Night Buzzard, he liked her rugged look.

It was more about function than the aesthetic of it, cords were visible, switches and nodules in the midst of the chaos of trinkets and weapons, parts used for repairs or droids they’ve gotten tired off. It wasn't chockablock but it was damn near it. The lighting was at fifty to sixty percent to save energy and therefore making it damn hard to stay awake at times during the flight.

“All I’m saying is; we will be passing Glee Anslem on our way to Iridonia…”  
  
“Too hot!” Cardo sighed. 

“Yeah and the nautiloids look weird. They lay eggs, you know?” Ap’lek was sharpening her axe and had so far been quiet the whole trip. It wasn’t anything new, she observed rather than spoke and usually came up with brilliant plans and interesting information. This was clearly not one of those times. 

“Right…” Vicrul looked like he was picturing it, a nautiloid woman squatting down to squeeze out an egg. “Let’s not go there. Ever.” He leaned back and sighed before he suggested a planet they had visited many times before.“Keitum?”

“That’s not really on the way through, we’ll have to spend at least six more hours in hyperspace.” Ushar got up, leaving Cardo to stare at the board in disbelief before he smashed his fist through it in anguish and stalked out to Kuruk.

“It’s Kylo’s call.” Vicrul raised his chin, knowing the leader would side with him just as he always sided with the younger and the female knight knew this too, that's why she nodded through gritted teeth.

“Ap’lek, let’s leave the men to their... games.” She turned towards their rooms and the other grabbed her axe and walked after her, ever the diplomat. 

Kylo glanced towards Trudgen who was sleeping by the looks of it before he turned to Vicrul. None of them wore their helmets with only them there and the Pantoran smirked and raised his finger to his lips, obviously not wanting to wake the sleeping giant. 

_“-I know what you want.-”_ Ren reached out through the Force and Vicrul grinned as he shrugged. “- _What can I say? You know I like to watch.-”_

Ren did know. It was another thing they did together, usually sharing the same woman too. 

They ended up doing a kind of compromise. They went to Iridonia first to take care of business, new gear, repairing old ones, the usual. Albrekh’s work was always impressive. He lived in the old Sith tunnels that connected the old temples that had long since turned into ruins. The planet was brutal and unforgiving, much like the Zabraks who called it their home planet. 

The surface was dry, lacking in life with pools and seas of acid. The air was breathable but left a bad taste in the mouth even with a mask on. 

Ren didn't like looking at the remnants of the old Sith Academy. Much like the temples, it had fallen out of use and without regular maintenance it crumbled under the constant assault of the sour rain. 

They stayed the night while Albrekh worked, training or meditating. Vicrul was tense, eager to get going. 

It took a few hours before they made it to Nenas in the town of Shurnard on Keitum. It lay tucked away from the busy markets - where one could find everything from forgeries to the real thing - in the more seedy district.

Nena was an old Zabrak who took regular trips back to his home planet, which he would never let anyone forget. His hair was dark and long even though it was growing thin with age, the facial tattoos less defined and his eyes watery yellow. 

He spoke basic with a heavy accent, always grinning widely when the knights walked through the door. 

“My friends! It has been a while, no?” He held his arms out in a hearty gesture but Ren knew better.

Still, Nena always knew what they wanted and how to get it. He had “the touch” as he liked to call it himself. The touch meaning force sensitive, though it wasn’t enough to let him do more than read the moods of the people around him. 

He had new gadgets for the women, books for Ap’lek and torture devices for Ushar. Trudgen liked betting on the fights that went on in the basement and Cardo went with Kuruk to look at new cannons they could install on the Buzzard. That left Ren with Vicrul with two female Zeltrons, one pink and the other redder. They giggled as their pheromones filled the air in the room they were in, teasing them before the clothes came off.

Zeltrons were always a shifty race as one never for certain could know if it was them or their pheromones one was attracted to. Their major exports were luxury items, spirits of all kinds and something called ‘Elixir of infatuation’, it was odorless, colorless and flavorless and it lasted for hours. The person who drank it would apparently feel instant attraction to the first person he or she saw meaning most of the time the perpetrator was easy enough to apprehend.  
  
But there were always those just willing to watch, like Vicrul. 

**

“What’s the terrain?” Ren was leaning over Kuruk in the cockpit of the Night Buzzard

Cardo was co-pilot and started eyeing some readings before shrugging. “Cliffs, canyons, mountains. It's deceptively calm.”

“Are we sure this is the right planet?” _We,_ they were a team. 

“Yeah, take a closer look at the surface.” Vicrul was standing next to Kylo and Ap’lek next to him. It was already a small space to begin with, having three extra bodies in there didn’t help. None of them could be called little and with their gear and armor on they were bumping into each other constantly.

Dark side corruption had twisted the few plants that remained. Some of the massive rocks had taken unnatural shapes and some even resembled petrified bodies.

The Night Buzzard landed with a groan and a hiss and they all went to the hatch while Kuruk did a swift post-check before joining them as the large hatch lowered and Vicrul gripped tighter on his scythe. “Right, let’s go burn something,”

**

They mostly scouted the Outer Rim since the core-worlds seemed pointless. There were always patrols checking papers thus making it both harder for them and whatever prey they had at that moment. People always fled to the Outer Rim and it was there they found the biggest rewards, plundering without a second thought.

It was easy to let go and just follow along with the pack. They were expertly moving as a tight unit now, always knowing where the other members were, with Kuruk using his blaster rifle to watch over them.

But all good things have to end sometime.


	2. Bad Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts and feelings, tea and droids.

Kylo went alone when the time came to travel to the Finalizer and his new position. Snoke was tightening his grip on the young force-wielder. He wanted Ren to become a powerful weapon in his arsenal, something he believed wouldn’t happen as long as he and the knights stayed together. Playing around, as he called it. 

In the meantime, he would train the knights himself to ensure they were up to the standard fitting his apprentice. Or so he claimed. 

He missed them, especially Vicrul but the knight said he would be there the first chance that he got. They were brothers, no matter how far apart.

**

The first time Kylo met Hux; he felt like the Force was trying to tell him something, to push him forward. The General felt like a black hole, tearing through space and time, and the force-wielder had no choice but to gravitate around him, fearing that moment he would be sucked into the event horizon and cease to exist for himself. 

Han Solo had used those words when describing the first time he saw Leia and it didn’t feel good to remember.

Then the General turned out to be an asshole. Grabby and despotic, unwilling to share power unless forced to do so. 

He, of course, saw it only fitting as Ren -in the General's mind, was a babbling, large, idiot with no patience and no brains. 

Also, he hated the mask. 

Ren shut him out after that. He didn’t want to hear it.

But he could not deny the feeling of  _ want,  _ the emptiness it brought with it. It was like drinking sweet poison, pure and simple. He thirsted for more even though it was killing him.

However, smashing things turned out to be an excellent way to vent his frustration and anger. It was also a great way of getting the attention of Hux, not in the way he wanted it but beggars can’t be choosers, can they? Besides, he loved watching the general get angry. That pale face was always the same as he was outstanding at hiding his thoughts and emotions. But his earlobes never lied. 

The angrier he got, the pinker they got.

He was waiting and hoping the General would lose it one day but it seemed he was just setting himself up to be disappointed as Hux showed to be impossible to break. 

But Ren was damned if he'd stop trying and so started the destructive habit of pissing the General off, escalating into something he couldn’t quite control. 

He made a habit of showing up during Hux’s shift, questioning his decisions just to piss him off. Sometimes it’s even enough to just stand behind him to see those little hairs rise on his neck. 

He also finds another tell; Hux likes to straighten and adjust his parade-uniform. The charcoal grey military tunic and the jodhpurs. The times he gets physical with the General when he throws Hux into a wall or makes him stumble; the red-head pulls on the arms of his jacket and clears his throat. Afterwards, he does a mental countdown to get his face under control and bounces back up like it was nothing. It pisses the knight off.

What’s more annoying is the mental fortress that the General has, it’s a maze and somewhat challenging to penetrate when Hux is actively shielding his thoughts.

**

There is a certain scent to Lord Ren, it’s not bad, he doesn’t smell unwashed. It’s not a stink, but there is  _ something _ , a primal musk? Burnt ozone and rage, the dried blood on a robe he doesn’t seem to wash? Hux can’t put his finger on it but he can always smell it and it makes something tighten in the pit of his stomach. 

Is it fear?

He’s not certain and he abhors that mask on the knight’s face. He detests that he can’t read him and decide how to treat him. 

”He wears blood, death and gore like it’s his own personal perfume” Phasma complains one day after a mission. 

“Is there something wrong with your filtration system?” He answers, deliberately obtuse and allows Phasma to glare at him before he smirks at her. 

They share the same love of Tarine tea and usually meet over a cup in one the smallest boardrooms, sometimes even spiking it with whiskey if it had been ‘one of those’ weeks. 

What he would not give for a cup of caf from Jasko’s though. If that place was still open. 

Jasko must be old and grey by now, his place had always been busy with students from the academy just two klicks away from the Scaparus port on Arkanis. Brendol had hated the place, so naturally, Hux had loved it. 

“Does he even shower?” She asks with half a sneer. 

“I don’t know, do you want me to ask him?” He sighed, resting his face in his palm now that no one else was around. 

“Kark no! What’s wrong with you? You’re no fun today at all.” 

“I know and I do apologise. ‘Lord’ Ren told me he’ll be bringing one of his knights on board and I’ve had a migraine ever since.”

“Ouch!” She refilled their cups, exquisite tableware in porcelain from Cantonica. Hux remembers how he had to spend a small fortune to have them shipped over.

“Yes… it’s becoming increasingly irksome.” He leans forward and nods when she pulls forth a flask and dangles it in front of him, silently asking permission to pour some of its content into the tea. She’s in her armour but the shiny helmet is lying next to her on a chair of its own. Hux is warming his hands on the cup before he takes a sip. He wished he had his greatcoat but a certain feline had made it her primary target while protesting against his longer work shifts. It was being cleaned.

“Assign the knight to a room near Kylo Ren’s, clear one of the less used training rooms and have them work their aggressions out there?”

“If it hasn’t worked with Kylo Ren, why do you think it will work when he brings his-” He tries to find a more fitting word for the Ren-knight, only to avoid more headache in the future. “Playdate?”

She laughs, loud and rich and he feels himself relaxing to that sound. Without her, life on the Finalizer would be absolutely dreadful. 

“Lord Ren and his playdate. Now, this I have to see!”

**

The knight wanted to receive Vicrul alone but Hux says they have protocols for a reason. Sighing inside of his mask, Ren accepts it and thus finds himself flanked by Captain Phasma and the General when Vicrul walks out of the shuttle.

Hux almost takes a step back before tightening his hands. Why did this man feel so much worse than Lord Ren? The force-users were almost the same height, both dressed entirely in black, and like the first, he also had a mask and a helmet. He wore a coat made from the skin of some reptilian, a blaster strapped to his hip and sported what looked like a scythe. Horripilation came and went on the General and when the Lord of the knights turned to introduce Vicrul; Phasma stepped closer, just an inch taller than the men but taking full advantage of it. 

“Captain?” Ren’s helmet tilts to the side as he watches the woman.

“The General has a busy schedule, I’ll show you to your room. This way please.” She turns to leave and Hux can feel his pulse slowing as he watches them go.

They walk in silence through the halls of the Finalizer, the droids roll on but the officers and the stormtroopers stop to salute them before quickly going away. It’s the fear that Vicrul projects, he doesn’t know how to shut it off and Ren smirk inside of his helmet as the people almost scurry off. If it affects Phasma then she doesn’t show it, never changing her pace and never looking over her shoulder. He can see why Hux favours her. 

The inside of the giant ship is glossy black with subtle lights, everything has a place to be and because of that it can never be messy, or so the General likes to remind him. It’s sleek and uncompromising, everything one would expect from a ship in the service of the First Order. 

The rooms of the troopers are placed closer to the bay for easy access to the hangar, so is their training rooms, mess hall and their armoury. The officers slept closer to the bridge on another level entirely so the two wouldn’t have to meet more than what was necessary. Then there were the engineers and everyone else needed to make the ship run as smoothly and efficiently as possible. 

“This is one big ship.” Vicrul begins, no doubt wondering what Phasma looked like under that armour. 

“It is.” She replies dismissively but it only makes him try harder.

“How many people work here?”

“At the moment we have eighty-two thousand on board.”

Vicrul whistles then shake his head, feeling a mental nudge from Ren.

“- _ I wouldn’t bother, Phasma doesn’t mix work with pleasure, brother.-” _

_ “-She seemed defensive enough of that dainty General of yours.-” _

Ren swallows, tries to censor his thoughts but it’s too late and Vicrul gives him a surprised hum before going quiet. Phasma shows them to the knights quarters, seeing as it's just next to Ren’s he doesn’t see why she had to come along in the first place but she leaves without asking them if they need anything. No doubt itching to get back to Hux. 

They lock the door and Vicrul removes his helmet before sitting down on a black couch that came with the room. He doesn’t look around as Ren doesn’t have much personal stuff and he has seen the disturbing mask of Lord Vader before. 

“You never told me that the General intrigued you so.” The Pantoran removes his gloves, he’s grinning slightly and Ren frowns as he removes his own helmet. He doesn’t know what to think but he knows Vicrul is trying to be careful and tiptoe around it since he’s using his words. 

“I didn’t know he did. I still don’t,” he answers.

“I have never seen you this frustrated before, it’s fun.”

“It’s not fun!” Ren growls, looking glum and Vicrul leans over to playfully punch him on the shoulder.

“Oh come on, Kylo. You’re flustered over a pretty piece of ass. That has got to be the first, maybe you and I should take a few days off and visit a pleasure house? Get away from this ship with its gorgeous giants..”

Ren scoffs “You don’t stand a chance with Phasma.”

“Want to bet?” Vicrul smirks before remembering Ren's connection to the Force. Betting against him had always been a bad idea and he scratches his forehead instead. “Yeah, no... let’s not.”

They don’t go right away, instead, they catch up on things and when Kylo mentions Snoke the other always tries to avoid the subject, joking about one of the other knights or something they did together a long time ago. It usually starts with ‘Do you remember that time-’ and ends with ‘-We should do it again, someday.’ and he agrees. It had been a simpler time.

Most days are spent in the training room and Ren feels his mood change for the better. Fighting is simple, he can do it with his eyes closed. All he needs to do is follow the flow, listen and react. Vicrul is like him which is probably why they get along as they do. Both can go on fighting for hours.

**

Lord Ren and his knight are away when they hear about a map. Hux sends off a small squadron and Phasma to fetch the knight and to take him to Jakku. The red-head later receives a report from Unamo on the bridge; Kylo Ren is on his way with his knight and the others.

So far so good. Hux can feel his headache get a little better, almost.

The force-users bring someone with them back and Hux lingers outside of the interrogation rooms, anxious about moving forward. They have a droid for this but the Lord insists on doing it himself, letting the droid stand dormant at one side. The rooms are soundproof but there is a small window in the door where the ginger can see the force-wielder raising his hand and the captured pilot silently screaming in pain or maybe sheer terror?

“You’re that curious?”

Hux turns around and sees the other force-user, he doesn’t feel as uncomfortable now as he did in the hangar but he doesn’t like being here alone with him. If something happens, surely Kylo Ren will be on his knight’s side and not the Generals? 

“Not really, no. Vicrul was it?”

“That’s right.”

“What is he doing in there?” He’s not sure he actually wants to know but he has to have some reason to be there and there is another mask staring him down now, unnerving him.

“You want the long version or the short, General?” 

He clears his throat instead of answering the question. The interrogation is done and Hux feels a sort of horror when he sees Lord Ren turns and walks towards the door, towards him, hood drawn up and hulking in size. It’s like being back at school with the two worst bullies on your tail. 

“It’s in the droid. The BB-unit”

Ren is annoyed and it radiates off him like immense heat, like being too close to an ion-engine or a reactor.

He turns the mask against him and Hux straightens, puts his arms behind his back and almost clicks his heels together as he raises his chin. It makes Ren step closer, using his size to try to intimidate him. Internally he is cringing but produces a haughty smirk.

“Well then, If it’s on Jakku we will soon have it.”

“I’ll leave that to you. “ He starts walking away but then adds “Don’t mess it up.” over his shoulder.

The General sneers as he turns around to walk back to the bridge. ‘Lord’ Ren can go get his own karking droid for all he cares.

By the time he arrives at the bridge the ship is in a disarray. One of the troopers has taken the prisoner and one of the TIE-fighters. There's shooting in the hangar and he can hear the wailing of the alarm and the sounds of blasters being shot when he tries to contact Phasma.

“It is FN-2187. He’s defected and taken the resistance pilot with him.” She sounds a lot calmer than he feels and he curses.

“Find him and kill him before he humiliates us both!” he hisses in his comm before turning back towards the bridge-personal, hearing that the scum has taken out the turbo lasers. Ren stalks in shortly after and Hux can’t bring himself to say that he knows, instead ‘they are checking the registers’ but the knight knows and Hux scramble to get his mental wards up.

He has a short public talk with Phasma when she enters the bridge and they look through the files of soldiers. No doubt they will be talking more openly in private later on and he’s wondering if he should recondition them all, just in case there are more rotten eggs in that batch.

After officer Unamo brings him the good news of the fighter at least being hit he brings her to the hangar to estimate the damages and the cost, what the technicians can fix right away and what has to be ordered. He points and she types it into the datapad, new TIE-fighters costs sixty thousand credits, each. Each! Not to mention the control board over the hangar and the lives of the soldiers they lost. 

Hux tries not to take it personally but he is in charge of the trooper-program that his father started. Or rather; he upgraded it with some chosen parts from the program he had liked. FN-2187 had come from batch eight and he had trained under Phasma which usually made them especially ruthless, so what had happened to this one? The headache starts to grow in force again and he thinks about his cat Millicent and the Gylocal in his room, the illegal stimulant that also worked as a pain-suppressor. At the end of his shift, he was going to--

“General,”

He is yanked from his thoughts by a dark voice coming from behind a mask and he looks up from staring at the numbers on Unamo’s pad without really seeing them.

“Not now, Ren.” He has neither the time nor the energy to deal with whatever the knight wants at the moment and he turns to walk away only to find himself unable to move another inch and he sees Unamo in the corner of his eye. “You are dismissed. If I need you I will call for you later.” He doesn’t want her to see him like this. Doesn’t want anyone to. It’s cheating! And it's utterly childish and unacceptable.

“Unhand me at once, you brute!”

“Then don’t walk away from me, General.” He answers almost with a shrug like this is nothing and Hux feels the grip around him start to soften. 

“I have a busy schedule so I would appreciate it if you booked an appointment.” He pulls on the arms of his parade-uniform, feigning not to be disturbed by this at all.

“Oh kark off, General. I will speak to you when I want to.”

‘And there is nothing you can do about it.’ He doesn’t say it but the ginger hears it all the same and he sighs before pinching the bridge of his nose.

Kylo Ren is going to be the death of him. He just knows it.

There is a noise from the knight and Hux doesn’t know how he should label it but it does seem to be a sort of sigh. A big, gloved hand is suddenly reaching towards his head, just as the force-wielder had done with the resistance pilot and Hux feels an urge to scream so powerful that he has to bite his lip to the point of bleeding; just to shut it in. 

He had pinched his eyes shut, pulled up his shoulders like that would save him and held his breath in. Only to relax it all when suddenly there is a relief. He can’t remember the last time he’d felt so tranquil and buoyant, so impervious that a smile now tugs at one of the corners of his mouth. 

Then suddenly it hits him. Lord Ren did this. What else did he do when he was in there?!

He gives the knight a worried look before swiftly walking back to the bridge. The knight doesn't follow him, at first. 

Then they are arguing again, back and forth with snide remarks. Ren has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t care about the lives behind the white armour. That life doesn’t matter at all, not when it comes to what he wants. 

Just how far is the knight ready to go? Would he go against Snoke? All for a mystical map to a mystical man. 

A map Kylo Ren suggests he gets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	3. All of this could be yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone on the ship is a nasty one, brandy with Phasma, a dream, the speech, Moray and Faz.

Long into beta-shift he finally allows himself to take a breather. He’s been working tirelessly for over fourteen hours and he’s supposed to take the alpha-shift again in the morning.

That’s about ten hours away though, he can do that. 

But he feels the need to unwind, to tend for himself as Dr Omatot calls it. 

‘Write a journal - make a list over the day’s triumphs, play, clean your teeth and wash your face.’ 

‘I beg your pardon?!’ 

‘My wife’s a psychiatrist.’ 

‘My condolences.’

Hux had tried writing, but it had all turned into reports. He cleaned his teeth and washed his face daily which only made him wonder who didn’t and he had begun watching the junior staff closer to see if one of them was the filthy perpetrator. It had to come from somewhere? Why would the doctor remind people to do it otherwise? 

However, Omatot did seem a bit on the neurotic side. 

What did work was indulging in long showers before snuggling up on the sofa with Millicent purring contentedly on his lap while he was doodling on some schematic. Sometimes he smokes, most of the time he drinks. He has a bottle of Alderaanian wine but doesn’t want to open it for anything but a special occasion. The sunberry wine from Endor was a favourite but did seem a bit too cheerful toasting the death of his enemies with. Mostly he drank Savareen brandy, as it was easy to come by and the seagrapes reminded him of home, of Arkanis. 

Brandy was also the thing he used this evening and he was pouring himself a glass when the door chimed and he could see Phasma on the datapad through a camera planted so that he could see who or what was outside. 

“Perfect, I see I’m just in time.” She says after being allowed entry and removes her helmet and drops it on the sofa. Millicent is fast to make it a home, squeezing in so her furry tail is all that remains outside. “Who’s my silly baby?” The captain smiles and sits down after Hux hands her a glass.

His room is elegant and in black with details in light blue-grey. Always neat and tidy and with anything that might consider personal in discreet cupboards. He didn’t like rooms that showed traces of anyone living there and this was the military. Not that Millicent gave two credits about his penchant for order.

Phasma downs half of her drink in one go and wrinkles her nose with a pleasing sound. Then it’s time for business “Well, this was a shit show.”

“You’re telling me, you’re not the one who has that beast breathing down your neck.” He makes himself as comfortable as he can with the uniform still on and on a couch chosen for the look of it and not the pleasure it provided and the captain is in her armour so he can’t really complain out loud. 

“I had a date tonight.”

“Pardon?!”

“Do you know how long it took for me to pin down that little pilot? Then to make her agree to see me--” She sighs heavily “Hopefully she’ll make it back in one piece.”

“What is her name?” He puts his glass down on the shiny black table and instead reaches for his datapad.

“Ceclin Moorlun, but what ar--”

“She has made contact with the ship and is on her way back as we speak.”

“That’s my Flygirl.” Phasma raises her glass for a single toast, smiling in a way that Hux hasn’t seen in a long while and he lowers his gaze to the rapport.

“Seems they are empty-handed though. I hate to be the one having to tell Lord Ren.”

“Ha! Stars yes. I wouldn’t trade that for all the shiny things in the galaxy.”

**

When Hux starts alpha-shift in the morning the first thing he gets any reports about are broken equipment. He was expecting as much and almost chuckles before feeling the sudden need to straighten his back or duck and cover. He’s in his office with the panorama view of the bridge, drinking caf while going through the gamma-reports so who…? Ah. 

Vicrul is standing with his arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe and Hux can’t help but move one hand closer to the alarm button under his desk. 

“Anything new about the droid, general?” He’s not as good as Ren at sounding casual and mocking at the same time. Vicrul didn’t have a clear motive for coming here, obviously, he just made one up, or so Hux suspects.

Why?

Or has he been sent to pester him while Kylo Ren is busy doing stars knows what or maybe he is sweet on someone on the bridge? He’s not obtuse, he has heard the rumours, it seems the Ren-knight hasn't met a woman he hasn’t liked so far and it makes Hux peer down at the other officers in wonder. 

“General?”

“No. Who is it?”

“Who is what, General?”

“Who are you here to see? Which one of these poor women do I have to reassign to make sure your presence is not a repeating recurrence? Hmm?”

”And if I’m here to see you, Hux?” He takes a step inside the office and the ginger feels like his caf is threatening to come back up again. 

“That’s -General Hux- to you and you can tell your Master that there hasn’t been any sign of the droid in the last—“ he checks his datapad “— nine hours. Now, get!”

“So small yet so feisty, it’s starting to make sense now.” 

“Get out, Vicrul or I will have you removed.” 

“Sir, yes Sir.” The knight gives him a lazy salute “Oh. There was something. A ship will be arriving later today - The Night Buzzard, Lord Ren will want to know exactly when they land.” He walks off and Hux grips the table as hard as he can to get some of the emotions out of him before checking his parade-uniform and his gelled hair. Did all force-users have to be such… exhaust ports? He hadn't seen Vicrul use the Force though, not as Kylo Ren did. There is probably something there to exploit but he finds himself too riled up to think.

**

Had this mess never occurred then they would have been on the Starkiller Base by now. Resupplying and checking up on the weapon. Hux gets daily reports but he would have liked to check in person. It’s irritating having to rely on people he doesn’t necessarily trust.

When they have to report back to Snoke like two small children in trouble, both seeking praise while trying to cast shade on the other, Hux says the weapon is ready to be test-fired, hoping Snoke might focus his attention on that and in extension - also back on Hux. 

It plays out better than Ren could have imagined, Hux was doing his best to get noticed and because of that, the Supreme leader seemed too excited to care about the small stuff. Like Ren calling his knights onboard. 

They turn to a stuttering officer named Mitaka about accommodations, claiming Hux was too busy preparing for his journey down to the base to be bothered by such menial tasks. It wasn’t really a lie but the mousy man doesn't even need a mental nudge before he finds five smaller quarters in the same corridor as Ren and Vicrul. It only comes back to Ren much later that Mitaka was the officer that had delivered him the bad news about the droid. No wonder he was so willing to hop through hoops.

Before calling it a night he walks the ship with the Pantorian knight, stopping in the hangar to look outside at the stars.

“I need you to go with the General, to keep him alive.”

“You feel it too then? Ap’lek says she can feel death coming our way. Not in what form though, but you know her.” He seldom listened much to her babble, better to be surprised then knowing what's to come, right?

“I do. I would not trust him with anyone else, brother.”

“I know and I won’t fail.”

**

Just behind the General walks Vicrul, he’s joining his entourage to Illum and no matter how much Hux protests the knight seems adamant.

“There’s no need for you, I will be perfectly safe as it is.” He tries again.

Phasma is coming on a later shuttle but he doesn’t see how that could be a problem since it’s Ilum they are travelling to. But his security had been one of Vicrul’s many voiced concerns. Hux however, thinks it's more likely that Kylo Ren wants to keep an eye on him since he won’t be joining them until much later and it infuriates the General

“I see there is no getting rid of you then. Just— just stay out of my way, will you?” He sighs.

Vicrul gives him one of his lazy salutes, the mask giving nothing away and they both walk aboard the shuttle and Hux shuts himself up in one of the three rooms used as sleeping quarters for the officers. Dark and polished rooms, neutral but with just a touch of luxury in the form of nicer linen, a wider bed, softer pillows and a little more space. There is also a chair and a small table.

He practised his speech a few times on their way to Starkiller Base, alternates by reading up on the minor incident reports. Two members of the cleaning crew were killed on deck nine due to some sort of infestation but some troopers had apparently made quick work of it with flamethrowers.

Good initiative, bad judgement. 

He rubbed his temple and made his hat go askew. It was easier to monitor the intelligence of the troopers if they started as clones but that whole program had another set of flaws. He remembers them painting their gear or shaving their heads differently to show off their individuality, he has seen it on holorecordings and read about it.

Of Course the First Order doesn’t accept such blatant expressions of distinctiveness, they want symmetry. But what the soldiers do with themselves under the armour and helmets is not anything he concerns himself with. 

He also doesn’t mind when they meet up to say farewell to a fallen comrade, as long as they do it in private. Stars, he’s not a monster after all. He might be Brendol’s son but they are nothing alike! That’s what he tells himself anyway.

He reread the speech a few times more before he allowed himself to take a short nap. Who knows when he’ll have the time for that in the future? 

He dreams of snow, black trees and splashes of red blood, fresh enough to make steam rise from it. Someone is moving amongst the trees and he sees it flicker as it's getting closer at an impossible speed. The contours are blurred out and he draws his blaster to shoot again and again but the laserbeams stop in mid-air like shining lines as the blackness comes closer, knocking him over and pressing his hands above his head, a thigh between his legs.

He woke up with a gasp like he had stopped breathing in his sleep. Vicrul was in front of him, tilting his head like Kylo Ren used to. They are too similar, they almost smell the same! But the ozone isn’t there, there’s no lightsaber clipped to his belt. Hux saw the open door behind him and felt a little better. If he shouted they would hear him. The troopers onboard would come running to assist him.

“You were whimpering. I thought you were having a nightmare.”

“So you decide to barge in?” He stood and straightened his parade-uniform, cleared his throat and grabbed his datapad before moving to walk out of the room. “Move away! Stars!” He snarled and Vicrul stepped away from the door, a chuckling noise as he did so and the red-head could almost feel his blood boil. Kylo Ren was going to pay for this! He was going to tell that kriffing idiot just what he thought of him trying to decide who goes and who doesn’t.

He didn’t want Vicrul around, he doubted the man was any better than Captain Phasma so this is all a big waste of time. Precious time Hux could have used working or sleeping.

As soon as the hatch opened up a cold crept inside the shuttle and tried settling in the General’s bones. He pulled his greatcoat closer and walked out flanked by stormtroopers. The Ren-knight thankfully had enough sense to stay in the back. 

They were taken on a tour and he was lavished in praise over his plans on the thermal oscillator by men and women hoping to be remembered for future projects. He was surprised no one else had thought about building one on that scale instead of trying to figure out how to make four smaller ones work together. 

The cannon is a glorious thing, it can destroy entire star systems from halfway across the galaxy. Consuming suns and harvesting dark-matter quintessence which no one had managed to do before. Brilliant as well as deadly, the two things Hux loves the most

They were also continuing the work of Galen Erzo and his ideas of unlimited power. 

In short: it was a masterpiece.

But it wasn’t just a weapon, they had the majority of the troops stationed there and facilities for the officers, most of them with their families. There were hangers and flooding tunnels to maintain and it would take Hux weeks to inspect it in person. 

Finding the base far too cold for his liking he asked to be taken to precinct forty-seven and received a warm cup of steaming hot caf as they drove there. He used the black mug to warm up his hands that are stiff with cold even though the gloves.

Ren’s knight continued to make everyone uncomfortable, there was just something very unnerving about him but compared to the lord himself he felt like a shadow. Sinister yes but not quite as brutal and deadly. 

He held his speech the next day, didn’t sleep more than a few hours that night as he checked everything and then checked it again. He spent about two hours in front of his mirror getting everything else in order, his uniform, the hair— wait, is that a grey? And has he missed any stubble? He puckered his lips as he raised his chin, slowly turning so he could see everything. 

He was ghastly pale, almost white and for a short moment he remembers Brendol’s words about him being ‘thin as a slip of paper and just as useless.’ 

Well, who’s karking laughing now? Him or the man who dissolved into nothing in a bacta tank? He marched out on the platform, saw the rows of troopers in their armour, the people who were there to record it for the holonet. And he delivered the speech splendidly. The Starkiller does what it’s supposed to and he felt an intense rush of power. This was him. This was his legacy. From here it could only get better. 

**

Ren watches the gigantic surge of energy tear through space, a red light like the colour or his lightsaber. Somehow it feels strangely appropriate like somehow it’s all connected.

He knows where he has to go next and what he eventually must do, he saw it as he meditated. He also got a bad feeling about Ilum; so bad that he wanted Vicrul there instead of going with him to Maz’s castle. The pirate queen was harbouring rats, like usual. Some things never changed. 

**

For some reason, the General hasn’t been given the specifics, they are told to stop the pursuit of the BB8-droid. A chase Hux has rolled his eyes over a few times already. 

A whole fleet, sources been notified all over the rim, for what? A map leading to some mystical man? If only Brendol was alive to witness this. He would laugh himself to a heart attack. Kylo Ren had naturally lost both soldiers and expensive equipment in the pursuit so whatever pain-relief he gave him before was long gone now. 

The ginger has a slight headache again while standing in wait at the hangar on Starkiller Base, watching the troopers shuttle land together with the black Upsilon owned by Lord Ren. 

He straightens his back, grips his own hands behind his back so he’ll have something to squeeze if the knight chooses to mouth off to him again. 

Ren leaves his ship with a passed out girl in his arms and Hux feels the pain in his head pound against one of his temples, he pinches his brows together and licks his dry lips. 

What is this?

“Who is she?”

“A scavenger, she’s seen the map.” His voice comes out dark through his mask and he can see the frustration in the general's face, tilting his head to look at him. 

“I see… this better be worth it.”

“Or else, General?”

There is no ‘else’, Hux just doesn’t like it, be it the whole plan riding on the memory of some girl or is he acrimonious because the knight is holding someone? 

No, no.

It’s definitely the first!

Hux doesn’t answer but instead turns to leave, the remaining stormtroopers following him like they couldn’t get away from Ren fast enough. Vicrul is standing against one of the walls with his arms crossed over his chest. He waits until the others have left before joining the other knight, peering into the face of the girl. 

“Cute.”

“Cute…?” Ren asks when they start walking and the other man shrugs. 

“I’d do her.” 

“If you get desperate enough you’ll do anything.” So it doesn’t mean anything, besides, Ren doesn’t see it. 

“True. Where are the others?”

“Trying to follow the resistance. Ushar managed to squeeze something out of one of the wounded.

“Do you want me to question her?” Vicrul then asks, eagerness in his voice. 

“No, I’d like her unbroken.” 

One of the major perks of the pantoran was the fear he passively projected. In this case, however, it wouldn’t do them any favours. 

“Suit yourself. I’ll be in my quarters, let me know if you need me?” 

“You know I will.” 

**

The interrogation doesn’t go as planned, he’s shocked and worried when he demands a meeting with Snoke, forgetting to put on the mask as he stalks off. He even forgets himself, the focus he knows he so sorely needs, instead he’s pointing and shouting like a child.

His temper has always been his downfall and no matter how hard he tries to control it he feels himself exploding and rage boiling him up from the inside. 

If he learns how to channel it, Snoke says, he will be unstoppable, more powerful than his grandfather even was. 

But how? It’s like slipping without finding any purchase and no one seems able to stop his descent.

Seeing as how the girl is now useless to them, Snoke leans forwards in his chair.

“And the droid?!”

Of course, that’s when the General walks in. 

**

When things seem to be spinning out of his careful control; Hux goes to Snoke to snuff out eventual fires. If someone has thrown a spanner into the wheel, he wants the Supreme leader to know it wasn’t his team. But he is more than ready to take charge and fix it! Just like he took charge of the Starkiller cannon. 

There is already someone there but Snoke doesn’t stop him and so he takes it as an invitation. Black luxurious hair, longer than what’s allowed according to standard regulations but beautiful and silky... They are talking about the droid that Ren allowed to escape and the General almost finds himself distracted, clearing his throat he lets the huge image of the Supreme leader know  _ his _ plan. Then the scent hit him and he once again looks at the person next to him. 

The sweat is stronger than usual but the burnt ozone is there, that animalistic musk that can only mean one person. Kylo karking Ren. Stars! He’s but a boy! And he’s definitely trying hard not to look at the General while instead imploring Snoke to guide him. 

Nawwh! 

Hux is so going to use this and gives the knight a smirk before leaving to charge up the weapon. 

Who knew that was what was hiding under that sinister mask?

He wants to see the knight without it again. 

**

Killing Han does not feel like he thought it would. 

It didn’t bring closure, he doesn’t feel free or any less torn apart. 

And he was shot by Chewbacca. 

So there’s that. 

When he chases down the girl and that idiot traitor he’s more wounded than he lets on, so much that he thinks he’ll pass out if he doesn’t have pain coursing through him. 

It’s not like he doesn’t know it’s a fool's errand, that he’s lost too much blood and is too emotionally unbalanced. But he does it anyway, lets his emotions steer him on like usual. Slipping without finding any purchase...

Anger and self-loathing are powerful self-motivators, they are equally destructive though. The traitor shouldn’t be able to wound him in battle yet he managed to hit his shoulder. 

He feels his strength dwindling and punches the wound to stay awake. It makes him lose more blood and so it keeps spiralling downwards until he is bested by the scavenger too. 

Chock causes him to freeze up. This should not be happening. She should not be able to beat him! Yet she does. Killing Han only made him weak and now he just wants to curl up in the snow, fall asleep due to the blood loss and fade away into nothingness. Nothing would be more fitting.

Maybe he deserves it? 

Maybe Han wasn’t such a big shit after all? 

He hears the Moray and Faz-jingle in his head and he hopes Vicrul has left the base with Hux. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sit for probably 30 minutes just thinking about what I should write here. I see others being hyped and happy in their notes but I'm Swedish, meaning we have something called 'the law of jante' and I'm actually rather shy. 
> 
> I really do hope you enjoy this though .___. and I do love comments. 
> 
> And I'm just randomly choosing titles from my Kylux-playlist to be the chapter titles.


	4. Everybody tells me you’re a (bastard)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It begins.

He is poised even in the heat of the ongoing chaos around him, shouting out orders, standing straight and calm. An anchor in the storm - an example for everyone.

That is before he’s pulled towards the door by Vicrul and told to move. 

He pulls and shoves him towards the hangar in the most undignified way, only stopping when Hux orders him to let him speak to Snoke. He moves hurriedly after that, doesn’t protest when the ren-knight brings him onboard a waiting Upsilon where he begins to shiver. It had started to sink in when Snoke ordered him off the base, now it leaves him almost frozen to the core. 

His cannon, the base, all those people, there is no chance amongst the stars they can get them all off, and Kylo Ren, where was he? Why hadn’t he seen this if he could see everything else with that karking Force of his?! “We have to-- where is Lord Ren?”

They somehow collect the helmet before finding the broken knight in the snow; guided by Vicrul that could somehow ‘feel’ the brother even as the world falls apart around them now that it has no oscillator to hold it together. 

Hux is no doctor but he knows how to patch up the lord knight to stop him from dying before they reach a medical droid who can do the finer things the General can’t. He focuses on that because if he starts to think about the cost and the lives they lost because someone was busy chasing some skirt instead of protecting the oscillator…! No, no. He’s not going to think about that. He’s not going to think about how years of hard work just went down the drain. 

Shit and stars! He could throttle those resistance bastards with his own hands!

But his eyes fall on the helmet and he picks it up with a sigh to distract himself. 

He examines it for some time, somewhat surprised by the ingenuity of it. The servomotors and the arms connecting the facemask to the helmet. 

It has been years since he tinkered with anything just for the fun of it but he found himself wondering how he would upgrade it. The helmets used by the troopers now weren't as good as the ones before, albeit a lot lighter and sleeker, maybe Kylo Ren’s could be altered more like the old models? He should have the neck for it after all. Bull that he is. 

But maybe the force-user doesn’t need it? Maybe he can use his mumbo-jumbo powers? Still, a HUD would fit nicely in there, with a visual processor… he turns it around in his hands, unaware of the face he does and that the injured knight is watching him with interest through narrow slits. 

Vicrul had been flying them off the base then tried connecting the autopilot so he could join them in the back. He was already getting on Hux’s nerves and the red-head put the helmet down. A plan now in his head what he would like to do even if he thinks that Lord Ren won’t let him touch it again. 

“Will he be alright?”

Hux sighs “You tell me. We’ll all be dead if the resistance comes back to splash us to poodoo! It will be as easy as stealing clams from a Gungan.”

“We can’t outrun them?”

“Stars! Where you dropped as a child?!”

Vicrul takes a step towards him and suddenly Hux remembers just how lonely he is with the two force-wielders. They had made sure no one would see Lord Ren like this as the General thought it would be bad for morale. Now he was starting to feel that it might have been a real abysmal idea. 

“I’m sorry, sorry, ok? Let’s just-- Let me see what’s out there.” 

The cockpit of an upsilon-class shuttle is a large one, more like a small bridge really and Hux straps himself into the pilot seat and starts reading the instruments and nodes. He hasn’t flown in years, not since his time in the Academy where they had gotten to practise onboard the Venator-class Star Destroyer that always stayed in orbit above Arkanis and where his dreams had come to an abrupt ending. 

At that time it had been one of the biggest ships he had ever seen and after joining another student in a TIE-fighter he knew that he wanted to be a pilot. Brendols answer had been to slap him across the face. ‘No Hux is going to be a flyboy!’

And that was the end of that. He could still catch himself staring longingly on the fighters on the hangars though.

“How does it look?”

It seemed the ren-knight only knew the most basic of commands and Hux flipped on the sensor jammer before checking to see if the cannons were operational after the final blast from the Starkiller Base. He then scanned for enemy communication with his index finger raised to ask for a minute more. 

“The landing-gear is malfunctioning and the Heat sink is destroyed, other than that, I’d say we are fine for now. Or—”

“What does the Heat sink do? Will we cook to death?” 

“No, it’s only there to make the sensors last longer. It’s not great, but hopefully, we will be on our way back to the Finalizer by then, the hyperdriv— Kark.”

“Can you fix it?” Vicrul seems to be using his best Kylo Ren imitation, looming over him before tilting his head like he’s listening to something before promptly going back to Kylo.

Hux gets up to slam the door shut between them before sitting down again. 

Kark, kark, kark. Right, let’s see… oh hello? A star destroyer suddenly leaves hyperspace and had Hux been a lesser man he might have thought it was more than just good luck.

“Retribution, this is General Hux aboard the-- “ he looks around “--the upsilon-shuttle, seeking assistance, over?”

“—Gideon Has— ution— say aga—over.”

Hux bites down on his fist as he scans the Retribution. It’s badly damaged, they'll be lucky if it even makes it through the Gamma-shift.

“Retribution! This is General Hux, seeking assistance, over?!”

The door behind him is yanked open and a deathly pale Lord Ren leaning on Vicrul enters. His face is shiny with sweat and blood, his hair wet and dripping but still he soldiers on, raising a hand towards the Star Destroyer before simply collapsing.

“Gene— ux— mission to la— out.”

“Hurry the kark up, General.” Vicrul carries the motionless body out again and Hux glances at the pool of blood that had been left on the floor. 

He has to flip through the manual to land but manages it in the end only to find Vicril posing in front of the hatch switch. 

“You know, you really are starting to get on my last nerves.”

“He won’t like being taken to medbay.”

“What choice does he have? He might die!”

“You’re a smart man, General. Think.” 

Somehow he manages to get Colonel Hask to part with one of his medical droids and as it’s working on the knight; Hux follows the scarred man up to the bridge, explaining the fate of the base. It turns out the Retribution was on its way there in the hope of repairs, having been attacked by resistance fighters scouting an area that he was not at liberty to discuss.

Hux, who had taken an instant liking to the rugged since he had arrived when they had needed him the most; pursed his lips at that. Was Snoke hiding something from him and was Lord Ren in on it? And just when would it bite Hux in the arse?

**

His body hurts when he wakes up, it’s better than he thought it would be but his face feels stiff and the wound from Chewie makes him wince. 

Correction: that Wookiee. They never knew each other. He isn’t Ben. 

But he feels like Ben when he sits up in the big bed he has back on the Finalizer. He feels miserable and rubs his eye with the heel of his hand. He needs to use the refresher, he needs to report back to Snoke but most importantly; he needs to get his shit together. 

His legs are wobbly as he gets up and walks out of the bedroom only to spot Hux on the sofa. The General has fallen asleep with his datapad on his stomach which doesn’t surprise him. What does surprise him is the tousled hair and the fact that he has removed his gloves and tunic and is sitting in a black tank top with suspenders holding up his jodhpurs. There’s a tattoo on his left arm, a symbol of some sort together with letters. Ren can’t see from there. 

The General looks small and so very white in the darkness where the only light comes from the open door to the refresher. He reaches out with the force and finds Vicrul meditating in the room next door. 

Good. He doesn’t want anyone else to see Hux like this. 

It’s for him only. 

As he steps closer he can see horripilations spread over the skin of the General and grabs his tunic to cover him only to find it covered in blood. 

So he’s stayed with him since the Starkiller? 

Why does that please him? 

He fetches his comforter from his bedroom and covers the General's sleeping form before he steps into the shower

Hux finds himself so warm and comfortable that he doesn’t want to wake up completely and instead snuggles under the cover, ignores the smell of Kylo Ren, or bathes in it, he doesn’t want to analyse it right now. He hears the shower but falls asleep again. 

He’s been exhausted for so long that he just can’t stay awake anymore. 

When Ren is done showering he checks on the wound in the mirror. The one from the Wookiee is one thing, but his face…

It will get some getting used to and it will remind him of what happens when he gets too emotional. The Force is harder to wield when he’s too distracted. It won’t happen again, he will let go of thought and just flow with the battle and he stares at himself as if trying to burn it into his mind.   
  


Hux is still sleeping when he walks out again, the towel is around his hips after drying off his body somewhat and making a crows nest out of his hair. 

He splays his hand over the gingers head and snorts when he sees the General’s dream. It’s about him; no doubt brought on by the comforter and Hux is yelling at him while stomping his foot and pointing towards a hole in the ship's hull. Air and people are being vented out into space in a comical fashion and he can see how the sleeping man is pinching his brows together in annoyance. 

Ren doesn’t need anything to sleep on, he’s found out he can sleep more or less anywhere as he doesn’t seem to get cold. So he lies down on his bed again but pulls a sheet on for modesty’s sake. But after tossing and turning a couple of times he goes back into the General’s dream.

They are on the Starkiller Base again, outside where Ren fought with the scavenger and the traitor only they aren’t here now and instead he sees Hux further away. The General is staring at him like he doesn’t recognize what he sees, he even pulls his blaster out and starts shooting. 

Freezing the charges midair is just as effortless in here as outside the dream, maybe even easier. He tackles Hux to grab the blaster but ends up pinning him to the ground instead, holding his hands above his head as he slowly moves one of his thighs up between the Generals legs. Hux does the most satisfying sound Ren has ever heard; it is almost like something torn between a moan and a whimper. He doesn’t fight him either, instead, he pushes his groin up towards the knight in a needy fashion, clings to him—

Just as suddenly Hux wakes up, he tries to grab the datapad that’s about to crash to the floor and lays it beside him on the couch before slapping his cheek three times in a row. 

“Stars! Bad Armie!” 

Ren tries hiding his grin in the pillow and soon finds it much easier to fall asleep. 

**

He receives an update from Vicrul the next time he wakes up. Hux is gone by then and the other knight is telling him about how they found him in the snow and how the General managed to get them aboard the Retribution as it was falling apart but still got them to the Finalizer before losing most of its energy and breaking down completely. The other knights had arrived back during the night and he had kept them out, for now. If he didn’t have to see the ginger anytime soon, that would be good and he stuffed more food into his mouth.

“Where is he now?”

“Hux? No doubt entertaining Colonel Hask.” the fork halts and he looks up at the black eyes of Kylo before slowly resuming his dinner. The faster he got over whatever  _ that _ was, the better. 

Ren's jaw muscles moved but he remained seated even though his breathing got heavier. He hated this! Hated not being able to— he couldn’t even admit it to himself so how was he supposed to say it to anyone else?

“Hungry?” 

“Not really.”

“Snoke wants to see you. He's not happy.”

“Is he ever?”

“... how long are you going to let him control you?

“Not this again, Vicrul. We can’t think like that, he’ll know.” 

“Kark him knowing! You don’t nee—“ He drops his plate and the fork as he tries to grip something he can’t, lungs screaming for air. Just as suddenly Kylo releases him and stands up, grabbing his helmet and storming out. 

  
  


**

Ren hates Hask, it’s obvious to everyone but Hask himself and if Vicrul didn’t know why his brother couldn’t stand the Colonel it might even have been funny. 

As the Retribution is being repaired her crew is staying onboard the Finalizer which means Gid - as his people call him, is there every day. Which also means that Ren has to keep him entertained every day. 

They invite him to train with them, something they have never asked anyone else - for obvious reasons, but Hask graciously accept. So Ren teams him up with Ushar, the sadist.

They do lend him some gear from the troopers since they train in their own, helmets included.

He stands and watches as Ushar goes easy on the scarred bastard at first before throwing some weight into the punches, Gideon laughs when he’s knocked to the mattress for the twentieth time. Yet he keeps getting back up.

_ “-So petty-” _ Vicrul shakes his head but grins just as Gid once again falls to the floor, this time with the wind knocked out of him.

_ “-I know. This is my life now.-” _ There is amusement in the tone and Kylo actually chuckles before stepping forward to give Hask a hand. “Maybe something else. Does the Colonel gamble?”

Gideon watches him like its a trick-question. They are in the military after all but Lord Ren pats his shoulder, and like he had read his mind he says “The knights and I don’t count as strictly military, we can do what we want with our free time and your ship is still being repaired which technically means you’re off duty.”

_ “-Smooth…-”  _

_ “-Kriff off Vicrul. Help me sell this instead.-” _

“Come on, colonel. We so rarely have company.” He pulls Hask closer to him, an arm around his shoulder and shakes him almost playfully but probably too hard for the smaller man. Hask looks confused but smiles as he nods. Compared to the bulky knights he looks like a skinny teenager rather than a military veteran. 

And that’s how they end up playing dice with Gideon Hask, offering him both brandy and cigarras but not having any for themselves as the other knights refused to take their helmets off around people. Ren didn’t have that problem, it even worked in his favour as Gideon got determined not to lose to what he thought was a ‘schoolboy with too much power’ and drank more than he should have.

Without the mask people always went for his face, nevermind him being hulking in size and in other cases it would infuriate him, now it was just perfect and he couldn’t wait to have Hux find out what the Colonel had been up to.

“I'd like to sit on your face.” 

Gideon coughed and missed. The tiny ball bounces off the table and his face turned an alarmingly shade of red as he turned to Ushar.

“You’re not ugly. I’d do you. Come on.” She got up and grabbed Gid by the neck. It was quiet for a while before Trudgen shrugged.

“My turn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 04:18 Right, it’s not like I can sleep with the seagulls going bonkers outside. I feel more like Yoda everyday: “I say seagulls, hrmm! Stop it now.”


	5. He said, I'm a match, he's kerosene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building stuff and knocking them down.

According to the logs only two people had accessed the shield control before the attack leading to the destruction of Ilum and the superweapon - Captain Phasma and Lieutenant Sol Rivas. Hux was adamant it wasn’t her but Ren ordered her to take down the Lieutenant, leaning back in his chair during the meeting and speaking to her like he knew something the rest of them didn’t. 

“It’s you or him, Phasma.”

Sol Rivas escaped after hearing he was a suspect and Phasma took up the chase, swearing to bring him back for justice or die trying. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that but whatever attempt Hux makes to send her reinforcements the knight is somehow thwarting. The General finds himself more and more isolated as there is no one he can speak casually with, he had hoped Gideon might prove an acceptable substitute by it would seem the man was a drunkard and a gambler. There were even lewd rumours about him, not that he gave such gossip much credit. 

He has Tritt Opan, but the older man needed to remain outside of Hux’s private circle if he was to be of any use to him.

So he does his shift, spends his free time in his quarters with a bottle of brandy and Millicent in his lap, sketching on some ideas he has for a new TIE-ship. He has collaborated with Sienar-Jaemus Fleet System before and has good enough contact with both the Chief Executive Officer and the CTO. It’s been a while since he heard from them though.   
He also led a lot of the projects in the First Order Department of Military Research where his ideas on a super laser siege cannon were being finalized and the weapon built. Thankfully it hadn’t been on the Starkiller Base as they planned at first as Snoke had said something about too many eggs in one basket. 

Had Snoke known?

He was getting tired of the constant feeling of paranoia. 

Hux pretends the ideas are purely for pleasure, as his ideas for Ren’s helmet. But the weapons are work, all for advancing his career and making himself indispensable. 

The fighter, however… 

In a way, it’s all because of Lord Ren and the incident on the shuttle and he blushes when he realizes he’s imagining the knight in it. He’s seen Ren fly before and he is in a whole other class than the already talented pilots onboard of the Finalizer. If they had met during Hux’s time at the academy— Well, he doesn’t want to finish that thought and lights an Ambrian cheroot. Millicent gives him a look of pure disdain before she leaves him for the other room and Hux sighs.

“Ventilation up twenty percent.” 

The cheroot is bad for his health but relaxing enough for him to continue and the thick, pink, smoke billows around him before being sucked up into the vents and refiltered. He taps the ashes off in a cup as the kitchenette before scratching his head, he will shower and have a change of clothes before his shift tomorrow but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s ashamed of all his bad habits that are starting to pile up. He keeps thinking he’ll quit it all - smokes, pills and alcohol, but then the next emergency leaves him exhausted and in need of blowing off some steam, then the next. 

There’s no such thing as the perfect time to quit, but he keeps on waiting for it anyway. 

**

The next day all the traces of yesterday evening’s indulgence is gone and he lays out a fresh uniform on his bed before he enters the refresher. He loves morning, he loves routines and does the same one every time he gets up. Shower - towel around his hips - cleans his face - moisturizer - shaving cream he lathers on with a brush - shaving his face - washing it with cold water - then finally the mild oil that smells like sage. The takes his time with the hair as Millicent sits at the door and yawns while blinking, too stubborn to go back to sleep if she can watch him a while longer.

The military badge dangles from its chain as he pulls on his underwear, a tank top and of course the socks before the trousers with the flared hips. The suspenders hang at his sides while he pulls on the boots while sitting on the couch, already eying the reports from the Gamma-shift from a datapad on the low table. Suspenders up, military tunic on and buttoned, belt, gloves on and he’s ready to meet a new shift on the ship.

He meets Ceclind Moorlun by pure chance in the hangar one day. He notices her glancing his way like she wants his attention and after the inspection of the new TIE-fighters, he walks up to her, hands behind his back and chin held high. 

“Pilot…?”

“Moorlun, General.” 

“Ah.” He’s not sure how he should react but finds himself smiling at the blonde. 

“I know this isn’t very proper, General, but I’m wondering… Phasma, is there any news?”

He doesn’t get it at first and absolutely not why she is talking to him but slowly it's dawning on him that they are a couple or at least close enough that the captain has told Moorlun about their friendship. 

It makes him worried at first as he thinks about the secrets he shares with Phasma but the pilot doesn’t have that look in her eyes like she knew something she could hold over him. 

“She has chased him down to a planet and hopes to corner him there. That’s all I know.” 

They are still in the hangar. Close to the massive opening overlooking the space outside. It’s a magnetic shield keeping the vacuum of the outside from sucking out the air and interior. Droids are moving back and forth, goods are being transported to or off the ship and he sees Lord Ren watching him from a mezzanine further away. 

Creep. 

“Will you tell me if anything changes? Please, General.” She doesn’t reach out to touch him but he feels uncomfortable all the same. Still, he nods and she smiles.   
“Thank you, General!”

“Fraternising with the staff, are we, General?” Ren’s voice is dark from behind the mask when he moves in to walk by his side.

“Does that mean I should ignore you as well?” He can’t help but scoff as he continues to the bridge.

He stumbles face-first into a wall and feels hot blood rush out of his nose, sees it drop to the floor and feels extremely embarrassed at first but when the knight walks on he soon realises that it had been Kylo Ren. Subtle as a bantha.

A small black towel, usually used by the mechanics is suddenly pressed into his hand. It smells clean and he holds it against his nose, looking out of the corner of his eyes to see just who his saviour was.   
“I still can’t find my way, General. Could you maybe show me to medbay?” 

“Naturally,” he answers, quickly understanding that she’s giving him an excuse to go there himself. 

Doctor Bereann Eldewel is tall and petite at the same time, she looks thin; like she would be easy to snap in half. There is something haughty about her and her soulless brown eyes, her hair is short, wavy and blond and she somehow sports a tan.

According to her files though; she’s brilliant, that was the biggest reason he had her reassigned to the Finalizer, but now that he’s meeting her as a patient he doesn’t feel quite as satisfied. 

“General, how are your wrists?”

“They are fine. It’s my nose, as you can clearly see?” He answers, his commanding tone somewhat muffled behind the towel.

“You’d be surprised how many fractures their wrists and arms while trying to break their fall.”

“Well, I didn’t have the time to.”

“I see. And how did it happen? I have to write a report after all. It's a procedure.” 

“I would rather you didn't...”

“I didn’t make the rules, General.”  
She smiles at him, looking almost smug like somehow she had him cornered and once again the feeling of paranoia bubbled in him. Everyone wanted something.

“It was me. We were inspecting the new fighters and I was careless.”

“I see.” The doctor looks from Hux to Moorlun before going back to him. What was going on? Was he not the General and the commander of this ship? 

Enough was enough “Listen here, doctor Eldewel, either treat my nose and forget about the report or find yourself aboard a shuttle to the most remote outpost I can find where your only chance of escaping is a faulty shuttle; venting you out into space. How does that sound?” 

“It sounds like my datapad being faulty and therefore unable to be used at the time. Let me fetch the bacta.” She got up and walked off, coming back with fresh bacta and began treating what turned out to be a broken nose. 

Not just a cut then. 

Karking Ren. 

Later in his own quarters, he sent a message to Tritt to get rid of the doctor anyway and started browsing for a replacement at once while also ordering a huge amount of bacta. If things were going to continue in this direction then he was going to need it. 

**

  
He called her the Silencer and worked on her in a private part of the hangar where he could do it in peace. He based her on the FJFSs bomber and he had been in contact with the CEO Hayden Langden to ask for permission and custom parts and she had agreed as long as he kept her updated and submitted the blueprints to her company. He would naturally be allowed a piece of the cake, would something come out of it. 

Phasma was still away on her hunt, he had met Moorlun a few times and the doctor had handed in her notice before leaving on a shuttle, disappearing into space. He had the misfortune of standing too close when Ren had one of his temper tantrums which gave him a mild concussion but thankfully he had been able to find an Olipher Dunbar to take her place before that. Dunbar was a shaggy giant of a man with a ghoulish sense of humour. 

He was the one to come up with the idea of keeping a classified medical journal just so he could keep a better eye on the General's health and the recurring “accidents”. It took a lot of convincing but in the end he had given the doctor the security clearance needed to make it happen. They spent some evenings together to map the incidents that hadn’t found themselves on a record and Hux had spent the entire time drinking to calm his nerves. 

When the journal was more or less up to date he felt his heart sink and he realised just how many injuries he had gotten because of the force-wielder, ranging from minor to major things. 

“Had you been his wife I would have told you to leave him.”

“I beg your pardon?! His wife?!” He bristled, claws out like Millicent when she met someone she did not like. 

“Relax, General. We both know a man like Kylo Ren would most likely end up dead or spending his life alone.”

It was as true as it was depressing and for a short moment Hux felt for the force-wielder, then he took a long look at his medical record.   
He went back to the Silencer the first chance he got when he could work an entire shift and not be exhausted afterwards; but was annoyed to find Kylo Ren there in his helmet, looking at the modified ship and running his gloved hand over it like it was an actual creature as he ducked under it to explore. Hux stayed in the shadows and was just about to leave when the knight spoke. 

“What is this?” 

“A prototype.”

“From the SJ-fleet system? Why wasn’t I informed?”

“Because it's mine.” He knows Ren might read other meaning into it but he doesn't care. Why does he always have to watch his words?

“Yours? A TIE-fighter? You can hardly pilot a shuttle..”

Hux straightens and feels rage surge through him. “I got your wounded pathetic arse onto the Retribution, didn't I?!” he snarls before the air is denied him and he’s being choked. Somehow it makes him think of what Dunbar had said and he croaks out a burst of laughter. He has fallen and is lying on his back where he can see dark spots dance in front of him and the knight is crouching down next to him to grip his jaw. The Forcehold on his throat is released then and he gasps for air, face red and his eyes wet with tears. 

But this was the price, wasn’t it? The price of staying a General, being abused by a temperamental man-child. 

“Sometimes I think you get off by making me angry, General.”

“You’re delusional.” His voice is rough and it hurts just to breathe. 

“Don’t test me, Hux. You won’t like it.” He pats him hard on the cheek before getting up, walking back to the ship without giving the General a hand so that the ginger has to roll over on all fours before he can get off the floor. Everything with Ren always happened so fast, one second he was all smiles, the next someone had a lightsaber through their chest.

How close was he to death? He straightens his uniform. So far the force-user always seemed to be able to hold back on his rage when it came to him, but what about the next time?

“She’s my prototype, I’m building her.” He tries clearing his throat and walks up to the force-wielder instead of fleeing which is what his body wants. 

Ren clicks open his helmet and removes it before giving Hux a long look.  
“Really? What are you planning to do with the power cells?”

“There have been major developments of thrusters lately and I’m planning to use that instead, here, an array of them, shielded by the hull. Shifting much of the weight and moving the hyperdrive system; I can fit a stealth field generator--” He stops when he notices Ren staring at him instead of the engine and feels shivers going up his spine.

“You don’t agree with me?”

“I didn’t know you could do this. I find myself somewhat amazed…”

Hux figures he’s being sarcastic and feels his eyes tighten but Ren gives him a sort of smile “Heavy cannons instead of turrets?”

“Yes!” Hux grins, he pulls out the plans and the sketches he has to show Ren and then starts adjusting them, adding things while removing others and not until much later does he realise that he’s spent hours in the company of the knight, merrily working without snarling or being choked.   
Ren seems just as content and is sitting on the floor with tools strewn around him, his boyish smile dies when Cardo makes his presence known.

“I wish you a good night, General.” He rises and grabs his helmet before walking out with the other knight and Hux is still before he - to his utter dismay; giggles. He should have been in bed hours ago but he’s forgotten the time. He can’t remember having done this since his early teens and he feels giddy and silly while walking back to his quarters, hoping no one is awake to see him. 

**

The peace doesn’t last more than a day. He had started to refer to the knight as ‘Ren’ in his head but now he was back to ‘idiot’ and ‘man-child’. 

Two knights on board are one thing, seven a whole new kind of nightmare. The others don't have lightsabers but that doesn’t mean that they don’t do much damage. Especially when practising in their gear and with sharp weapons. 

The Supply Department onboard the Finalizer was led by the Supply Officer Carlist Corediver, an able man who took his responsibility very seriously. He and his team were the ones responsible for feeding and paying the ship’s crew. The mess was also on their table as well as laundry and stocking up supplies needed for the people.  
It wasn’t an easy job which is why Hux has meetings with him twice a week to make sure they are up to date and on the same page. Corediver had an impressive moustache and it took part in a great many jokes amongst the troopers but Hux really couldn't care less. He wanted his skills, not something pretty to look at. 

He couldn’t say the same for many of the other officers that he met from time to time. If it wasn’t his youth they found fault in then usually it was his background as a bastard but when all else failed it was always his face. He was apparently ‘way too pretty to be alone’ and this from men in his father's age! Disgusting old perverts.

“General?”

“Pardon?... I— I seem to have been thinking about other things.”

“It’s the air in here, and by the looks of it--” Corediver checked his watch “-time for some more caf. What I was saying though is that I understand that it’s well under your paygrade as a General but everyone knows that only you have the spine to stand up to Lord Ren, this is the seventh combat droid now, completely demolished. And it’s not just the droids but other materials as well! The-- the cost has increased immensely since he came on board and with—”

“I’ll talk to him, Corediver.”

The elder smiled widely, relieved that he wouldn’t have to risk his life in talking to the belligerent fiend. He shook his empty cup and pointed at Hux’s but the General shook his head.

“Let’s call it here and I see you next week?”

“Aye, General, sir!” After a salute, he walked off and Hux got up and started walking with a straight back and his head held high. He opened the first supply room he found and sank in the darkness with his back against the wall. 

He had realized that a good way to take something from the force-user was to dangle something else instead. Like he did with Millicent when she wouldn't let go of his socks.   
This time he didn’t have anything else to dangle with.   
He couldn’t go and talk with him now since they were probably all gathered in a training room, better to get him by himself? Yes, that would be much better, he might even be calmer then?

He stayed in the dark room a while longer, finding comfort in the small space that somehow made him feel a whole lot safer. He strode out, however, figuring that would look better than him skulking in the hope of finding the hallway empty.

That he nearly walked into Kylo Ren was probably just to be expected. Just like he knew which hand to raise to stop Hux from tumbling over; he probably also knew in which corridor to be and at what time. It was uncanny. 

The knight wore his mask and his gloves, his hood pulled up and Hux nervously licked his lips.

“You should be careful, General. I can’t always be there to pick you up.”

‘Or trip me over’ Blue eyes narrow as they peer at the mask, trying to figure out what his face looked like now, had the scar gotten better?  
“I— I need you to cease destroying ship material.”

“Oh?”

“There have been complaints… You need to—”

There was an actual hand against his throat now, not squeezing, just feeling with the fingertips running over muscles, pressing his thumb against his windpipe. The knight leans in as he presses harder and as Hux starts having problems breathing he feels a completely different part of him suddenly come to life, stiffening and swelling inside of his pants. 

This wasn’t happening! It had to be a dream, or a nightmare rather! Maybe he fell asleep in the supply room? 

Ren breathes out through his nose, he can hear the subtle difference now that he is so close. The grip tightens and Hux starts to learn things about himself that he hasn’t known before and wishes he hadn’t. He loves that scent, like the one that always came before a thunderstorm back on Arkanis, like spark-forming electrical appliances, ozone. There is a musky sweat there he would hate on anyone else but now finds himself craving to taste on his tongue. 

The moment is ephemeral, there is noise from a group of officers and the knight takes a step back. Hux panics, what will happen when they pass? He can’t do this, he doesn’t even know what he wants! So he did the only thing he could go; he rushed towards the bridge.


	6. Blinding Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An excursion

Moorlun parked the shuttle and started the checklist as the ship hummed before coming to an abrupt stop. She checked that the nav comp aligned with the magnetic compass, the hyperdrive system, the sensors and the ion-engines. Always double checking, sometimes triple checking, which was why she was General Hux’s favourite pilot. 

When they joined the troopers outside; she went on checking the landing gear as the three officers walked towards the second Upsilon-class shuttle belonging to the force-wielder. The redhead couldn’t help but look at the ship and the extra armament installed and he zoomed in on something that looked like a pulse wave cannon, jumping when he heard the dark ominous sound of Ren clearing his throat. 

“See something you like, general?”

“It’s not commonly used by the military..” he began before realising it was the wrong end to start with because the force-wielder shrugged and left. He remembered reading about smaller versions being used by the Mandolorians and had always been interested in seeing one but due to the pain they inflicted they had been banned from military use and thus making it a lot harder for the General to get his hands on one. 

Clearly, Ren had contacts that he himself didn’t. 

Hux sighed before he went to the dark beach where Ren had gone with his knights bringing up the rear. They climb up on the water speeder they brought with them and disappear out on the stormy waves.   
Hours pass and he tries to scout the area for tomorrow by himself before giving up, feeling so very out of his element and starting to sweat in the heat.

It’s better than the cold he tells himself before taking out a handkerchief to wipe his brow then moves so that he can feel some of the breeze.

The wind is strange when you have been on a spaceship for too long. It’s this invisible force that pushes against you and sometimes Hux thinks he can’t breathe like it’s one of Ren’s temper-tantrums; sneaking up on him and choking him when he least expects it. A thought that suddenly isn’t so unwanted. 

But the force-wielder isn’t here. He is on an island out in the ocean with his playdates and thankfully he didn’t want the General to come along. 

Fact is, he was rather rude about it. But only when they were out of the earshot of the troopers did he question why he would need such a useless creature in the first place. 

Hux bristled but chose to keep his mouth shut. The Knight had been exceptionally temperamental that morning and the small episode at the shuttle hadn’t helped. If Hux had to be honest, he would admit to being secretly happy to be out of the man’s shadow so he didn’t have to think about how he had left whatever could have happened in the corridor. 

They had just a few hours of daylight left and had brought supplies for two more days if needed. The sky above him was painted in an odd mixture of orange and purple, the sun a rusty shade of red. At least the sea had a colour that felt familiar to him as it was in a dark blue, frothing against black cliffs and a small beach made of pebbles. Here and there were small piles of dead seaweed, filling the salty air with something foul.

The bushes closest to the shore were gnarly, yellow things with small thorns. But there were bluish trees further away, with grey leaves that felt soft and smooth to the touch. 

The scout troopers they brought with them to the abandoned planet seemed to think they were on some kind of RnR even though activities were planned for them the next day. The General felt he couldn’t fault them though. There wasn’t any alcohol to be had so surely they would be somewhat alert should some problems suddenly arise. As long as they kept the armour on.

The hours went by and tents were pitched. No one wanted to be the one to reach out to the Knights over the commlink and ask how it was going, not even the general. But Hux was becoming increasingly aware of the looks he got from the other two officers, the whispers between them. Did they think he was scared? And did they honestly think they were going to get away with this kind of blatant insubordination? 

Doing a mental note over the names that were not getting a promotion anytime soon and who’ll probably end up in the hands of Opan, he was getting ready to contact Ren when the other man’s voice was heard instead. Making an already annoyed Hux jump in surprise.

“Patience, General.” He mocked and the red-head could almost feel the smirk like he knew he had startled him “We have it, and we will be arriving shortly.”

**

Kuruk is driving the water speeder, just like he’s always the designated driver. Darkness has fallen and all that can be heard is the engine and the waves around them when Cardo isn’t humming that is. 

“You really like yanking his chain, huh?” Ushar leans back on her hands, yawning inside of the mask. The day had been tiresome and her feet were soaked, just like the rest of them. 

Ren shrugs but the knights know better. None of them is in doubt anymore and even if Kylo doesn’t talk about the General with them; his feelings are easily felt. Ushar isn’t sure she likes it as she views it as a distraction but she has to admit that it has made the younger leader a much more interesting person. 

She removes some hairy bits of flesh from her club, throwing it in the water for the fish to snack on as she peers at the others but they seem just as tired and lost in thought. They haven’t talked about the future, not yet anyway but they need to. She was worried about her not reaching her potential unless Ren reached his and he would never do that under Snoke. Was she really the only one that wanted the old man gone? “We’ll eat in the shuttle. Come see us when you’ve had enough socializing.” 

Ren snorts at her sarcasm but doesn’t lash out. The knights were his knights, it was everyone else that was fair game. 

**

The line went dead before Hux had a chance to reply; so he just shrugged and went back to the others where food was being prepared and distributed. The typical ‘Heat and Eat’ that tasted bland at best but was an entire meal all in one. Something they fed to the troopers yes, so why was Hux getting one?

“I’m sorry, General. Lord Ren’s orders.” One of the soldiers in charge of the food said, noting how the general’s brows were pinched together in confusion, and maybe even disgust. It also included disposable eating utensils and a small bag of spices that did absolutely nothing, as Hux soon realised.

He saw a big movement of black amongst the white armour of the troopers and when he looked up he saw the leader of the knights sitting down next to a fusion lantern with a ration pack of his own.   
He had to eat? Hux could almost feel his jaw drop. He had never seen him eat, not even once during all that time on the Finalizer, eventually, the general had even come to the conclusion that the black-haired man didn’t need to ingest food at all. He had taken his helmet off while the others took their plates and went to the shuttle. Maybe he should have done so as well? But then he would have missed the scene in front of him. 

Seeing how Ren ate was equally disturbing. He was shoving it in like he was afraid someone would come and take it from him. Big bites that made his cheeks puff out. 

Very much like a child, Hux thought, marvelling over how this day had turned out.

Eight hours earlier, Ren had felt something through the Force and had, of course, ground the whole fleet to a halt. It was a ‘powerful artefact’ or some other frivolous thing that made the General’s head pound as he started crunching down numbers to see how much this was going to cost them this time, and he had made the suggestion of testing out the new scouts and the speeder bikes while down there to at least get some use out of it.

Back on the beach, Hux thinks of Snoke who also had an unhealthy interest in scouring space after long lost things he believed still held some power.   
What exactly did they do with those artefacts anyhow, now when they weren’t Jedi anymore? Read it upside down? Backwards? 

He could swear he saw Ren grin across him, partly shadowed when a trooper walked past the lantern and he hastily fortified the walls inside of him he hoped would keep the force-wielder out. 

Moorlun in her black armour attracted attention from a lot of the troopers. Her hair was long and blond when she took the helmet off and she looked sweet and kind, smiling even made dimples show in her cheeks. But Hux knew she was cold and calculating, much like himself. Much like Phasma, which was one of the biggest reasons he liked her. 

He preferred to surround himself with women as he found those in the First Order to be more cunning and aspiring than their male counterparts. And best of all - they didn’t distract him. Not that there was much eye candy to be had on the Finalizer. Except maybe the knight. If Hux had to be honest. 

Half of the food remained but the red-head could not force himself to take another bite, instead, he stood and threw it in the provided trash can near the food-tent, yawned and shivers now that the sun had gone down.

“Time for bed?” Moorlun slides up next to him. He knows she wants to ask about Phasma but he didn’t have any more news.

“Might as well, we have a tiresome day in front of us tomorrow. Your room is the one on the left of mine, don’t leave the others on my account.”  
She grins at that before saluting sharply and jogging back to the remaining troopers who were now sitting around a fire.  
He couldn’t see Ren and guessed that the knight had gone to the others so he went to his room to get ready for bed, wishing he could have talked to Ren if only to scoff at him.

**

“But what does it do?!” Vicrul groaned, he had probably asked that a few times already and Ap’lek had replied, this time Ushar shoves him away from the table.

“Its instructions on how to make a stupid amulet! What’s there to be confused about?”

“What sort of amulet?” Ren puts his helmet on a chair and joins the others.

“Amulet of Influence. It’s an easy trinket to make.” Cardo was the one helping Albrecht so it was obvious he would know more about it. Kylo rubs the bridge of his nose before leaning forward to rest his arms on the surface.

“According to this; you give it to someone who will then do everything you command it to.”

“Like a Force nudge, only this is less nudge and more force?”

“Basically.” Cardo shrugs.

“Right, we wasted an entire day finding an old scroll who lets the reader know how to make a really potent date-rape drug?” Vicrul looks closer at the tattered old skin.

“Trust you to make it dirty. Imagine putting it on someone with influence like one in the inner cycle of the senate on Coruscant?”

“Now who’s making it dirty? Always so power-hungry Ushar…”

“I'd rather be power-hungry than flesh-hungry. I see how you follow that General with your gaze, Vicrul. Don’t shit where you eat!”

  
**

  
Breakfast was eaten outside. It was more of the Heat and Eat and Hux picked at it without much enthusiasm or appetite. Ren was watching him through the slits of his helmet, a bit taken over how he looked like one of the porcelain dolls that Leia had after her mom, all crisp and clean. Impossible white. There were even press-creases on his uniform. How he managed to stay so perfect was anybody’s guess. 

They had charted out a sort of obstacle course for the scouts, some on blasters, others without.   
Hux allowed the lower officers to handle it while he stood in the shade of one of the shuttles, sipping water while wishing he had more to cover himself with.

Ren stood like the heat didn’t bother him. His clothes were black just like the helmet and he had his gloves on but so did the redhead. None of them as comfortable as the troopers in their body socks that altered the temperature for them automatically.

They had warned the scouts about the large stone that was jutting up and out of the ground like a fist ready to smash whoever wasn't paying enough attention and the first laps the troopers had lowered their speed, now they were blazing past it.

The day went on, the sun moved over the sky and Hux had to change places twice to escape it. On his way to Moorlun who’s stood under one of the trees; he sees something rushing towards him in the corner of his eye. Two of the scouts had started their own race in the midst of the exercise and one of them spun after it crashed into the other, fast circles and a high pitched sound like metal screeching under pressure. It threw the driver off before rushing towards Hux. But before he could react to it he was knocked out of the way and into a tree.

The speeder crashed against the large rock, sending pieces flying through the air

Pain shot through the General, blood dripped from his nose and a split in his upper lip, his head pounded, his arm numb and some of the fingers in broken, odd angles as he turned around and stared at Ren. 

“You…!”

He could have pulled but of course, he pushed and said nothing as Moorlun rushed towards Hux and helped him to the officer’s shuttle where the General sat down in the open hatch. 

Away from the sun at last. But at what cost?

“That utter ass!” He snarled as the pilot was looking over his injuries, touching his nose gingerly before putting him back together with sprays and bandages coated in bacta. 

“At least it’s not broken this time.”

“No, I think my skull took most of the impact. Thankfully” He said dryly.

She said nothing but pinched her brows together, frowning. This wasn’t the first time and probably wouldn’t be the last. She knew not to speak about it with anyone but was always surprised over the lack of talk amongst the troopers. 

“I need to set the fingers straight before the bacta. Brace yourself?”

Hux bit down on the glove, growling into it while trying not to move or whimper. Or pass out for that matter. He was feeling cooked from the time spent in the sun and probably had some freckles to expect.

“I'll go check up on DW63, contact me on the com if you need me.”

She had barely gone before one of the knights took her place and Hux tried moving away and into the shuttle while his eyes were on the huge form of the one with the helmet that looked like a patchwork, but that centred around a mask the General would recognise anywhere; a Death trooper. Not something everyone could kill and it made Hux even more uneasy.

It doesn't say anything, just stands there before speaking into his comm with a dead, rough voice. “The General seems fine to me. I’m moving back to the ship now.” 

Hux shakes his head in resignation, when had he been sucked into a black hole only to be spat out in this universe where he didn’t know if he should cry or laugh?

The exercise ground to a halt as DW-6342 didn’t make it and since the life of DW-6543 is hanging on by a thin thread alone.

Everything gets packed and moved to the shuttles for transport. Hux rides with the troopers instead of on the Upsilon. He doesn’t say anything but he wants to show them some sort of support. DW-6543 dies in the shuttle and Hux stares as his bruised face like this death was on him. He even stays vigilant then the bodies are taken away.

“It’s soldiers, General. Poodoo, nothing else.” He’s using the Huttese word for fodder, hiding behind his mask and his knights like a child!

“Can’t you at least pretend like you’re interested in the people serving under you? No trooper will lay down her or his life for you or do the best she or he can if they feel you only view them as cannon fodder!” It’s louder than he wanted it to be but he’s had it with the force-wielder for today. 

“Are they anything else, General? From what I’ve seen all they do is die.” The Knight shrugged. 

Hux saw four troopers walking on their right, close enough that they probably heard the question from the larger man and Hux snarls. His men didn’t have to like him as long as they respected him. He liked to think that maybe they trusted him to do what he could for them, a trust being undermined by a juvenile man in a ridiculous helmet and so the General snaps. 

He shoves Ren, puts his weight into it and the larger man is so taken by surprise that he actually moves back a step. Hux wants to slap him across the face, to punch him, but instead, he shouts with knights and troopers standing around them watching the utter catastrophe unfold. 

“You kriffing arsemonger! You are nothing but a big idiotic man-child! You're a failure! A kar--” This time he doesn’t see any blood trickling from his nose, no dizzy shapes slowly becoming one. It just goes black and when he comes to he’s still in the hangar, surrounded by stormtroopers who help him up on his feet. Ren and his knights are nowhere to be found.

“We have sent for a doctor, General, please remain here!”

“No. No, I'm fine. I don’t need any medical attention, stop it. Attend to 6342 and 6543.” 

He really should see a doctor, instead, he tries to walk away with as much dignity as he can muster before rounding into a service corridor only to throw up. The world spins when he leans back against the wall to collect himself before waking up to his quarters. He has to stop one more time before he makes it inside and locks the door. Millicent mewls weakly, sensing his mood and he fills up her bowl only to lean against the wall again, breathing heavily as his mouth fills up with saliva. 

He’s done it this time. If his head doesn’t kill him then surely Ren might?

Somehow he manages to peel his clothes off and take a shower, drink more brandy than he should before collapsing on the bed. 

Nausea he felt didn’t go away during the night. Instead, it was joined by a massive headache and no matter how tired he got he couldn't sleep. He contacts Peavy and tells him that he’ll work from his quarters today but doesn’t get anything done. A sort of anxiety creeps up over him and makes him sit in the middle of the bed and stare at the wall opposite of him, twitching at every sound. Would Lord Ren come? Was it him now? Or Snoke?

There were even times where he had to run to the refresher to throw up after trying to lie down. A spell of vertigo always hit him and the world just kept rolling towards the side he would lie on; until he hardly knew what was up and what was down. He can’t sleep that night either but still goes to his shift in the morning, even snappier towards the staff than he usually is, face unshaven.

It's not until he almost throws up on the bridge that he decides enough is enough and that he needs to go to the medical wing. He’ll wait until Gamma-shift, however, hoping that no one will be up to see him and hopefully running into Dunnbar who seemed to favour the night shift.   
He feeds Millicent, places the rest of her food at an easy to spot place if maybe he has to ask someone else to feed her.

**

  
Trudgen snores.   
It sounds like the rumbling from a huge beast which Ap’lek supposes isn’t that far off. How he can fall asleep within minutes of entering the Night Buzzard is anyone's guess.

They are taking the artefact to Albrekh on Iridonia, or the ‘date-rape-plans’ as Vicrul was starting to call it. That man had no respect for anything which is why they planned to go without him. Better he stays with his brother. 

But just before takeoff the pantoran walks aboard.  
“I thought you were staying with Lord Ren?”

“Nah, I thought it better to give him space to think for himself.”

“That’s never a good thing,” came from Cardo.

“Bit harsh? But true.” Agreed Vicrul before removing the helmet and making himself comfortable, as far away from the snoring giant as the room would allow. “He’s frustrated.”

“Everyone gets frustrated, that doesn’t mean we can bang up the General. Not until Snoke gives us the go at least.” Ushar had been quiet so far but decided to join in on the conversation. 

“You think he will? As obnoxious as Ren is now, he would probably be a whole lot worse without the General prancing by.”

“You think he’s using the General to control him?” If so, how? Cardo didn’t see it and scrunched his face together while thinking. 

“Shit and stars, Cardo! Don’t kill yourself trying to get it. — And speaking of Snoke…” Ushar began before licking her suddenly dry lips. “What would happen if he disappeared?”

She wasn’t very subtle and Ap’lek almost shook her head. This was not the time to discuss it. “Then we better hope the General is still alive.”

“Why?”

They stared in quiet disbelief at Cardo, Ap’lek opening and closing her mouth and Ushar thinking she shouldn’t hit him seeing as she couldn’t be sure if it would make him smarter or just more dumb. 

“Because the Ranchor has two chains, dipshit. Cut one off and you better hope the other one holds.” Trudgen groans before shifting into a more comfortable position. Proving once again that he can sleep, snore and listen at the same time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always welcome.


	7. How far will a fallen star take me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loth cats are an acquired taste.

Serving the Gamma-shift is doctor Olipier Dunnbar. It’s the only time he can be by himself and not have to deal with those young stoopas he has to call colleagues. 

He was completely engrossed in a new medical study from Chandrila where a scientist named Uihab'wose was on the verge of creating a new and faster healing bacta; that he didn’t notice the General before the ginger cleared his throat. 

“Caught a cold have we, General?” He places the data-pad on the table and gives the younger a lopsided smile. 

Hux didn’t take the bait, he was feeling worse now than before and there was just something about Dunnbar that he liked enough to let him get away with things that would have others flogged. 

Olipier Dunnbar was a tall giant of a man with white, shaggy hair that was pulled back to reveal a full, menacing face. He didn’t look like a doctor at all and Hux felt oddly small next to him.

“Is smoking destroying your lungs or is it ‘the usual’ ?”

‘The usual’ meant Kylo kriffing Ren and the redhead tried to shrug but had to grip his head to keep something from falling out. 

“I don’t— I don’t smoke.”

“Uh-huh. Of course you don’t. Jump on the cot and we’ll see what it is this time. Have you been sleeping? Mm-hm, eating? Have you been throwing up or felt dizzy? Did you bang your head again and not come to me?”

“I did nothing of the sort! That kriffing man-child saw it fit to push me into a shuttle.” He snarled, conscious over the fact that the face he was making made him look like a child. 

“Yes, well, the outcome is the same…”

He shone a small light into the General’s eyes, making him wince. Dunnbar then checked his head for bruises, oddly gentle for a man his size.

“Have you heard of post-concussion syndrome?”

“No, medical is not my field, doctor, I hired you for that. As you know.”

“I’d like to keep you here for observation,” he said tentatively, knowing the general would mind. 

“Not on your life.”

“At least stay under my shift? I am clearing your schedule for tomorrow though.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Hux hissed only to feel like throwing up again when the room started spinning and he had to grip the nearest object just to be able to stand.

“I would, and it is—” He tapped the pad in front of him one last, demonstrative time “—Done!”

“Kark!” The general cursed.

“Now, now, language, general. If you could be so kind as to follow me, I will show his highness to his quarters for the night, an exclusive pyjama waiting just for you.”

Hux had to force himself not to roll his eyes, he didn’t need to feel any worse than he already did.

The hospital bed was clean and Dunnbar had to pull out the side of the cover from under the mattress for him. No doubt the bed had been made by an overzealous droid and Hux sat down while the doctor went to get him a gown.

“Here. “ Dunnbar handed him the light blue garb, a small plastic cup with a couple of pills and a bottle of water. “Change, swallow this and rest. I’ll be outside and I’ll be checking in on you, don’t worry.”

He had first thought about just pretending to take the medication but Dunnbar stayed, his eyes tight like he knew and dared him to defy his orders. Arse.

The General sighed, swallowed them down then made a show of opening his mouth and lifting his tongue to show the man that it was done before laying his eyes on a stuffed Ewok on the table next to them.

“What is that?...”

“That is a toy, forgotten by a girl that was here last night. I think her father belonged to the government staff and hopefully, they will be back to pick it up soon; once they realize it is missing… Does it disturb you?”

Hux groaned he loathed having civilians on his ship. “No. No, just… just leave it, doctor.”

“Good, good. I’ll see you in the morning, General. And no smoking. ” He pulled on the curtain that hung from a cubicle track overhead, giving the redhead a sense of privacy as he changed into the gown. 

**

Ren hadn’t been able to get Hux’s words out of his head. Maybe he was right? Maybe he should try and seem a bit more... approachable? Caring? 

Nah. He didn’t believe in coddling soldiers, just like he didn’t coddle Hux. When he did wrong or when he was in the way somehow, Ren made sure he knew it and was punished accordingly. 

That didn’t mean that he couldn’t observe the daily routines on the ship. If only to rub the General’s nose in it when he thought he knew better. 

It didn’t make him petty, did it?

Just bored?

He grabbed the pad he hadn’t used for a long while now, wiped the dust off with his arm and turned it on. As it was busy reconnecting with the server and installing various upgrades he took a shower. 

Pulling the towel around his hips he went back to the bed to sit down and see if he could find anything interesting. 

He had the same security clearance as the General. He could probably have an even higher one but he didn’t see any use for it. He didn’t need the pad or the data slates with old information to do his job, whatever he needed to remember he wrote down by hand. 

He could see the camera feeds from all over the ship, which was far too many to be any fun. Most people seemed to be asleep anyhow with only the Gamma-crew blinking in the darkness of the bridge like tired owls. He looked through some rapports that had been filed the last two hours when he saw one being written from the medbay. 

He could see it had a classified ear tag to it and had it been closed; he wouldn’t be able to open it at all, even with his clearance, but with a doctor Dunnbar using it, he could piggyback right in. 

So he did. 

It was the medical records of Armitage B. Hux, General. But why was the good doctor using it now? 

The file was extensive and when he pulled it up on his wall to get a better look; he could see various cat scans, MRIs and report after report about bruises, concussions, fractures, sprains, abrasions, lacerations, puncture wounds and now another concussion with possible symptoms of something called PCS? 

He hadn’t known the General was so frail, he always bounced back up after Ren had knocked him down. How had things been before him?

Nothing.

Not even a cold. The man had never been sick or at least not enough to go to the doctor. 

After Ren had come aboard the Finalizer the reports had started piling up. Olipier Dunnbar was the one keeping the records and the one that had sealed them, probably on the order of Hux himself, and when the doctor was done writing and closed the file again then Ren was thrown out, the pictures and the reports vanishing from his wall.

The symbolism wasn’t lost on him.

He couldn't move at first, not even to throw the pad aside. Water had dripped down his back and he felt cold, he had done this. He had bullied this fragile, porcelain doll of a man, broken him into pieces for the doctors to glue together, over and over. 

He really was a laser brain and a brute. 

**

When Hux woke up again the room was dark and quiet. His bladder was aching to be rid of the water he had swallowed with the pills and he throws the covers to one side, sits up on the other and feels the world suddenly spinning again, making him pause before he gets up and stumbles off, one hand on the wall just to keep him from falling. 

He takes his time and tries to focus on the white face in the mirror but it’s a blur. There is a muffled pain in his head even with the drugs and he hopes Dunnbar might explain it better in the morning. What were his options? What symptoms could he expect? When could he go back to work?

He shuffles back to the hospital bed and shrieks when he sees a dark figure looming over him. A hand covers his mouth and he is lifted and placed back in the bed. 

“I’ll remove my hand now if you’ll be quiet, alright?” Ren doesn’t have his helmet on and is standing in front of him, his chest at Hux’s eye level and looking down at him with his eyes that look almost black in the dark. He has his robe on and the smell seems to envelop the ginger who wants to press his forehead against that chest like that would make everything alright; but keeps his distance. 

He nods but snarls when he is free. 

“What the kriff are you doing here?! How did you even know I’m here?! Are you… stalking me or did Dunbar tell you?” And why couldn’t he at least have grunted or sighed when lifting him? He wasn’t that thin and it made him feel kind of… unmasculine?

“I saw the journal, Hux.”

Impossible! Those were locked and Ren shouldn’t be able to use his mumbo jumbo on something like that. Right?

“He can’t open them unless I give my consent, did he keep them open? Did he show you!?”

He felt nausea well up in him with a feeling of dread and panic. Exactly what had the knight seen? How did he interpret it? 

”It doesn't matter how I saw it.”

“Of course it matters! If it’s Dunnbar being indiscreet then I need to have him punished and fired accordingly!” 

“It was a glitch in the system… here, let me help you—“ he tried to get Hux back under the covers only to be slapped away. 

“Don’t touch me! Don’t you ever touch me!” the red-head hissed as he glared at him. 

Hearing those words hurts. He knows he deserves them and more but they keep echoing through him, chipping off parts and making him more hollow with each hit. 

“Fine but get back down there, you’re ice cold.”

“That’s my problem. Why are you even here? If it’s about the PCS then I promise you that it won’t stand in the way of me doing my job perfectly.” 

“No, no, it’s not that, it’s… “ He hadn’t been thinking about what to say on his way over. He had just needed to see him, to know that he was going to be alright and not some comatose thing. He’s not going to do it again, not by purpose anyway. 

“I came to— to take care of you. Naturally.”

“Take care of me or _take care_ of me?”

“Yeah… That’s right, Hux. I only looked through your medical records to find out the best way to secretly kill you.”

Hux looked at him in silence like he believed it or wouldn’t put it past him, at least. 

“Shit and Stars, Hux! Do you really think I’m going to kill you? In the medbay?”

“You’ve probably done a lot worse and at worse places. “

Ren shrugs “True enough. Now, what can I do to convince you that I’m not here to finish you off?”

“Well, you can’t now can you?” But Ren doesn’t seem to be listening anymore, he’s staring with pure dread on the stuffed toy that had been left behind.

“...What is that?! Is that an— an— ?!” Ren force-knocked the stuffed Ewok together with the table, making it crash loudly into the wall on the other side, light flickering wildly above them.

“Really?...” Hux deadpanned. “Not here for me but the toys?”

“Ewoks should be eradicated!” The knight growls. 

“I didn’t know you felt so strongly about it.”

**

Doctor Dunnbar checks in on him before his shift is over. He looks uncomfortable seeing Ren but doesn’t say anything. 

“Tell me about PCS, doctor.”

To his credit, the old man glances at Hux and then back at knight. 

“Don’t look at him. Look at me. Tell me.” the force-user demands.

He nods at Olipher, not wanting the man to get in trouble because of him. Now that he knew that the Doctor had been loyal but Oliphier is already well on his way. 

“We are not sure why it happens but Post-Concussion Syndrome has eluded the doctors for years. I won’t bore you with specifics but there is no specific treatment, we can, however, improve it with medication together with physical and behavioural therapy, it—“

“Oh for kriff sake!” Hux interrupts but Ren gives him a silencing look. 

“Continue.” 

Pardon…?

“Normal symptoms are headache, nausea, drowsiness, problems with concentration, noise sensibility—“

“How the Kark does this help me?!”

“—Irritability. What to look out for are memory problems, anxiety and depressions.”

“For how long?” Hux pulls the cover closer, suddenly cold to the bones and angry over being ignored like this.

“Weeks, months, a year? We don’t know.” Dunnbar shrugged and looked down on the data-pad only to type something down. 

What was it? Hux had the right to know if it was about him!

“Right, well, time for me to go work, thank you for looking after me doctor.”

“I would like it better if you stayed so we can work out which medication works the best and have a physio-droid make you a training plan.”

“No, no, no. There is no time for that—“

“We’ll make time.” Ren interrupts.

Hux felt dumbfounded and he slowly stared up in disbelief at the knight who suddenly seemed to have decided to go from a nightmare bully to a supportive mother Porg. 

“I have to work, Ren.”

“You have a competent staff, Hux.” 

The General glared at the force-user in his monochrome black, not quite feeling it had the punch it used to now that he was in a hospital gown and even though Ren was younger he was so much bigger and bossier, now that he put that side forward. Arse.

“Fine, I’m tired anyway.” 

“So sleep. I’ll stay right here.” Ren pulls forth a chair and sits while Hux glances at him. 

Surely it was but a jest? 

“You’re staying? Why?”

“I told you, I want to take care of you. “

“Ah yes, the oncoming murder.” 

The knight just did a face before shaking his head. 

He manages to sleep for many hours before a droid with three wheels for stability, comes rolling with a tray of boring food. Not a word in greeting or even in parting before she left. 

Rude.

Ren is gone and Hux aren't sure if he’s disappointed or relieved. 

The white protein paste tastes like chalk and the water are stale, he groans and pushes it to the side. He isn’t hungry anyway.

Instead, he has a bad feeling, like somehow he’s forgotten something big and important. He’s worried, his head hurts and the comforter is too thin. How did he manage to sleep before? It’s too kriffing cold! 

He pressed down on the alarm, waited for a second or two before he raised his voice. “Hello? Is anyone working in this kriffing place?! I need another blanket!” He sighed and continued in a much lower voice “Maybe some tea? Or brandy, yes, some brandy would be good.” 

“I don’t know about brandy but I did manage to get some of that nasty tea of yours.”

Ren walked towards him holding a mug - as in a dream, and Hux thinks maybe he was seeing things. 

“Here.” The hulking figure pressed the cup between his hands and Hux frowned when he saw how small his own were in comparison. “I didn’t see anyone when I came here. I don’t know where they keep the blankets. Give me your feet.”

“I beg your pardon?!” The large knight sat down on the foot of the bed and grabbed Hux’s feet even though the General was clearly unwilling, rubbing them with the covers between them. Hux looked furious before he sighed in resigned contentment and Ren remembers seeing Ben’s parents like that. Leia bristling and Han kissing or grabbing her anyway. 

It was almost enough to make him stop and push the General away but the ginger has closed his eyes and was smiling slightly and for that, he felt he could stomach almost anything.

“Stars, You’re so warm.” 

He then jumped when he remembered something, almost spilling out his tea

”Kriff! I need you to do something for me..” He started tentatively.

“Oh? Anything!”

The red-head smirked at that and Ren realised how needy it had made him sound, so he looked away from that knowing face just waiting for a quick insult. 

But Hux sighed like he had decided to let whatever leverage he had; go. 

“I need you to feed Millicent.” 

”Who is Millicent?” And why can’t she eat on her own? Did Hux have a family? A daughter?

“My…” His earlobes turned bright red and he cleared his throat. “My cat..”

His what now?

“Your cat?... surely not a tooka?” He should have seen it if so. He thinks. Suddenly he doubted everything he thought he knew about Hux. 

“No, no! Not a tooka! Goodness. Just a… loth cat?”

Ren rubbed his mouth to cover the smile. Loth cats were anything but cute. Why would Hux have one?

“I’ll feed your animal, General. Anything else I can do for you?

“You can leave your warmth for me,” Hux muttered while he looked down into his lukewarm tea and Ren rolled his eyes. “Tell anyone about this and I _will_ kill you.”

He leaned forward and touched the cup until steam rose from it. The tea suddenly almost boiling hot

“Right, I'm feeding your ugly pet, then I’ll be back.”

“Millicent is not ugly!” He called after the knight. Loth cats were just an acquired taste. 

**

He throws up the tea, not because of the tea in itself but for the constant feeling of nausea. 

He was dizzy and he was cold. The droid had said that she would see what she could to but so far that had turned out to be nothing. He had asked her hours ago! Or maybe that was one hour? His headache is like a band over his forehead and he tries rubbing it away with his fingertips. 

“Stop that.” Ren looked up from his book and Hux just stared at him. When had he even come back?

“Did you feed—“

“Millicent? Yes, I told you. She tried eating my hand.” The knight showed him a glove with large tears in it. 

“You did? I’m sorry, I don’t remember..” 

“Doctor!” The force-user got up and stalked off, probably to fetch someone. Hux looked down at what he left behind. Was it really a book? He tried reaching for it but only knocked it on the floor where it flipped open. The letters were big but still blurry and it seemed to be illustrating how to do certain alphabetical characters. The world spun again. 

A black cloak was draped across him as the light slowly got brighter to indicate that the Alpha-shift was starting. A new day. 

Ren was sleeping in the chair next to him, his head resting against the wall behind him and his arms crossed. That had to be uncomfortable. 

The droid with the three wheels came rolling again with yet another tray and put it on the table belonging to the bed. 

“General Hux, good morning to you. I trust you’ve had a good night's sleep?”

“Well, act—“ she rolled off without waiting for his reply and he closed his mouth as he felt a bit insulted. 

Ren snorted at his right. He had probably been risen by the droid with the attitude. 

“Wow… she is rude.”

“What do you expect, General? You threw up on her. Are you eating that?” He pointed at the white paste and Hux shook his head. 

He didn’t like these holes in his memory and he would probably call the knight a lying piece of Hutt if it hadn’t been for the book incident. 

“Was that… what was it you were reading yesterday?”

It didn’t look like Ren wanted to reply but as he was shoving the paste into his mouth he muttered it. 

“Calligraphy.” 

“Sorry? Calligraphy? “

“Yes, Hux” 

It felt odd when he said his name like they were friends somehow and Hux bites his bottom lip. Confused and cautious. 

“I didn’t think anyone still wrote by hand. Not with datapads available. Is that why you never wrote me any rapports? Because you don’t know how to use a pad?”

“Stars, General. You don’t think highly of me, do you? I didn’t write any to you because I don’t answer to you.” 

He felt annoyed but swallowed it together with his nausea. “Fair enough.” Why bother to argue with someone as obstinate as Ren?

“Fair enough? You really are sick. Are you still cold? I thought maybe my cloak was better than nothing.” 

“I’m always cold but not at the moment no. Thank you” 

Dunnbar showed up at the end of Beta-shift. He looked tired like he hadn’t slept and he was checking his pad before turning to them with a sombre look.

“As much as I would like to keep you here for observation, General. I’m afraid we have to release you to your quarters.” Doctor Dunbar was already tapping away on the pad and Hux shot him an ugly look before glancing over to the knight. 

“Let’s not talk about this now…”

“No, lets.” Ren leans back in his chair, arms folded over his wide chest. He didn’t believe Hux was well enough to get back to work and he was ready to argue his case when Dunnbar shrugged. 

“It’s out of my hands, gentlemen. Some stoopa brought Balmorran flu to the ship and instead of coming here right away, he decided to go and infect as many as he could. It’s spreading like wildfire as we speak. So unless you want to sit here and finger paint with your own mucus I suggest you recover somewhere else.” 

“Finger paint with your own mucus… I have to remember that one.” Ren said before his eyes went to the sudden rocking form of the General. “Why are you worried about this? It couldn’t arrive at a better time. Now it won’t be your headache to deal with.” 

He was probably trying to be comforting but he had a long way to go before that happened and how could he honestly think that Hux wouldn’t see it as his problem? Everything on the ship was his problem.

“I will send someone to check on you every day, General. Twice, if it makes you feel any better.” it would be a hassle, but he would make sure it was done. 

“That won’t be necessary, doctor. He will stay in my quarters where I can keep an eye on him.” Ren sounded adamant, not once asking to see what Hux himself wanted. 

Dunnbar, however, peers at the ginger then back at the force-wielder. “Remember I said it could take weeks? Even months?” 

“And who is better suited than me to soothe his headaches and his anxiety?”

“Who made him this way?”

Ren pinched his brows together, he wanted to hurt the doctor for having the balls to talk back to him, but he would only make himself look even worse. 

“I did.” He admits with a slight shrug “So it’s not more than fair that I make it up to him, isn’t it?” He sounds like he’s daring Dunbar to disagree with him. There is always a threat there somewhere in the questions and he cuts them off with a chopping bite. 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!” Hux does his best to sound authoritative but with his knees shaking as they do, he just feels silly, like an adult-like child. The night is coming and the heat has been turned down. It was getting really cold again. 

“I’m taking you to my room, General, and that’s final.”

Hux snorts but finds it hurting his head like a blow to the side of the skull, still, he manages to croak “Kark no.”

“Do you want to change into your uniform and walk there or should I just throw you over my shoulder and carry you in your gown?” Ren outstares him.

“I would advise against you throw—“ Dunnbar starts.

“You would not dare!” The ginger interrupts, glaring at the hulking knight and meeting those dark eyes with his blues.

“Do you honestly wish to test me, General?...”

For a moment he wants to, then the nausea is back and he lowers his gaze before he shakes his head. “No. Hand me my clothes.” 

When nothing happens he looks up and the force-user and sees him raising his eyebrows, clearly expecting something more. 

“Please?” 

“And there we have it, the magic word.” He hands him the pile of folded clothing then steps out of the cubicle, pulling the curtain to give him some more privacy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit longer than usual and I've done some counting and think it will be arund 17 chapters all in all. Yus.


	8. All of this could be yours

Staying at Rens quarters meant staying in his bed. Something Hux learned by the knight patting it like the General was an animal to be coaxed. “Jump in.”

“No. I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

“Why do you have to make things so hard? Have you ever seen me going back on my orders? And here I thought we were getting along so well. Do it or I’ll make you. “

“Wow, your bedside-manners are truly appalling…” 

Ren sighs “I’m not— I’m not good at— can’t you just do it?”

“All right.” He sighs after a short time of hesitation. He wonders if humouring Ren will do himself any favours or sabotage for him in the long run? He understood early on that the knight is possessive, like someone who’s never been allowed anything of his own. 

He can relate to that as he wasn’t supposed to have possessions either. Brendol made very sure he knew that he owned  _ nothing _ , not even the clothes on his back. 

But does that mean that he wants to be one?

The knight denies him a datapad since it ‘would do more harm than good.’ He then goes to sleep out on the couch but ends up staying awake and reading. 

“Ren?”

“Yeah?” He gets up at once and walks over to the bedroom where he takes up most of the doorway. 

“Is there an extra blanket? I’m cold.” 

“I can send for one?” He walks the few steps to the bed, leans in with one of his knees on the mattress and puts the backside of his hand against the Generals forehead. 

“What are you doing?!” 

“Checking to see if you have a fever, Dunnbar said—“ 

“Don’t ask that rude droid. I think she only pretends to look. Stars, how can you be so warm all the time?” 

Hux grabs the large hand and keeps it against his face. It’s Ren’s fault for touching him in the first place and for feeling like a radiator. Like something huge and… safe? 

There was nothing safe with Kylo Ren but he doesn’t want to let go just yet. 

He once heard of women being able to tame Ranchors, maybe this is how they felt? 

“Can you stay here until I fall asleep?”

“Here? On the bed?...” 

Ren does a face that Hux has never seen before and he pinches his brows together. 

“Yes, here. How else are you supposed to keep me warm? We’re both adults. Surely I don’t have any physical traits you’ve never seen before?” 

Then the moment in the corridor comes crashing back and he feels himself blushing profusely while trying desperately to keep his cool. 

Ren pulled the soft tunic over his head, his pale chest almost gleaming in the dark and had Hux been a braver man he might have mapped those dark moles with his lips, now he just drops his gaze and lies back down with his back against the knight and Ren lies down next to him. He doesn’t touch him but he is close enough for Hux to soak up the heat of him. 

The General has used the soap at the medbay and smelled thereafter. But there is something underneath it, like sage or something similar. He wants to touch him but keeps his hands to himself and only watches, with one arm under his head and the other on the bed between them. 

He woke up to Hux having another nightmare like back on the medical wing and he looked at the clock to see just how long they had been asleep before reaching over. 

“Hey, hey, no, shhh…”

He tries to gently grab the thrashing form, Hux is gasping for air and clawing the cover. When he does wake up; he’s looking around himself like he doesn’t know where he is with his blue eyes filled with dread and worry. 

_ ‘You did this. You broke him.’  _ The voice that sounds very much like Ben argues in his mind again. 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

Hux looks frantic and Ren realizes he said it out loud, he grabs the General harder now that he's actively trying to get away from him but that just makes the ginger fight harder. 

Shit and stars! Maybe Dunnbar had been right? Maybe he only knows how to break things and not fix them? The thought wouldn’t have bothered him, had it been someone else he was holding on to, but it’s Hux!

In the end, he cheats. Switching the ginger off like a droid where he goes slack in his arms and Ren sighs, strokes the soft, red, hair and nuzzles his nose into it before putting him back and tucking him in.

Right, night number one. He’ll talk to Dunnbar tomorrow and see how he should handle it the next time. 

Hux is bleary the next day, he spends the day in bed, sighing and rubbing his temples when he’s not sleeping restlessly and Ren tends to him, fetch him water, helps him to the refresher, soothes his head through the worst of the headaches, hands him his medication and keeps him warm. 

It’s sort of pleasant. If he hadn’t felt like he had been run over by a herd of banthas. He had never even imagined the knight having this side and most of the time he even thinks that he’s dreaming. But he keeps glaring and sneering, never forgetting whose fault this is. And maybe trying to keep his wavering feelings at bay. 

Hux doesn’t have to ask Ren to share the bed with him the next night. The knight pulls his clothes off and climbs in and the ginger laps up warmth like a lizard in the sun.

They spend a few more nights like that, silently side by side, Hux anxiously tossing and Ren stroking his arm. 

On the sixth or seventh night the force-user wakes up and feels Hux rushing out of bed and to the refresher instead of in a thrashing nightmare, he dry-heaves a few times before rinsing his mouth out and then goes strangely quiet. 

Space is a cold place, and because of the cost of running a ship as big as a star destroyer they are always chilly with just the necessary light turned on. Hux is sitting on the floor in his underwear wanting to go back to bed but at the same time, he didn’t want to move at all. The room was spinning and kept going even when he closed his eyes. He knew he was sitting still yet his brain told him he was rolling around

This is utter rubbish! He'd rather have both his arms broken than this dizziness that seems to come and go as it liked and the constant feeling of unease at the pit of his stomach. He’s tired, annoyed and worried, freezing his arse off on the floor of Kylo karking Ren’s refresher.

“Are you coming back or should I come to get you?”

He’s awake? Of course he’s awake. He’s probably never asleep, just resting his eyes while waiting for the time when he can get up and go and kriff people off. 

“No, don’t do that! I’m just having a hard time getting up.”

“I’m coming.”

“No. Just give me a second, will you! I’m not an invalid!” He snarls out into the dark room but hears Ren getting up anyway and making his way over. 

Hux shivers but pressing his cold fingers to his forehead feels good. He’s looking down and therefore only sees the feet of the knight, feels his warm breath against his ear as he bends down to scoop Hux up and into his arm like he weighed nothing. Just a grown man, a skin full of cotton. 

“This is humiliating.” 

“No one sees you but for me.” 

It was like he was saying something else. Answering a question the ginger hadn’t asked yet and he frowns. 

Ren is always warm like he’s running a fever. Hux hates to admit it but he secretly revels in it, especially since he never seems to be able to get warm enough himself. 

When it hits him that they are both just wearing regulation-boxers it’s too late to protest or feel embarrassed. Ren is cradling the back of his head like he was holding on to something small and precious. 

The vertigo is gone for the moment but he is holding on to the force-wielder instead of just letting go. 

No, it’s even he who initiates the kiss. Not because he’s head over heels in love but because Ren is warm and  _ there _ . It feels too good being touched and taken care of, it’s that slim knife that seems able to find the weak point in any armour. 

No matter how hard and cold Hux manages to make himself he always falls for those who seem to care, even if that has turned out to be huge mistakes in the past. 

Ren is a lot better at kissing than the red-head thought he would be. He even turns out to be good - tentative at first before it deepens into real kisses with tongues twirling and teasing. He’s tasting him, licking into his mouth and before either of them has the chance to think about it; they are making out and he is brazenly roaming his hands over Ren’s muscular form. Who knew when or even if he’d ever be able to do this again? He might as well make sure there’s a lot to process or remember.

Ren moves atop of him and while he’s leaning on the arm close to the gingers head; he’s using his free hand to grab and caress the General's pale skin. He pulls on one of Hux's knees so that he can nestle between them, pushing their hips together. 

Necking and making out is another thing Hux hasn’t done for years and he’s beginning to wonder what he’s been doing all this time. He’s swelling fast against an already hard cock of the knight, moaning shamelessly like there isn’t a tomorrow to answer to. Because honestly, he doesn’t know if this is a dream or not?

They don’t do much more than kissing and rutting against the other in the dark bedroom, Ren is afraid of scaring the General away. He can hardly believe it’s happening, how soft and fragile the white skin feels and the sounds! The blasted sounds! He could get high from that alone. 

It feels awkward the next morning. Ren is worried Hux will loathe him but he’s snuggling closer, his body cold, and stiff. Is that morning wood he’s feeling against his thigh? 

He has to bite his hand not to laugh out loud, for some reason he hadn’t even imagined the General having such a normal morning function. He even needs a shave, and comb that hair of his. He wants to turn towards the red-head, put his hand down his underwear and feel him up but he doesn’t. It’s probably best just to let Hux wake up and do whatever he wants to. 

When the General does wake up he’s yawning and raxing himself like he’s had a good night's sleep. 

A droid comes over to show him some exercises that might help with vertigo and Ren takes the time to check up on the ship and the bridge. Peavey is acting command and informs him that doctor Dunnbar sent him a message about Hux contracting the flu. Kylo scoffs inside of his helmet and looks on while the officer starts to get more and more uncomfortable. Peavey is wondering how Hux can stand it, between thinking of a slow holonovel he is reading in his spare time, a man alone on a star destroyer; trying his best to keep sane as everything around him falls apart. He likes to think he is the man and regrets not being a tinkerer like Hux

There is a thought of sketches being drawn when the General thinks no one is watching. Peavey likes him more because of it as he thinks it does Hux a bit more human. 

Curious about the creative side of Hux; he walks back to his quarters. 

The General is still in bed, he’s looking pale but less green and Ren takes off his helmet before sitting down on the foot of the bed. 

“What is it made of?” Hux reaches out and grabs the helmet, he knocks on it with one of his knuckles, listening before using his nails to test the surface. “Its plastoid isn’t it? And… durasteel?” 

He is sitting in a loose tank top with the covers around his waist, covering his legs. His red hair is ungelled and falls around his ears in silky strands that makes Ren want to reach out and touch them. Never mind the helmet. 

“Am I right?” The blue eyes of the General are watching him with worry again and the knight hastily nods.

“Yes. And obsidian I think.”

“You think?” He turns it over in his hands, much like the time on the shuttle after he and Vicrul had collected Ren. “I’d like to meet the one who made this one day.”

“I thought you hated it?”

“On you yes. But the helmet in itself is… not that I wouldn’t change a few things inside of it. But yes. I regretfully find myself marvelling over it.” 

He makes sure Hux gets plenty of water and makes him some more tea in the small kitchenette he’s never used before. 

“Your designs, The silencer, it’s not the first ship you made, is it?”

“I haven’t made a whole ship by myself but yes, bits and pieces. I drew the oscillator on Starkiller base, some weapons, the interrogation droid we now use as standard. When you’re not there, that is... I’ve been working on a siege cannon and they made the TIE fighter helmets after my design. Why? Why this sudden interest in my hobby?”

His eyes narrowed and again Ren found himself thinking about Leia and then Vader. He was said to have been brilliant with machines. 

“You look happier talking about the things you have made than you do while working or even going into battle.”

“Oh?”

“What does your tattoo stand for?”

Hux’s hand moves to cover it and he looks embarrassed. “I have been meaning to have it removed. “The three spirals stand for Arkanis, the military label on top is from Vensenors Flight Academy - the stars for, well, our aim?”

“You’re a flyboy?!” Ren smirks and pulls on Hux’s hand so that he can see it better. 

“I was. You won’t find it in my records though. Brendol wouldn’t have it so it all had to be done in secret” he pulled to get his arm back, annoyed over the attention “Besides, it was so long ago I hardly remember it. “

“Now that I know; I get why the Silencer works as good as it does. You were seeing it from the eyes of an engineer and a pilot. Now, come here.”

“Here where?”

He plucks the helmet out of his hands before gently pulling on the General to make him climb up on his lap. Easy women were one thing, finding out how to work Hux was like reading a manual in a dead language while trying to navigate a minefield. He wanted it to go just right. 

The ginger is quiet, doesn’t initiate anything but doesn’t pull away either. He could hardly hope for a better sign and nervously licked his lips. The General doesn’t seem like he was going to make it easy for him which only makes it so much more interesting.

“How is your head?” He asks instead. Two can play the game of teasing. 

“My head? Stop stalling...”

“Stalling? I do believe you're getting greedy.”

“Pft…” He lowers his gaze as his earlobes turn pink and he bites his lower lip. 

Hux tasted like his bitter tea, but underneath it was something sweet. He has the General straddling him and the goose flesh is noticeable but he doesn’t want to cover him yet, instead, he breaks the kiss to lift his tank top above his head and throw it away somewhere, the military tag slap against the naked chest and Ren lowers his head to plant a trail of wet kisses down the white throat to the chest, he sucks on one of the small nipples and teases it with his teeth before grabbing the ginger under his ass so he could get up and turn them around. 

The world spins and the chain jingles when Hux is placed on his back and for a moment he thinks he’s going to be sick. The knight cradles his head until it stills and then they are kissing again. Wet, needy and so good! He almost tears at Ren’s clothes to get them off, forgetting about the big, hulking madman and only focusing on this muscular one with the big hands and the soft lips, a warm cock that just feels so large and perfect in his hand as he worms it into the knight's underwear. 

They should have done this long ago instead of wasting all that time fighting. He can’t help but to cry out as one of those hands grip him in return, he’s painfully hard now, head throbbing somewhat but he’d be damned if he’d let that stop him. 

He wants to fuck, he needs it! So why doesn’t Ren just take him? 

Not that he doesn’t enjoy the hand so much that he thinks he might pass out. There is a sticky, wet sound coming from his boxers as Ren uses his precum as a lubricant, twisting his grip just the way Hux loves doing himself. He’s moaning, whimpering and doing a sort of hiccup Ren thinks might be the cutest noise he’s ever heard. 

He loves this, maybe even more so because he knows it won’t last. Hux doesn’t see it at something serious, rather a bubble in the monotony of life. Like a one-night stand one remembers and hopes to meet again but also dreads meeting as the memory might have been a lot better than the reality. 

Hux has an idea that is so archaic and stupid that Ren can’t believe it at first. There has to be actual penetration for it to count as sex. Meaning what they did was in a sense - nothing. 

The same time as he’s ashamed of plucking it out of the General he’s also pissed off as too many conflicting emotions start to fight their way to the surface. He feels cheated like Hux was a price he thought he had won only to later discover that he wasn’t the winner at all. 

Ren is getting rougher, his kisses more demanding, more possessive and Hux discovers he likes it, that he wants more! But it’s ringing in his ears now and the heavy breathing had brought on the beginning of a headache. Ren cradled his head to his chest while keeping his big hand wrapped around his cock, stroking it in such a way that Hux whimpers while trying to meet the grip with small thrusts of his own. But the head…

“Ren…”

“Shhh, I got you, come for me, come on.” 

He is embarrassed over how easy he does it, empties himself into that warmth. They have been making out for days now and he’s been so frustrated he’d been wanting to climb the walls. He leaves indentations from his teeth on the knight's shoulder before sucking on his earlobe, falling asleep shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut.


	9. End of Time

Ren has more moles than Hux can count. He won't call them beauty marks since they are too many and too random. They add cuteness to scowling features, softness to hardness and the ginger is free so stare as much as he wants since the knight is asleep. 

There are many on his arms but four distinct ones near his right nipple. All of a sudden Hux wants to lick them, maybe even suck on the teat and worry it with his teeth. Whose thoughts are these? They are not a couple, they are not a ‘thing’. He doesn’t even like Ren, or does he? 

Whatever game Ren was playing - he wanted it. Maybe if he was good they could do it a while longer? They can play pretend. 

Ren frowns and that’s how he wakes up like he's annoyed it happened. He lowers his brows, grimaces and that’s when Hux leans in. He plans it to be a chaste peck but he makes it wet, desperate and sloppy like he’s just been waiting for the opportunity. More suited for the intimacy of night or darkness. 

It makes the knight move at once but not to hug him close which would have been more expected, but to grip his cock with its morning salute. 

“Eager are we?”

“You tell me, General. You started it. I just want to make sure I can smell you on my fingers throughout the day.”

“Stars, that’s dirty.” 

“That may be but it doesn’t make it any less true. How’s your head?”

“It’s good enough. Don’t stop.” 

“I’m not planning to but I want your hand in return.” Ren’s morning voice is rough, darker and burring. He’s so warm and smells so good, a heady scent of bliss. 

“Where do you want it?” He teases and Ren answers by sucking on his lower lip in a way that has Hux moaning for more which only makes the cocky knight grin. 

“Get your hand on my dick, General. I’m not going to tell you twice.” 

He wonders where Ren has gotten the experience and in his mind, he starts to imagine things that make him frown. 

Of course he understands that he can’t be Ren’s first just like Ren isn’t his, but it torments him now. Why did he even have to go there?

“Stop.” 

“Sorry?” Was he doing it wrong? He pulls his hand back and Ren rolls on top of him instead. 

“Stop thinking so much.” The knight starts again by kissing his neck, moves his legs apart and nibbles his ear. Just hearing him breathe so close to him makes his stomach flutter and churn at the same time but the insecurity is there and so Ren sighs before gripping his throat. 

He tightens the grip while leaning on the other elbow, his thick thigh between the ginger’s legs. 

“Is this what you need? Hmm?” He looks down towards their tangled legs before looking up again, smirking widely. “Yes, it is. Look at you, General. So stiff and wet. You’re practically leaking.”

Hux knows he is but he just can’t help it, he’s getting hooked on surrendering the control - not that he ever had one over Ren - being at the mercy of someone else since so many have begged for his.

The knight presses on the sides of his oesophagus, squeezing it as he intently studies Hux’s face, releasing the grip just as the General is about to pass out. 

These are the easy things, the things Ren knows how to do. He’s never had a male in his bed before and he isn’t entirely sure what feels good for both of them. Except the obvious, every guy wanks off. 

He doesn’t have to think too long about it as Hux moves up on all four and pushes him down on the bed, blue eyes peers up at him as the ginger strokes his thighs. “I can’t promise it’ll be any good, given my condition. But bear with me” He grips the black boxers and lifts it over the hardon before pulling them down and Ren raises himself on his elbows, his stomach tensing up so that the muscle becomes so much more visible. 

“You don’t have to, Hux. Don’t— oh karking stars!”

There was a mouth around him, wet and hot, and the General starts by pulling his foreskin down so that he can lick the head, almost lapping at it with long, lazy strokes that look absolutely filthy and depraved and Ren decides to forget all about getting out of bed. 

“Lights to twenty percent.” He tries not to moan but he is breathing hard, fisting his hands in the sheet. 

The ginger opens up, licks and captures that bead forming at the top before he bobs his head to let the big, stiff, cock of the knight slide in and out. Hux knows what he’s doing and does it well, he hides the teeth, is generous with the saliva and makes soft sucking noises he knows they always seem to enjoy like he’s a cock-hungry slut who can’t get enough. 

It makes Ren grasp his hair, his hips twitching as he wants to thrust into him so Hux stops and licks his balls instead, marvelling in the smell of the force-user who tightens his grip almost painfully in the red hair. 

“I’m goi—“

Hux doesn’t need to hear it all before swallowing Ren back down, fondling what he can’t fit in his mouth and Ren comes, he makes a growling sound and shudders, jerking before he falls flat on his back. 

“Stars, Hux—“ 

The General smirks wipe his mouth against the back of his hand before crawling up to gently lie down on his right side so he doesn’t trigger vertigo. 

Hux is even well enough to do his morning ritual, albeit in Ren’s room and in the afternoon. It still feels marvellous though and gives him a sense of normalcy which kind of makes the whole cuddling-thing feel like a dream. 

The knight studies him instead of Millicent and Hux can’t help but to blush even though it was smirking he was planning to do. 

“Would you like me to… you know..?”

“Shave me?” Ren snorts but then lowers his head and steps into the small room anyway. Like he has to put up some sort of mental guard just in case Hux is playing with him. 

It’s endearing. And annoying as hell. 

He warms up the force-users face with a wet cloth before starting and explaining. Ren rolls his eyes and sighs over all the steps but seems rather pleased afterwards while checking out his face in the mirror. 

They take a walk through the corridors afterwards, Hux wants to go to the bridge but Ren thinks he should wait a while longer. 

“Why? Clearly I’m well enough.” 

“Being able to give head and shave your face does not mean you’re ready to go back to work.”

The ginger gives him a panicked look before turning around to make sure no one heard him. Ren already knew the halls were empty around them and the cameras didn’t pick up voices. 

“Well on some planets I’m sure that’s all that matters,” Hux says stiffly, straightening his back and putting his hands behind him. It’s the pose Ren is used to seeing him in but now he wants more. 

When he feels Captain Phasma Land in the hangar he knows he’s out of time. He had hoped she would come back a few days later but it is what it is. 

“Phasma is back. “

“What?! When?”

“Just now.”

“How— nevermind. Where is she?”

The General suddenly looks eager and Ren feels annoyance creeping into him. He knows they are friends - good ones too - he just—

Wants Hux all for himself? It’s an avarice side of him that started in Ben and only got worse in Kylo. He’s not satisfied with company and kisses. He wants to own - heart, body and soul. 

He escorts Hux to the hangar where he allows Captain Phasma to take over. Surely Hux will return to Ren’s room after they had a formal debriefing and some unofficial talk?

He does not. 

The Night Buzzard returns though. 

**

He goes to spar with Vicrul in the morning. Agitated and annoyed he pummels the other until they are both drenched in sweat. Vicrul throws him a towel while hanging his own over his neck before rubbing his face with the end of it.

“You seem to be feeling a lot better. Half the ship is sick with that flu but here you are, shining.” He’s being a sarcastic stoopa and Ren throws him a wooden sword. 

He spins his own, both using one since Vicrul was good but not good enough to shrug off a cut from a lightsaber and Ren wasn’t the one with the best of control. 

Not even on good days 

So instead of the older being chopped to pieces, they figure this is better even though Kylo doesn’t like the weight of it in his hand. Hours later Vicrul pants and points to a thick mat nearby, hanging his towel back around his neck. 

“Floor?”

They are trying to meditate together and Ren finds himself unable to stop from asking what has been plaguing his mind for a long time now. Especially since Hux didn’t ‘come home’.

“- _ How do you-- you know-- with a man _ ?-”

Vicrul shrugs like he thinks the question is made in jest but feeling Kylo’s emotions he licks his lips in reflex even if he won’t be using them. 

_ “-As you do it with women, just someplace else and with a lot more foreplay. Lube usually helps, if you care about that sort of thing.-” _

“- _ Like the other person enjoying it? _ ...-”

“- _... Yeah.- _ ”

_ “-Right. So... Let’s say I’m interested in making it enjoyable for both?-” _ He hasn’t felt this uncomfortable in a long time and keeps using the Force to check the hallways even if they aren't talking out loud. Vicrul seems unfazed as usual, ever the older brother. 

_ “-Then lube and stretching it is.-” _

He doesn’t want to ask, his whole body is in knots and he’d rather destroy something then continuing but he takes a deep breath to steady himself. If anyone were to see them now; they would find two men meditating on the floor facing each other.

_ “-Go on then, ask.-” _

_ “-If you know what I want to ask then why not just say it?-” _

_ “-Because it’s much more fun feeling you squirm.-” _

_ “-Stoopa-” _

_ “-You're the stoopa, Stoopa-” _

Ren chuckles, opening his eyes and smacking the older on the shoulder. Vicrul looks too pleased with himself.

_ “-Ok, ok, so, this is how you do it.-”  _ But instead of telling him, he shows it, pushing the images into Kylo’s head, making the younger eyes widen and his ears turn bright red.

**

They jump out of hyperspace just as the rebellions are struggling to get away, most of their ships have already broken orbit and are waiting to protect the smaller ones. Hux is feeling smug and excited. Snoke had given him the order to snuff the resistance out for good and he’s been waiting for this ever since Phasma returned victorious from her hunt after Sol Rivas. Millicent had been ecstatic and he had even allowed the Captain to bring Moorlun to their celebratory drink. He supposes they were a couple of some sorts now.

Canady is there with his dreadnought - the Fulminatrix, while Colonel Hask was back on his now fully repaired Retribution. Information about Q’dar had been discovered and retrieved from the ship's data during a long overdue, full system check.

He doesn’t know why he agrees to communicate with the pilot Poe, but it’s the more civilised thing to do, isn't it? When Poe, however, mentions his mother he feels his good mood slip at once. 

Everyone has their weak spots, Hux seems to have several depending on the day. His mother is always one of them though since he can’t remember her face anymore and maybe, just maybe, there is a sliver of hope in him to meet her one day but most days he wishes for her to be as dead as Brendol.

The weapons on board the Finalizer, as well as on all the star destroyers, isn’t meant for small ships like the X-wing. Then again, a single X-wing is not supposed to be able to take out such large ships either and he looks in disbelief as the cannons are taken out on the Fulminatrix. What is Canady doing?! He had been complaining about his young crew for months and how he wished to have them battle-tested, now that the time had finally come he was failing? And where were his fighters? 

Stars! He is demoting that old bastard after this battle.

In the meantime Moden Canady grumbled onboard the dreadnought, he had been against the bad plan from the beginning but did any of the young moof-milkers ever listen to him, or even respect him? 

Still, he was going to follow his orders because that’s what a good soldier did, even if it meant death. Staring at the single bomber the fighters kept missing and even though it was probably too late - he ordered everyone to the escape pods while he stayed behind. A commander is supposed to go down with his ship. In time maybe Hux would realise his folly and maybe then Snoke would deal with him. Either way, it would soon be out of his hands. 

When the dreadnought is blown to bits and the rebels take off into hyperspace Hux doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh. How can this keep happening?

They haven’t completely failed though. He always has a plan B but he isn’t feeling quite as confident and smug as before the battle had started and he’s sweating as he’s walking down the runway towards the meeting with Snoke who probably knew it all by now.

The giant holo head of the Supreme leader switches on for them all to see and just like that he is on his belly, skating forward with his lip pulsing and wet from the impact with the floor. Time to utilize his hyperspace tracker.

**

Snoke seems pleased but Hux is still ordered onboard the Supremacy which was Snoke's ship, a monstrous thing which now housed most of the First Order personnel that had managed to escape the destruction of Starkiller Base. They meet in the throne room with Snoke's guards standing in red in a room that's decorated in much the same way as the rest of the ship, except here the Supreme leader seems to favour crimson. Maybe he believes it works well with that gaudy robe in gold he’s wearing.

Ren enters as he walks out and Snoke starts talking about him even before the doors have slid shut. A rabid curr. Suppose that was all he could expect the old man to see? 

**

Rage is burning through him even after smashing his helmet. He has ordered the Silencer to be made ready and is heading towards the hangar as alarms bleep and pilots rush towards their TIE-tighters, when Vicrul and Ap-lek pull him into a side corridor, away from the main path of the buzzing fleet. 

“We have to get rid of him!”

“Who?”

“Who do you think, brother? Snoke! We have to kill him!” Vicrul almost whispers, it’s like that somehow would make it less treasonous than it is. Behind him, Ap’lek is nodding and Ren can’t understand how and when the other man had managed to get her on his side. 

“We can’t! He would know. He would see us coming and end us before we even got to the room.” Ren can feel his whole body itching like it just knows that Snoke is listening in. 

“You can never reach your full potential under him.” The female knight says, her mask warping her voice into something else entirely. 

“He will use you up and throw you away. You know I’m right! Kylo, please, listen—“

“No! We’re not having this discussion. Not now and not ever!” He turns to move but they block him “Stop being an idiot! He doesn’t care about you, he never did! All he did was use you and bind you to him so you wouldn’t end up killing him.” 

“Kriff you! We don’t have time for this discussion now.”

“No, kriff you! Get your head out of your ass!” 

“If we don’t have it now you will keep avoiding us. Things are shifting in our favour, can’t you feel it? It’s already in motion. It would be foolish to stop now.” 

It’s almost ironic. The planner of them together with the two who never really plans anything.

“There will be a scapegoat and I will talk to the others. The only thing you need to do is keep your head cool and in the game. No distractions, no General. This is for the ‘big boys’, you can play with your pet afterwards.”

The big boys, meaning serious business. Ren can’t help but to snort even if he’s still filled with so much doubt that it feels like his gut is twisting. If the plan is in motion then it would be hard to make the knights stop, even for him. He still hasn't decided what to do when he climbs onboard the Silencer. Without him, the knights will die. So it isn’t just a decision about his future, it’s between Snoke and the others which is what Ap’lek wanted. She knows only an ultimatum would work and she’s betting her and the other knights' lives on it. 

Flying the Silencer is a joy that Kylo can’t take any pleasure in right now. Some of the rage has drained from him but he wants to be rid of this constant feeling of failure that Snoke and the resistance seem adamant at hammering into him. From that girl to the older members who knew Ben Solo and likes to remind Ren of that. ‘What do you think your mother feels about this?’ ‘For shame, Ben!’ 

The new prototype can easily go where the other fighters can’t and since he knows where they keep their ships then there he goes. Shooting at the ships is easy, he doesn’t care who’s aboard them, feeling Leia however… He can imagine her standing on the bridge with that stupid look on her face that she always wore when he did something she didn’t approve of. Like he had just kicked a puppy and was the worst child to ever roam the planet. He is ready to blast her into space when he realizes he can’t. It’s her! Even this far away she’s using the limited grasp she has over the Force to control him! Because it can’t… 

He can’t kill them both.

Then Hux is ordering him to return closer to the ship so they can cover him, no doubt thinking more of the prototype than him seeing as he had returned to his quarters at the first sign of getting better and a wounded Ren had avoided him. What was it Snoke had called him? ‘A rabid curr’ well then, maybe it was time to give the General a much shorter leash. 

**

“What is the point of all this..?” Hux gestures around himself on the bridge where a droid is busy cleaning the floor even amidst the battle. He might as well have been alone there since it was so very massive, much like Supremacy itself. He supposed a small one would look odd. But really? He didn’t believe in building bigger and bigger ships unless they could develop better shielding technique and kriffing cannons that could reach something.

They have six tractor beams. Six! Yet as it was they were completely useless. They have to settle on gnawing on the heels of the resistance as they drive in front of them, exhausting fuel and energy. 

**

The scapegoat arrived in the hangar in a neat drop pod, and Ap’lek was already ready and there to meet her. 

Manipulating the girl had been easier than she thought it would be. The idiot wanted so hard to believe she could change things, that she could change Ren and Ap’lek had played along, meeting up with her in dreams where she claimed Ren was changing. That she was afraid of Snoke finding out.

She hardly had to use her heritage as a zeltron at all. Talking with Vicrul had been the hardest part. She hadn't known what his thoughts were on Snoke at the time, only felt that sometimes they weren’t good ones. It had happened during one of the nights where their lord was busying himself with his toy General and it had been stiff and awkward at first. Then a plan had started to shape up, at least in her mind. Vicrul had told her to point at something and he would kill it, not to complicate it more than that. Idiot.

She tried hard not to feel smug when she could feel betrayal and fear radiate from Rey, especially when Trudgen’s shadow fell over them both.


	10. Bite the hand that feeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I start to question everything. I wish my English was as good as my Swedish. I find myself lacking and I really don't like it.

Words can’t describe the pleasing feeling that fills him when Captain Phasma tells him over the comm that they have the traitor together with a girl and a slicer named DJ. That name feels familiar somehow. Have they had dealings with him before?

Finally though, something to do instead of just waiting.

The semi-unknown man had already made a deal with Phasma about something FN- 2187 had told him and he can admit to liking a man who can sell out his friends so fast for the small figure he had asked for. 

To show the soldiers what they do to traitors, he makes them stand and watch, he even slaps FN-2187. A punch would be too crude. This is not some barfight. 

The faces on the traitor and his fiery friend make it all so much better to give DJ his credits and supplies in front of them. They had to check if the information was valid before he was allowed to leave and so the sweet taste of petty revenge kept giving. 

**

They all meet up to bring the girl to Snoke, she’s staring hard at Ren in such disbelief that makes Ap’lek smile behind her mask. 

“What now?” 

They stop outside of the lift. The Supreme leader must know their intentions by now but Ren is holding on to the feeling of being undecided.“Those of you that want no part of this, leave now.”

“Noone is leaving.” Ushar raises her chin, “We’ve done everything together so far. We will do this too together. Prepare yourselves, we do not have the advantage here.”

“What’s happening? What are you guys doing?” Rey asked.

“We are giving you a chance to kill Snoke. It’s what you want, isn’t it? To free Ren?” Ap’lek's voice is soothing, almost comforting and she grabs the girl's hand to give back the lightsaber she took from her. “All you have to do is kill him.”

Rey nods. Perhaps she thinks it will be easy? She hasn’t met Snoke yet, not like the rest of them and they don’t know how many he has up there now. He could have called in his entire personal guard. 

“Let’s send the rabbit in first, distract them a little?” Ushar nods towards Rey. “Then Cardo and Kuruk shoot the old pig before we charge?”

“Sounds like a plan,”

There is a general alarm around them, troopers and droids are running where they are needed and in the middle of this is confused and scared civilians, ambassadors that were waiting to watch Snoke make quick work of the resistance only to find themselves in a game of cat and mouse. 

It works in their favour, no one gives them a second glance and if someone later questions their whereabouts they can say they were there to protect Supreme Leader Snoke. 

They start by sending Rey up before taking the lift up themselves, cloaking it if the old sith thought of stopping them midway and sending them down to be crushed.  
He is busy playing with Rey, dragging her across the room like a ragdoll while laughing at her curses. Both Kuruk and Cardo fall to their knees to take aim as the guards in red start to run towards them to block the shots.

Time seems to almost slow down as Kuruks multi-barreled rifle spits out a plasma bolt, he pumps it and shoots another as Cardo fires his arm-cannon. Super-heated bolts of energy light up the throne room and hit one of the guards in the face where it boils him to a pulp like rays from a miniature sun. It hisses as the smell of the melted plastoid and flesh disperse in the air and leave two stumps that once were legs. The other plasma bolt hits an invisible wall around Snoke as he directs some of his attention from Rey to them.

Cardo’s arm cannon manages one bolt of plasma before overheating and a shrill warning joins the cacophony of noise. The bolt takes off the top of Snoke's throne and the old man growls and flings Rey at them just as the smith-apprentice pulls out the blaster and shoots one of the guards as they keep advancing. 

Vibro enhanced weapons were the next best thing after a lightsabre, it makes a hum similar to the sabres. Trudgen parries Rey who crashes to the side of them, he is running with the enormous cleaver buzzing in his hands, using more force than finesse. Ap’lek has her Mandalorian executioner's axe and ducks to swing it low at one of the guards, keeping them at distance and away from Ren. Ushar stays with the two ranged men as they reload their weapons, Kuruk might be able to get more plasma out of his rifle but the arm-cannon has played its part for this fight. 

Vicrul is on Kylo’s right, where he belongs. His weapon is shorter than the polearms the red guards are using and he has to block it and keep it from the centre more than actual cutting, kicking a second guard away from them. 

They need to take out Snoke first, the guards will be easier than instead of the annoying bees they pose as now only instead of stinging they hurt.

Snoke taunts them while warping the reality around them, making it shift and tilt like a living thing and makes running so much harder. Yet he only had six, now five of his guard in there, meaning he was either underestimating them or overestimating his ability to stay alive.

He’s roaring with laughter and it’s booming as it echoes on the walls into thunder that makes Rey scream as she covers her ears before leaping towards the Supreme leader, spinning over the blade on one of the polearms only to be gripped by the throat.

Snoke is grinning, his rough face looks like a star that has taken too many meteor hits, saliva splatters as he shouts out insults to all of them and the room suddenly tilt before it turns completely and they crash towards the ceiling. 

Ren was just about to strike down on the leader, having used Vicruls back as a springboard. He tumbles with the rest of them to the vaulted ceiling before the gravity goes back to normal and Trudgen falls heavily against one of the polearms and it skewers his thigh, the guards head is severed the second later but he can’t get up again, breaks the handle off in two but has to keep the blade in place so he won’t bleed to death. Ushar rushes in to take his place as Ap’lek stumbles and the guard misses her head by a hair leaving a sharp cut into her helmet.

It’s Vicrul who notices Snoke where he’s sat down, a hand on his head and a stupefied look on his face. Ren must have nicked him before the fall and the lightsaber has cauterized the wound to keep the blood from falling. Kylo doesn’t waste any time but stalks towards his old master with his brother at his side and as he goes for the gut when Vicrul goes for the throat.

What follows is a heavy feeling of nothing. Ren was expecting to feel different as Snoke has always been so ready to aggrandize himself into a sort of god.   
Yet there he was…  
Cardo and Kuruk move in to drag Trudgen away to the sickbay and Ap’lek covers them as Ren, Vicrul and Ushar fight the remaining four guards. They are force sensitive at least, channelling it into physical strength and speed like the knights, making it challenging.  
They keep moving not to allow the red ones to dictate the terms, keeping them separated while trying to dominate the centre. Just like they practised.

When Rey has found her feet again the fighting is easy, she manages to down her guard even without any real training before turning against Ushar, swinging her lightsaber in precise jabs to topple the woman before cleaving her warclub in half and raising her arms to finish her off but at the same time; exposes her weak point to a blaster shot from Vicrul, his gun always on his hip in case he’ll need it. It only makes her look up at him, ignoring the wound in her shoulder. He shoots again but this time he only hits her saber and makes it fall out of her hands.

Rey takes off in a rush and he races after her together with a humiliated and enraged Ushar.

Ren is left with two of the guards, twirling their polearms before resuming their battle stances and he couches to get ready but calls on the discarded sabre and ignites it just as they advance and he kicks away one of them before attacking the other, swinging the blades in circles around him between the hits. 

The cracked kyber crystal takes them all by surprise as it explodes and throws them in different directions.

**

  
Hux leaves the execution to Captain Phasma as he is needed back on the bridge. They have managed to blast some of the smaller ships heading down towards Crait as he sees the remaining one turn. It was supposed to be empty, wasn’t it? Abandoned as the resistances fled like trapped animals, yet somehow it is powering up its hyperdrive. If it jumps with them in front of it… Real fear bubbles up inside of him and he can see how the rest of the staff are as choked as he is. 

“Fire upon that cruiser!”

It’s almost beautiful, the way it hits and he can see the damage as it spreads, separating one of the wings from the Supremacy and taking ten or more star destroyers with them. 

It’s more, as he scrambles up from the floor to check the damage he feels his knees start to shake.

“Hail the others, see how many are still out there and how many we can save!”

“But General…” No doubt they know it's a doomed cause as well as he does but he just can’t stand around and not try. If it's some escape pods out there in the cold then they have to find them. 

Ship after ship fails to report in and while he’s monitoring the Supremacy and tries to stay in contact with the wing he can’t help but count the presumed dead. Twenty ships, that was to be about eight hundred and twenty thousand people give or take and how many have been lost on this one?

He makes his way to Snoke's throne room, wondering why he hasn't been contacted already. This was going to be the end of him, the Supreme leader was going to kill him for this. Hux should have anticipated the move, he shouldn't have just presumed that it was empty. But who would even imagine a karking mad man to be on board?!

The mop-up is going to be massive. They have to send out letters of condolences. He’s going to have to personally sign those to the higher officers…  
His head never stops planning but he can’t think of this now, Snoke is going to chew him up and if he wants the old fart to cough him back up then he better have a plan.

“Phasma!” He almost yells into the comm, he’s going to need her now but she doesn’t reply, he shouts a few more times before entering the lift up to Snoke, steeling himself for whatever was to come.

**

It’s more instinct than actual thought or want for that matter. He sees the dead form of the Supreme leader at the throne. There are small fires everywhere and he sees the bodyguards in red, slashed to pieces and heavily burnt. What the stars have happened?! Has Ren finally lost it and gone completely mad? Then the childhood goal kicks in, the one where he wouldn’t just settle on being near power; he would be the power! 

Supreme leader Hux. It has a nice ring to it. 

The knight is motionless on the floor and Hux grabs his blaster only to find himself hesitating, it would be so easy to get rid of him now, but does he want to? Suddenly the knight is moving and he reholsters it again, a sickening feeling at the back of his throat over how low he had sun. He had always told himself he was better, that at least he wasn’t Brendol.

This would have been a very Brendol thing to do.

For Ren it’s the same thing all over again, someone he’s trusting that wants to kill him while he’s vulnerable. It hurts like someone is trying to pull his stomach right out through his chest before stomping on him and he shuts everything out, like closing his eyes to the light. He doesn’t want to hear Hux, doesn’t want to feel him right now. Instead, he barks out his orders, ready to deal with Hux afterwards but he has the gall to question him, forcing him to turn to him in rage. 

He is squeezing the life out of the ginger before he even has the chance to think about it and Hux does a pitiful grimace as he falls to his knees while hailing him as the new Supreme Leader. It doesn’t feel like he thought it would, not that he had given it much thought at all. He had wanted Snoke gone, everything else was just a bonus.

Except for this.

He pulls Hux up on his feet and shoves him in front of him to the hangar and aboard an Upsilon. It’s time to finish this, his mother and the rebels have nowhere else to run.   
The General is quiet, his eyes glued to the floor as he moves carefully like he’s afraid of doing any sudden movements. 

Good, let him live in the fear of what is to come. 

They bring what weapons the can scramble down to the planet, including the super laser  
Siege weapon. It will make quick work of the doors, Hux says in a brittle voice. He tries to act normal, to give the suggestions and orders he normally does but he has the fear of Ren's rage hanging over him like an execution axe. It keeps sending shivers through him and he finds his hands shaking so he hides them behind his back. 

When Luke Skywalker enters the battle Ren goes completely apoplectic and the ginger can’t say he blames him, he knows he should keep quiet and just let this have its natural course but he also doesn’t want Ren to make an arse of himself.

After he’s thrown across the cockpit and his head is knocked against the hard durasteel wall; he feels that nausea again together with a headache pounding through his skull. His ears are ringing and for a moment he debates just lying there until it’s all over. Maybe this is all a bad dream? Maybe he didn’t get well from the PCS, perhaps it just got worse?

**

  
Ren is aflame on their way back from Crait; he's so furious that the shuttle feels like it has a malfunctioning heating system; making them all slowly cook to death in the stew that is the Supreme leader's rage. 

Hux tried leaving the room in the hope that it would change something but was instead held firmly in place before he was pushed back down onto his seat. Ren glared at him but he found himself at a loss for words even though his head seemed full of them.  
Then they were back on the battered ship and Ren addressed the junior officers before the shuttle door opened. 

“Have Enric Pryde sent for. Tell him to report to the Supremacy at once.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader!” 

He didn't want the General being able to move about without him watching but at the same time, he can’t stand to look at him anymore and so walked off. 

Hux waited until he was the last one off the shuttle. He wondered how he would talk himself out of this one, if that was even possible when he saw a familiar face. 

Tritt Opan. 

He could have kissed him at that moment and smiled widely before getting his face back under control. 

“Rumour has it leader Snoke is dead. I figured you could need us.”

“Us?” He couldn’t help but hope he had somehow been able to find Phasma. That it was just her com that had died. 

“Millicent is with me. She’s very unhappy but she’s inside the room I managed to secure for myself.”

He had forgotten Tritt's past as a slicer and would normally have frowned upon him hacking into the computer. Now was not one of those times. 

“I am very pleased to have you here. Both of you.” 

**

Phasma is dead, they find her at the bottom of a shaft that had opened up after the resistance ship had crashed into them. Her armour is almost completely intact but the body inside is crushed and broken. When Hux spots her blaster he picks it up and shoves it down one of his pockets to clean it later in his quarters. She had a brother on her home planet. Would he be notified?

Ren calls the remaining military commanders to a meeting and hasn’t forgiven or forgot anything as he corners Hux outside. 

“Do you think I’m playing some game here, Hux? Hmm? I can’t trust you! There is no chance amongst the stars that I’m ever going to allow you to command the Supremacy. But keep the title, Hux. I know how important it is to you, keep it and choke on it!” 

He doesn’t have to come up with a reply because Ren walks away from him and into the meeting room where the other officers are waiting. Men and women who have likely heard the Supreme leader shouting. He doesn’t want to go in but he has to and so he straightens up and makes sure his parade-uniform is looking impeccable before striding in. 

The supreme leader doesn’t even bother to look at him as he reorganises the top, promoting some of the officers and demoting others. The ships are handed out like favours from the emperor and then he gives the Finalizer to Peavy. He even waited to mention that ship last, just to make the red-head sweat. 

Hux's only real chance of escaping this nightmare is gone. 


	11. Testing my faith

What follows is a humiliating period where he isn’t assigned anything, he’s almost not allowed to even have a datapad in his hands. 

Rey is blamed for the death of Snoke and a search after her and the rest of the resistance begins again. 

Hux was ordered out of his quarters to a significantly smaller one and was constantly made fun of by Pryde and his closest; who liked to sneer at him and call him a bastard child of a scullery maid, yet Hux soldiers on, Ren has to forgive him someday?

He doesn’t and it’s pure torture. He is paranoid and continually on his guard after hearing from Tritt that there had been talk about getting rid of him. Getting rid of him how? Killing him? Tritt manages to get his hand on a vibroblade and shows him where to store it so that he easily can flick it forward when he needs it, it makes him feel a little safer but not much. 

So they practice a few times in one of the storage rooms, whispering and hissing at each other in case someone is outside. Tritt is a surprisingly good teacher, patient and methodic. Never sighing at how clumsy the General seems to be at first. It was a long time since he had been in the Academy and let’s not even mention the field. He’s horribly out of shape and quite twitchy now that he doesn’t have his pills or his smokes. The only reason he has some cheap alcohol is that Tritt finds him some. 

Ren goes from avoiding him to openly make snide remarks every time he saw him. He reacts to every word Hux says, every frown he makes; like all he ever does is to scrutinise him, before taunting him with news about the Finalizer.

One of the last straws is when the stormtrooper program is taken away from him and given to another. It was Brendol who created it and  _ him _ who perfected it! It is his! But they only laugh at him now when they are all aware that he has completely fallen out of favour and he straightens his parade uniform while pretending he doesn’t hear it.

This isn’t worth it. 

Hux has been beaten before only to come out on top but this time the odds feel overwhelming and he can’t seem to get Phasma out of his head. He misses her with a physical ache; like a large part of him is missing. Sometimes he can almost hear her react to things that happen around him. What she would call the people around him and what she would do if she were in his position. 

_ Blackmail Pryde. _

It all seems so much easier when her voice is there to comfort and direct him. There are days he doesn’t talk with anyone nor sees Opan so he talks to Millicent and he talks to Phasma while he drinks more and more. He also doodles on napkins he steals from the mess hall since he isn't allowed a pad and tries drawing her face, the way she used to smirk or gloat over other's misfortune. 

He’s not even sure Moorlun or Unamo is alive. And Dunnbar, was he still there?

_ Blackmail Pryde. _

He hears her say again as he’s doing yet another napkin sketch of her and he tries to remember what his father once had said about Pryde, something about a secret in his past. Can it really be that simple?

_ People tend to be boring and predictable, Hux.  _

He asks Opan to investigate it rather than ordering him as he now feels that Tritt is the only ally he has. 

Thankfully, Opan doesn't let him down and he strides into Pryde’s office with newfound strength already the same day he receives the compromising notes. 

“Allegiant General, it has a nice ring to it. Of course, it would not have been possible without the help of William Fray, would it?” 

Pryde scoffs and leans back in his exquisite chair, but Hux can see that he hadn’t been expecting this and that he’s hooked. If only he can manage to reel him in too…

The ginger sits down in one of the squeaky leather chairs in front of the desk, he had used this room himself and had hoped it would be his someday, now he just wanted off. 

“Are you two still close with Calthrop?”

“What is it you want, General Hux?” 

_ His head on a plate.  _

“I want off this thing and you are going to help me. Reassign me back to the Finalizer and I’ll be out of your hair. All of this could just as easily go away…”

He smirks while shaking on the inside. If the Allegiant General decides to confront his past rather than try to bury it again then Hux will be in deep trouble. 

“How will I know you won’t use this against me again?” 

“I will have the trail destroyed and transfer the only copy over to you. Then it would just be my word against yours and I believe we both know who would win that fight?” It stings having to admit it but he can swallow his pride for now. 

“Very well. I will see that you are assigned back aboard the Finalizer. Frankly, it will be a relief not having to look at your pathetic face.”

It sounds easy enough but he’s sure Pryde is going to find all sorts of unsavoury ways to make sure his copy is the only one. Hux has a trying time ahead of him but everything is better than this kriffing ship.

“The feeling is quite mutual.” he smiles.

“Get out of my sight! I will let you know when you are clear to leave.” Pryde sneers before picking up his pad.

Hux stands up and nods, he even salutes the bastard before walking out and back to his small room for a long and cheerful cuddle with Millie. They are going home! 

He can handle Peavy and soon everything will be back to normal. Ren will forget him eventually, maybe not forgive him but he’d rather be nothing to him than this. 

**

“You’re done torturing Hux then?” Vicrul peers up from the pad. No doubt looking for holoporn but stumbling onto something entirely different. 

“No. Why?” Ren is annoyed again, Ren is always annoyed nowadays. 

“He is being assigned back to the Finalizer?” 

“On whose order?!” Kylo is suddenly standing up, fuming with his fists closed; knuckles whitening.

“Where can I— ah! Enric Pryde.” He almost throws the pad away before following Kylo’s angry stride to the Allegiant General's office. This might be fun and he’d hate to miss it. 

“Who said you could send Hux back to the karking Finalizer!?” He roars before even being fully in the room, Pryde looks terrified and shrinks back into the chair before he gets up on shaky legs to stand in some sort of attention. Vicrul is hoping Ren will snap and lash out again but it doesn’t happen.

“Cancel it! That’s an order!”

“Y-Yes, Supreme leader!” 

Alright, that was anticlimactic but wait!

Kylo isn’t done yet and he continues through the hallways, making people turn in their tracks to avoid him.

Vicrul isn’t surprised that Ren knows which room belongs to the red-haired General. Even if Kylo’s mind has been all over the place lately.

The door is forced up with a metallic groan and he hears a surprised yell from the General before Kylo is growling again like some massive beast. 

“If you think I’m letting you off this damned ship then you are sorely mistaken! The First kriffing Order is  _ mine _ and so you are _ mine! _ I would suggest you don’t test me General or I will—! Kark!” He’s holding his hands like he wants to choke the ginger but settles with flinging his table against one of the walls where it crashes into pieces. 

Millicent hissed loudly, teeth bared as she apparently is the only one who would dare attack him but Hux pulls her close to him, visibly shivering so the Supreme leader leaves just as suddenly as he showed up, cursing and muttering. 

Hux locks himself and Millie into the refresher, the small space calming him enough to try and think. 

Why had Pryde gone to Ren in the first place? And why hadn’t he seen it as a possible risk? Fear was making him stupid and a part of him, a really tiny one; is happy Ren showed such rage over the thought of losing him. It made him feel oddly alive and special. 

_ You’re one sick puppy, Hux. It’s time to think of a plan B and go.  _

She was right. This wasn’t healthy. 

Together with Opan, he draws one up and they meet in the older man's little room. Hux’s might not be much bigger but it’s a lot more luxurious and he doesn’t have to share his refresher with others. Thank the stars!

The ship is on it’s way to Fondor after a rumour about the resistance being seen close to that planet. From Fondor it’s three to four days of hyperdrive to Coruscant and from there Hux can go where he pleases. He spends his evenings with Millicent purring in his lap while reading up on the trade routes printed out on a sheet by Tritt. He figures he can catch a ship travelling the Corellian Run, it will probably take one or two weeks to Chrisophsis. Three if he’s unlucky. Then he can travel from the crystal planet to home, to Arkanis. 

It’s not a very original plan but he wants to go home. He needs it.

Tritt knows about Coruscant but nothing more. He can’t have it pried from Opan’s head. The less he knows the better. Right? 

“You could come with me, you know?” Opan has been a life saviour and he wouldn’t have made it this far without him. 

“And do what?” The older man smiles slightly before he shakes his head. “Besides, I'll do better here, being your eyes and ears in case you want to return. No matter what the ‘Supreme Child’ might think; you’ll always be General to me.” 

He feels his eyes burn and his chin twitch so he raises the glass of cheap wine to cover it up. The man doesn’t need his sorrow but his strength! 

Still, Opan has that lilt when he talks, like the old folks from Arkanis. Those without money and need for a spotless pedigree. 

His accent had been one of the things Hux really liked about him, other than his efficiency when it came to killing. 

“Don’t make me say please, Tritt. First Phasma and now you? I’m already at loss over how I’m to take Millicent’s with me.” 

“You can’t bring her, sir. Surely you know that? She’ll slow you down.”

Hux does a soft sound, almost a sob but not quite, before covering his mouth with his fingertips. “I— I can’t do this. We should abort. Let’s abort.”

He hears her voice and Opan’s answer at the same time, mingling into one although the words are different.

_ You’re being an idiot, Hux!  _

“You can and you will! Do you want to live the rest of your life under Pryde’s boot? And within Ren’s reach? ‘Cause there’s where he’ll keep you.” 

**

The chance comes when Zoeylis Rugarr wants to go shopping at Coruscant. It’s the right place to go and it allows him access to an Upsilon; something he can sell. Even if the mere thought makes him cringe.

Opan packs what he thinks the General will need together with whatever credits he can get his hands on with such short notice. Somehow he’s even gotten his hand on stimulants and tells Hux to ‘eat them like candy’ until he’s someplace safe. 

Vicrul isn’t surprised that Kylo doesn’t seem to notice how his pet-General is hatching a new plan to get off the ship. The Supreme leader doesn’t meditate, he hardly even sleeps and seems to have turned off every logical part of himself to use brute force alone to shape up the remains of the First Order, or he sits in that throneroom and broods. Vicrul knows what mood he favours.

The other knights are sent out to smash uprisings or to eliminate officers who are against the change of leadership, probably having a great time while he’s stuck playing Ren’s right hand, something he would enjoy normally. But not now. 

Ren’s problems used to be his as his problems used to be Ren’s. They’ve shared armour, weapons and laughs, there was no one he trusted to have his back more than Kylo and he knows Ren feels the same, maybe that’s why he had such a hard time knowing how to deal with this... depressed rage, or whatever he should call it? He doesn’t share it.

He keeps himself close to the hangar even if he’s fairly certain he knows both the day and the time that Hux is going to try to make a run for it. He may not have Ren’s power but he’s not a complete tool. 

He is checking the shuttle's planned destination when a droid leaves it, stops to peer at him then hurry off. He likes droids, he likes how it's customary to implement dread and worry into them. A pilot walks briskly towards the shuttle, ready to enter it. He doesn’t have any gear with him but the knight figures that’s what the droid was doing in there. Stashing things away for the General to use later. 

No matter what he wears; Hux looks the same and the knight turns toward him, leering inside of his mask. 

“Remove that helmet.”

_ Shoot him. Do it now, Hux _

“... I’m sorry?”

“Remove the helmet, Hux. I know it’s you.” His gloved hand tightens around the scythe and the ginger clicks the helmet open before lifting it off, his hair is combed back from his face but otherwise free from the goop he usually puts in it. The Pantoran is surprised over how furious he suddenly feels like all of this could have been different if Kylo had just—

“Are you here to stop me then?” He straightens even if he doesn’t have his parade-uniform on, his face passive, nonchalant so the knight steps closer, almost shaking with rage.

“We shared everything, you know!” Vicrul snarled, close enough to reach out and grab the General if he wanted “Everything but you!” 

“I— I don't know what to say to that..”

“Nothing. You say nothing and you go!” He uses his scythe to point towards the shuttle and the red-head nods before hurriedly putting his helmet back on just as the wife of one of the politicians arrives with a small group of soldiers. 

The second the shuttle disappears from sight into hyperspace Vicrul knows he’s just made a huge mistake.

**

When Ren realises that Hux isn't on the Supremacy he panics and starts searching the minds of those thousands onboard, wrenching it out of them and tearing through them even when he hears screams and sees people clutching their heads as they fall. 

Like shockwaves, it travels from him and outwards, disrupting the lives of the crew and passengers and most likely scarring some for life.

Someone has to know, someone must have seen him! And suddenly there he is in the black armour of a pilot with a helmet under his arm, talking.

He narrows his search, plunging himself into that mind that has seen him the most and feels it fall apart around him from the impact. It convulses and drools, people around him quickly crawl to his side.

Tritt Opan.

He should have known. 

Even though he’s too late he races towards the hangar, flinging away those who get in his way. There are people everywhere, whimpering and moaning, staring at him with terrified faces and he smashes some of them through the walls, breaking skulls and splattering blood and grey matter in pure anguish.

How could he leave him?! How could he—

He falls down on his knees where the shuttle Hux boarded stood just an hour before, stares out into the open space. Hux is really gone.

And Vicrul... 

When he hears a noise behind him and feels Vicrul’s tentative mind; he jumps up on his feet, whirls around and uses the Force to push him violently across the hangar where he crashes into boxes with spare parts. A droid rolls quickly behind cover, peering at the Supreme leader with such a stupid face that it somehow makes him completely forget the surging rage only to chuckle. 

He snorts and walks over to the other man to give him a helping hand up.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“You did, yes,” Ren answers but he’s more relaxed now.

“I messed up. But I know where he went.”

“Tell me.” He had been careless with Opan, breaking him just to get a flash of Hux instead or finding out where he had gone. 

He later receives word that one of the officers had some sort of stroke that had left him braindead. Without a family; Dr.Kirsti wants to know what to do. Should she ‘pull the plug?’

Ren figures he should at least see the man, if only to see if he can pry something else out and they walk together to the medbay where people are crowding around, whimpering and crying as they are being examined and painkillers are distributed.

Doctor Kirsti is a woman in her prime, speaking breviloquent and having a no-nonsense attitude. She’s no idiot so she doesn’t ask him a thing about the sudden flood of patients, instead, she acts like it’s just another day at work. 

“I was told he has a pet.” They are standing at the bed surrounded by beeping machines, Opan hooked up to all of them where he’s lying with his eyes closed and his face oddly crooked.

“A pet?” 

“A cat of some sort. Should I euthanize it?”

“Yes.”

“Very well.” Kirsti turns to leave but he stops her, how big are the odds of him and Hux both owning cats? “Let me look at it first.” 

Vicrul walks with him to Opan’s room as well. They easily get the door open and hears an annoyed chirrup as Millicent comes padding over the floor only to stop and give them a look of utter disappointment, she even glares at the Supreme leader, probably remembering the last time they met.

Ren still crouches down to let her sniff his gloved hand before lifting her up to his chest and holding her to his nose. She smells familiar.

“What is that monstrosity?” Vicrul asks, not even wanting to touch the furry thing and scrunching his face up. 

“It’s Hux’s.” 

“Oh yeah! I remember seeing it— Shit and stars! It's karking hideous! Are you really keeping it?” 

Peering down into Millie’s face he can’t see how he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to hurt the ginger, killing Opan might be enough, for now. There was always Moorlun and Unamo if he really was feeling petty, not to mention Dunnbar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You push me to fail  
> Drive me to break  
> You're testing my faith  
> Feel I should run  
> But I'll stay till the end


	12. People are strange when you're a stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notice the First Order-fascism-tag? Yeah.

Seven shifts with Zoeylis Rugarr is seven too many. The woman is insufferable and treats the soldiers that accompany her like utter dirt. 

She tries to order Hux around as well, believing he’s just a pilot, but he ignores her and refuses to take the helmet off for even a second. Can’t have her recognize him even though there wouldn’t be much she could do about it now. 

It could complicate things and Hux likes it when his plans are smooth. 

He eats and sort of sleep in the cockpit to get away from her, her silly fancies and all the holo shows she watches for hours. He’s already eaten more than half of the stims and feels himself twitching from time to time, ignoring her when she’s pressing the com and asks for service. 

**

There are so many levels of Coruscant and had Hux been here on official business he would have landed on top on one of the many rooftops, his troopers ready and waiting to take him to the grandest of hotels. But now he’s putting the shuttle down somewhere in between and does a slow post-landing checkup, anxious for the woman to be gone. How her husband could stand her; he has no idea. Maybe that is why he showers her with credits and tells her to go splurge? 

But she waits him out only to give him a piece of her mind when he stepped outside. They decide upon a time for him to come and pick her up in two days, a date he has no intention of honouring and climbs back inside and locks the hatch before he pulls out the clothes Opan had gotten for him as soon as they are gone.

They aren’t that different from what he usually wore and at least it was all in monochromatic black. The pants were like a second skin but squatting down was still possible. He found this out doing just that. The boots went up to his knees and the slim jacket was long and had a scarflike hood he could cover most of his features with.

Way to go Opan!

He hoped the older man was enjoying being free from a leash as he pulled on thin gloves, he couldn’t imagine going out into the dirty world without any and had told the older man many times that they simply were a must. 

He had an inkling as to where to go to maybe sell the shuttle, or parts of it. Not that he needed the money but it was always better to have and not need than the other way around. 

But sort of knowing where to go or to actually knowing where to go; still doesn’t mean he knows whom he should talk to. 

Years had passed since Padmé Amidala was alive but still her influence could be seen amongst the rich and powerful in the city. Even though she had looked like most women on Naboo, who expressed themselves mostly through extravagant clothing and jewellery, she seemed to have been the one to capture everyone’s heart. 

Perhaps it was because most knew her story? The one where she secretly married a Jedi, a group that was supposed to be chaste like monks. Or so people believed. No one knew very much about them or the tragedies that had taken place in the higher parts of the city. Countless plays had been written about it.

Hux had never been curious. The thought of dying because of a broken heart had always been laughable. Now though— it didn’t seem that far fetched at all. 

He missed Phasma desperately and thought he saw her everywhere only to be disappointed by another tall blond. He realised a long time ago that he had started to view her as a sister and always valued her opinion above everyone else’s. He had allowed himself to become too attached and was now paying for it. And Ren, he couldn’t stop flattering himself with the thought that the supreme leader was looking for him. 

He wanted it. He wanted to be Ren’s world, the one that the other man couldn’t be without.

It was a silly wish. A vain and narcissistic one but there it was. No one had looked at him like Ren had done in that bed and Hux found himself hungry for it. 

But he had ruined it all. He should have thought about it before pulling out that blaster like a kriffing Kreetle!

_ There,  _ he heard her again as he was closing in on a store who, according to the sign, sold used parts. 

The doorbell chimes as he walks in, immediately assailed by the smell of filth. Unwashed bodies together with old grease and oil, rust and battery acid. So very unsanitary, he should remember to buy cleaning wipes afterwards. 

A sour-looking Toydarian was flapping at a desk while talking to a turquoise Rodian. A female, he thought. Though who actually knew? They all looked the same, nasty and fishlike, or are they more like lizards?

He could hear the sad tunes of binary from the back of the shop but ignored it. He had always understood it but pretended otherwise since it too had been one of the things Brendol Hux had disliked. 

“You! Are you buying or just looking?!” The rough voice of the creature asked accusingly and Hux tried hard not to tighten his upper lip in a sneer. 

“I was hoping to sell, or that maybe you had some information about someplace else for me to go.“

“Sell eh?! What are you trying to sell?!”

“A upsilon-class shuttle.”

The Toydarian and the Rodian laughed and the flying one almost fell over because of it. 

“Are you an idiot? No one will buy stolen goods from the First Order! They have trackers on everything!”

“True. But what if I told you I know where they are and how to pluck them out?” He tried hard not to sound indignant or use the commanding tone that seemed to be his normal one after years of use. 

Here it only meant trouble. 

“You really are as dumb as you look!” The Rodian laughed and knocked herself on the forehead to indicate just how empty his head had to be and he bristled but looked at the thing in front of her as he took control over his temper. He wasn’t a man-child after all. 

“Tough talk from a Rodian on the verge of buying useless junk.” He answered, recognising the outdated old shield generator. It was petty yet informative, so not at all so juvenile as he felt. 

The storekeeper buzzed in annoyance before flying over, his breath a mixture of bad teeth and rotten food. “What are you doing!? Are you trying to run me out of business, eh?!”’

“This is useless? Are you selling me useless junk!?”

“No, no, no I would never! You just need the coils here, see eh?” He draws it in the air next to the generator. 

“Yeah, good luck in finding technology from a non-existing planet…” Hux snorts as he continues to look around, foolishly waiting his turn. 

“You! I’m not doing business with you, get out of my store!”

“But I need—“

“You are bad for my business, get out!” 

He huffs but does as he’s told, stopping outside to look around as he tried to think of what to do next. He has papers in another name but should security personnel really check it then he’ll be in trouble. A commercial cargo ship is, therefore, his plan c. He needs to find someone, preferably before it gets dark. 

The bell chimes in the door behind him and the Rodian woman pokes him “Hey, you saved me a lot of money in there, what’s your name?”

“Mark Hux.” Half a lie is better than being caught with a big one and would someone recognize him. It might give him a few seconds of confusion he could use to his advantage. 

“Well then ‘Mark’. Did you really mean it when you said you could pluck them out?” 

_ Careful, _

“Yes.” He nods while trying not to look at her antennae, or what those protruding things were.

“Then I know just the gal if you’re still interested?”

_ Do it.  _

“I am.”

“Then I suppose you come with me. Normally I would charge you a percentage but I find myself honour-bound to repay you. I’m Captain Vlathlezu Zsee of the cargo ship Wanderlust.” 

His ears sharpened at that, could he be that lucky?

“Do you know of any ship doing the Corellian run?

“I might know a few, what’s your destination, Hack?”

Hack?... It was fine, he could live with that. 

“Christophsis.”

“Oh… !” She pronounced it like she was judging him now and she glances at his attire, probably trying to be discreet about it. But with those eyes?...

“Almost the whole way. Won’t be chee—eap.” Leaves her in an almost song. 

“That won’t be a problem if I can sell the shuttle, will it?” He doesn’t like being questioned like this, or at all for that matter and especially not by some bug-eyed space creature. 

How did they even manage to keep dirt from entering the humongous eyes with no eyelashes?

They walk along crowded streets and markets, Vlathlezu fits right in but Hux looks too fancy even though he has dressed down. He fits somewhere in the middle but with the Rodian by his side, they leave him alone, probably thinking she’s hustling him already and maybe she is? 

The ‘gal’ the Captain knows is a species Hux had only read about but never seen. Sluissi, half-snake, half-woman. She’s old and green, has a leather apron on and a utility belt strapped around her waist. He tries hard not to stare at her forked tongue or her reptilian eyes and instead watches her hammer out the dents in a piece of metal. Everywhere he looked there were strange beings and total disarray. The top of Coruscant was tolerable but this? He misses the order in the fleet, the symmetry in the uniforms and the armour. Everything had a place and was done for a reason. Except maybe Kylo Ren. 

“Lily! Allow me to introduce Hacks. He has a shuttle to sell, an upsilon-class.”

The Sluissi slowly looks at him, picking up a pair of welding goggles. “There is too much hassle with FO-stuff, you know that.”

“He claims he can take out the trackers. “

“Does he now? That’s more interesting.”

She puts her tools down to slither closer, graceful in her movement and why wouldn’t she be? Hux frowns at his thoughts. 

“How many trackers are usually in a shuttle?” She asks to test him. 

“There used to be four, now it’s nine.” 

“This is true. And how is it you come to know these things? Are you a defector?” 

Not really, he still believes in the cause. He’s just running from the Supreme leader. 

_ Don’t reply with that. _

“Something like that.” 

“Do you know how to drive it?

“Of course!” He can’t help but raise his chin at her. His piloting-skills, or the lack thereof, is becoming a sore spot.

“Then I will give you coordinates as to where to land”

“I would like to know how much you’re willing to pay me for it.” 

“One hundred and ninety thousand credits”

_ Kriffing snake! _

“Ha! Are you kidding me? That’s a ridiculously low sum!” 

“Two hundred thousand credits. Take it or leave it, mister Hack and you stay to remove the trackers.”

He had been sort of proud that no one dared touch First Order material. Now it was becoming a nuisance. 

_ Just take it.  _

“Fine. I accept your offer.” He holds out his hand and Lily shakes it. 

Thank the star for gloves. 

_ I agree.  _

Vlathlezu offered to take him to an access point to the higher levels and even to join him, should he wish it. She wants something and he takes his time looking at her in the elevator.

The Rodian is dressed in expensive but worn materials that had been mended a few times too many. Her blaster was cheap but well taken care of which would suggest she didn’t have the money to buy a new one. She had looked impressed by the sum he had been offered for the shuttle and was now clinging to him in the hope of getting a piece of the cake. He knows a user when he sees one. 

“How long have you been addicted to spice?”

She scoffs and looks away and he doesn’t blame her. It's never easy or fun having someone sum them up by a glance alone. 

Pulling her mantle closer to her she then sighed and nodded.

“Neutron Pixie…”

“Oh dear, you do have an expensive taste. I presume prices have only gone up?” 

Neutron Pixie made the user ecstatic, dampened pain, boosted endurance and strength as well as sped up the body's own reaction time. The withdrawal was said to be excruciating.

“Now that I know you’re good for it, you can travel on my ship. We do the Corellian Run…”

Ah. There it was.

_ I would sleep with both eyes open if I were you. Look out! _

They reached his floor and just as he was about to round a corner he saw four patrolling troopers in their white armour. The shorter Rodian bumps into him as he takes a step back and pulls on his hood to make it covers more. Were they here for him? Already? Did he mind?

“Kriff…”

“Need me to check it out for you, mister Hack?” She rubbed her nose, or was that a snout? He doesn't know.

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer. About a lift on the Corellian, and as you probably already thought about squeezing me for extra credits let me beat you do it. Keep them off me and the bonus will be substantial.”

“Will do.” She did what he guessed was a rodian smirk and a sloppy salute and he felt a shiver pass through him as he watched her scamper off. Was his days of being saluted behind him?

When she came back they walked to where he had parked the shuttle and Vlathlezu whistles when she walked aboard.

“This is some fancy shit… Wow…” She slides her hand over the walls towards the cockpit where she takes the co-pilot seat. “How wide is it with the wings fully out?”

“Thirty-Seven point two meters.”

_ Smartass.  _

“That’s very specific, Hack.”

He sees her looking at him with interest but focuses on the pre-lift computer check instead and then types in the coordinates as it’s hovering on the repulser drift.

“Does it come with any armaments or does it just rely on Ties defending it?”

“I know what you’re trying to do, Vlathlezu. Yes, I know First Order ships.”

“Ships, as in plural?” She twists to face him “All of their ships? Are you some high-shot engineer?!” 

Engineer Hack…

Fine. He could work with that. 

“Yes.”

**

The coordinates lead them to a big workshop where the roof can be opened to let them in. He’s shown the toilet and the coffee machine where he’s allowed to take as much as he wants, then it’s time for business. 

It takes hours to get all the trackers disabled and taken out. He shows Lily how to use some of the more rare features and feels himself getting more tired by the second as the stim is leaving his systems and does some more of his sort of sleeping, meaning he just nods for hours. Not quite awake but not sleeping either. His neck wants to kill him in the morning but he grabs a cup of caf and walks out into the workshop again. 

The Upsilon seems to be in a hundred pieces as she’s more interested in selling the parts than the actual shuttle and so would he, was the roles reversed. Still, it doesn’t feel good seeing it like that.

He gets some time for himself before the Wanderlust is scheduled to take off later in the evening and walks amongst the stalls, looking at trinkets and tools, buying a couple of holorecords with music and some extra clothes. 

There are some places with hootch, spices of various sorts, wine and brandy. That makes him stop.

_ Do it. Get drunk. What’s the harm? _

Yes, what’s the harm? He was already starting to forget himself. New clothes, new surroundings, new people and races he’s never seen before and who’ll he probably never see again. Where was General Hux of the First Order here? 

He wanders aimlessly but when he recognizes the Toydarians shop he knows it wasn’t an accident. The sound of that droid has been playing on repeat and he’s sure he’s heard it before. Not that particular droid, but the model. 

He can’t believe his luck when two troopers walk out with the shopkeeper to a waiting officer wearing the planet's colours. The flying little man is yelling as he tries to explain something but ends up ratting out someone else. 

Hux sneaks in, keeping an eye on the group outside. There are parts everywhere and it’s even messier now than before; like a fight had taken place which would explain the securities outside. 

There is a small maze of rooms and storage behind the shop, it’s smelly and dirty and he tries to keep away from more or less everything. 

He spots the BB-9E in an animal cage of some sort. The small, black droid has the typical flat head and red sensor colour that all the rest of them, serving the First Order. 

And he said he didn’t deal with that. 

Usually, they are malevolent things being memory wiped regularly to keep docile. This one whistles out and he’s quick to hush it. 

“Shut up. If we’re discovered then you are never getting out, are you? — Yes, yes, I can see the bolt.”

_ Leave it,  _ but he opens the easy hatch, leaning in to remove the restraining bolt that keeps the droid from making a run for it. When it tells him his name, rank and security code he freezes up. 

“Are you threatening me? Such a clever little imp. When we’re out of here you’re on your own, you know. But I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

He gets the bolt off as he hears voices from the shop and the BB quickly rolls further in, motioning him to follow. There is an exit at the back, with an alarm. 

The screeching noise is near deafening and he has to cover his ears and run at the same time. Probably looking like an idiot. But he catches his breath in an alley and peers down at the machine and sighs. 

“Keep quiet about me and we’ll be even — No, I’m not telling you where I’m heading. — Take you with me?... Are you completely mad? No.”

It starts arguing even louder and displays more of the ruthless personality that’s so common amongst his type. It’s like having a small Ren next to him. 

“Imp.” He glared down at the droid but in the end, he agreed. He didn’t have the time for this. “Cross me and I will wipe you entirely.” 

They hurry to the waiting ship, crisscrossing between patrolling guards and the few troopers, only relaxing once onboard. 

Two more Rodians meet him inside, relatives of Captain Zsee. They seem as little interested in him as he is with them but they show him and the droid around. 

The cargo bay is massive, the living quarters are not. The captain sauntered in minutes before the planned takeoff, no doubt her pockets filled with spice. 

“Who is this?” She looks at the droid who almost seemed to glare at her from behind Hux’s leg. More malice than actual guts. 

“This is BB-Hate,” he chuckles, thinking himself rather clever and probably too exhausted to be allowed to speak at all. He was almost dreading the thought of sitting or slowing down, knowing he won’t be able to get up if he did. But he also wanted to be alone for a while. 

“Can I trust you to be on your best behaviour? Help them if you want to but if you’re going to be an arse then at least stay out of everyone’s way?” He talks to it with the air of a General and the droid seems keener to listen, it whistles before it rolls off. He’s going to have to ask it how it knew who he was. Later.

They take off just an hour behind schedule and he’s given a room of his own, it’s not much bigger than the bed and the linen smells like they have been used by others but he doesn’t have any other options and it was just for a few weeks, right? He could swallow his pride for that, right?

Right...

He cried when he finally huddled in the corner on top of the bed, worn out both mentally and physically, stretched far too thin. And when he was done he felt calmer but empty, his head thick like he was beginning to get a headache. So he unscrewed one of the bottles with brandy and drank until he stopped thinking and passed out. 

He dreamt of Ren that night, of making out and necking on clean sheets back in Ren’s room on the Finalizer. He’s on his back with the other man between his legs. The muscles hard and hot as he wraps his legs around him to force him closer, dick against dick. 

The force-user seems to be touching him everywhere, all those hidden places that usually aren't erogenous but now suddenly are on fire, the soft skin at the back of his knees, his ankles and the outsides of his hands, everything is yearning to be caressed and kissed. To be allowed time with the knight who treats him like he was the most expensive and fragile thing in the world. 

It shouldn’t get him going but it does. Especially after Ren behaving like a mad Bantha back on the Supremacy. 

The kisses get wetter, his body more fondled than worshipped and suddenly there is a hand between his legs, fingertips pressing against the tight muscle. 

“I know what you need, General and I want it too, to fuck you…” the dark, almost purring voice hits him like a hammer. 

He snorts and blushes when he wakes up but finds the room smelling of burnt ozone and his boxers sticky and wet. 

He’s too old for wet dreams, isn’t he? 

He managed to wipe himself off and find fresh underwear, but he wears the same clothes as the day before and sniffed his armpit in dismay. It was still tolerable. But barely. The whole place seemed unsanitary so surely he would seem like a breath of fresh air?

He doesn’t cover his hair as it’s bound to be exposed sometime under the journey. Might as well get it over with. 

Meals are served in the small galley where he meets the final five of the crew, all giving him odd looks. When Vlathlezu greets him back amongst the living he doesn’t reflect on it at first but then shoots her a look. 

“You slept for two days…”

“Sorry? I what? Two days?”

“We have passed Ixtlar and Corellia already. Some food, Hack? We have blue milk pudding. Better enjoy it while it’s fresh. It gets… well, disgusting after three days.” 

“Why save it for three days?”

“You don’t want to know.” Whispers the man next to him and Hux decides to take his word for it. 

“Su Tian, ship medic.” 

“Ming Poan?

Tian grinned, white teeth flashing in his pale face. The black hair and the blue eyes weren’t special enough, it was the clothes - the cut and the colours. 

“Good eye! I wish I could do the same trick.” He scans him but shakes his head. 

The is another human on the other side of the table, or at least he thinks it is before he realises it's a Zeltron who is smiling at him in a flirty way and he gives her a short smile in return before lowering his gaze. He did not want to have her following him around even if she was a sight to behold with her pink skin and the light blue hair.

“I see you’ve captured the interest of our other guest. She too is someone the captain picked up in Coruscant and apparently quite wealthy by the looks of it.”

Hux snuck another peek but couldn’t get anything from her, her clothes were too new, her expression too guarded and her orange, almost yellow eyes somehow unnerved him.


	13. I was too weak to give in

Travelling space without any job or responsibility is a new experience for Hux. 

He isn’t the General or even the pilot, instead, he can just sit and do absolutely nothing which is fine the first two days but then he gets restless and starts to walk about with his hands behind his back. Old ways are hard to quit. 

He makes a habit out of looking into the medbay to say hello to Su Tian and eventually he starts helping out more while also reading and learning more about medication and medical procedures. Maybe he should use the time to relax and save up his strength but what’s the fun in that? He had always liked to study and to learn new things, finding new ways to do something or how to integrate it into something else. 

Su Tian has most of his knowledge in his head but he does have a holobook over the nervous system that he lends Hux. 

He likes the stops better than travelling through hyperspace. When he can see other planets, stars and nebulas. They don’t stay long though; only to deliver cargo and pick some up. The Rodians are hardy creatures and work fast. Sometimes they hurt their fingers or hands. One of them almost crushed his foot but Tian took care of it while Hux peered over his shoulder. 

It’s fascinating, in a disgusting kind of way. 

The only close call he has is on Denon where they have to land instead of having shuttles sent up. Denon is an ecumenopolis, second only to Coruscant. The city covered the whole surface of the planet and the air was breathable for most species. 

Hux leaves the ship to wander the streets, already forgetting much of the worry he had before even if the billboards around him are filled with huge, glossy posters urging people to join the First Order. Thinking back on it he knows it to be a mistake but he had been on that ship for so long. BB-Hate is on his trail and actually gives him a warning, only Hux doesn’t know where to turn in time. 

“General?”

He doesn’t freeze up, keeps walking like he knows they don’t mean him but can’t stop thinking about the surprised faces of the men who had recognized him. He can’t remember ever seeing them but then he has met more people during his lifetime than most.

Heavy footsteps close in and he pursed his lips while trying to keep the pace he thought might seem casual. The grip on his arm is almost painful as he’s yanked around to face the bigger man. The stranger has the physical build of an old soldier.

Denon had many new buildings that made the lowest part of it less like the slum on Coruscant but there was still trash blowing around on the ground and the mishmash of people mainly consisted of humans. So not quite me metro like it’s sister-city. 

Peering up into the cold, brown eyes Hux felt a shiver move through his spine, who was this? When had he seen him? And if Hux wasn’t going incognito but was hard of hearing, would this man yank at him as such? 

Well, it would be the last karking thing this man ever did. 

“Mark! Hey, there you are. The ship is about to leave.” Tian showed up with bags of newly acquired medical supplies. He sounded casual but Hux thought he knew him well enough. Tian was trying to help and he felt slightly moved by it. 

The man hesitated but let go of him and he gave the Ming poan his thanks on their way back to the Wanderlust. 

“What was that all about?” He then asked while they were packed away the new supplies and Hux shrugged. 

“He thought I was someone else. “

“He called you General...” There is a cautious look on the other man that hasn't been there before like he was slowly starting to recognize Hux and trying to hide the sheer horror that came with that realisation.

“He was mistaken.“ How long had Tian been watching him?

“Either way, I don’t think you should help out here any more…” 

Hux feels his hands shake while placing the box with bandages at the correct shelf. He still has the knife strapped to his arm but would hate to use it on the medic.

“I see… are you going to t—“

“Say anything to the others? No. Just don’t come here again.”

The BB-unit has been quiet since the planet, now he whistled a question but Hux shook his head. They were not killing the medic. 

He leaves without saying anything though, closing the door to his small room and kicks off his boots before climbing into bed to have a drink. It doesn’t disturb him as much as it pleases him, the readiness to take a life if he had to. These people weren’t his friends, they were just people he had to travel with in the lack of better options.

So why did he take that other drink?

Why did it hurt to be rejected by some nobody? 

He stayed near his room for the remainder of the journey, sometimes spotting Tian in the mess hall where the other would sit as far away as the table would allow him. 

_ He’s an idiot. Look at him. Who even wears red with yellow? _

Phasma's voice is a welcomed one though it makes him question his sanity somewhat. 

“Have you gotten tired of your medicine man already?” It’s the Zeltron woman, he hadn’t even felt her sitting down next to him and now she’s smirking at him while twirling some of her hair around his fingers. “Or did he get tired of you?”

“Not everything is about sex.” He wants to roll his eyes at her but pokes around in his food instead, some kind of purple porridge. 

“Is that what you think all Zeltrons is about? Although such things are indeed fun, we can do a lot more.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Why was she even talking to him? Did it look like he was in a chatty mood?

“Maybe I’m offended? But then again, maybe I just want to be your friend? And as my friend it’s good you know what I’m capable of, don’t you agree?”

He pinched his brows together. She was trying to tell him something but he was too obtuse and scattered to figure it out and remained quiet even after she had reached for another portion and placed it in his bowl. “You need to eat more, you’re way too skinny. It isn’t healthy, you know?”

_ How is that any of her business? _

“My name is Yina Tislas, remember it.”

**

It didn’t come as a surprise that they made a longer stop at Mon Gazza, the old mining planet that now functioned as a shadow port where spice was easier to come by than actual food. The captain was probably running low on her pixie-dust already.

It was an ugly place - dusty and red, with mountains and rows and rows of abandoned houses. The windows covered up or smashed. A lot of homes even had some old furniture left behind when Hux peered in. He had managed to get his hands on some foul auto igniters and was smoking while walking towards one of the old mines. Pod racing was the other thing the planet was known for and he had been curious since the Rodian Captain had told him about it.

“How could you have missed it?! It’s the greatest thing! The smell, the action, the deaths! You have to watch one of them. Tell you what, I’ll meet you at the Garras Mine after I’m done with my errands, how about that?”

Looking at his watch she should be done right about now unless she had run into some kind of trouble. Not that it was any of his business.

He was almost at the mine when he spotted Tislas exiting one of the old houses. She stopped when she saw him, smiled and raised a finger to her lips before hurrying off and he waited to see who else would emerge. Surely she had only been in there to meet someone?

Noone came and he tossed the cigarette on the ground, stepped on it and waved the last smoke from his lips before walking closer. It was a big house but due to the dust and the debris on the floor, it was easy to see the footprints going towards the cellar. He peered over his shoulder to see if he was followed then sighed. What the kriff was he doing? A- She didn’t work for him. B- He wasn’t even a General anymore. And C- It wasn’t any of his business either.

He howled in surprise and pain as BB-Hate suddenly shocked him, resulting in Hux kicking the droid as hard as he could. “You karking—! What do you think you’re doing?! — I wasn’t not planning on going down there, are you damaged somewhere?! Stars! You do someone a favour… Fine. I said fine! — I guess we’re going back to the ship then. — Of course I’m angry, you’re a big pain in my arse. — Well, you shouldn’t have shocked me.”

_ ** _

“Let him roam a while, enjoy some freedom and then rope him back in. Just because you allow your pet to have a long leash doesn’t mean you don’t own it.” Yawned Ushar. She was getting tired of the discussion.

Ren winced at the word. He didn’t see Hux as a pet, but he didn’t see him as an equal either, now did he? 

“A year, Ap’lek thinks he’s going to Christophsis since the trade route has stopped going to Arkanis. It’s the next planet, Ren, of course he’s going home. It’s almost painfully obvious.” Vicrul was examining his scythe after the vibrocleaning that had shaken loose the dirt and the blood that always got stuck in the small crevasses he couldn’t fit his fingers. “I mean, what’s a year?”

“Says the man who can’t even go a week without at least two partners.” 

“You stay out of it, Cardo. Go and check with Kuruk how much longer we have to wait.”

They had left the Supremacy in the hand of Pryde, the man seemed so exhausted that he wouldn’t try anything even if he had the chance. It had been fun watching him go from a proud military peacock into a grey-haired yes-sayer. 

Instead, they had brought with them two Mandator IV-class siege Dreadnoughts thought to be too destructive and therefore docked for the last couple of years. Ren hadn’t been surprised at all when he’d seen that an ‘Armitage Hux’ was one of the brains behind its weapons. They were nowhere near the Starkiller cannon, but they could bombard cities from orbit and should have been brought to his attention before the disastrous battle of Krait. They could have bombed it until there was nothing left of it.

Now they were used to destroy the city of Druledo, the capital of the planet Yosa. The planet had a supercontinent and some small, shallow seas. There didn't seem to be any mountains, instead there were enormous trees that the people seemed to worship as well as use for housing. The leaders had always supported the First Order in the past and diplomats had because of that been sent there only to come back empty-handed and while the bureaucrats and the politicians onboard the Supremacy thought they should give them more time, Kylo was having none of it. 

The Night Buzzard was placed so that it could swoop in when the barrage was done together with two smaller groups of stormtroopers. The time for negotiations and silk mittens was over. Now they came to kill and destroy. 

**

Su Tian was missing. They had waited for him for over two hours before taking off. They could always get him on the way back, but he hadn't done anything like this before. He was always telling people where he went and when he was expecting to come back, at least that was what the chef said as he placed the plates on the table.

“He’s a grown man, Rhys. Maybe he made a bet at the pod racing only to find out he couldn't pay up?”

“Was he even into pod racing?”

“Who isn’t into pod racing?”

The conversation quickly went from the missing ships medic to famous racers. Vlathlezu was the ship expert but Rhys wasn’t far behind. His father had been a pod racer on Naboo. 

Hux didn’t have to look at the smiling Zeltron to know it was her. She had done something to Tian in that house, possibly even killed him. The only question was why.

**

“The Captain said you were getting off at Christophsis. Have you been there before?”

Hux continued to read as he tried to ignore her but she sat down next to him anyway.

“It’s an odd place, and they don’t take kindly to outsiders. You need to have a plan if you’re going there. Maybe even a ship waiting at the starport so you can just jump from this one to the next and take off.” She said in a strangely carefree way, always smiling.

“What is it you want from me, Tislas?” He finally asked while putting his pad down. He was tired of waiting for her to make her next move. 

Yina sighed as her smile vanished and her cold, orange eyes fixed on him. 

“What if I just want to help a fellow defector? I have contacts on Christophsis that can take you anywhere you want to go.”

“And what is it you want in return?”

“What does anyone want, ‘Hacks’ ? I want enough credits to start over someplace else.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been playing Red Dead Redemption 2 almost 24/7. It really isn't good for my health nor my creativity. Don't buy it :V


	14. Coming undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux is trying to piece himself back together, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so very darn much for sticking to this and for all the feedback. I'm really surprised and really kriffing grateful! (/ε＼*) (Hiding behind emojis every time I'm blushing)

It was spring in Arkanis on the verge of summer when he landed. The air was so full of scents that he first had had to stop and carefully breathe, just to see if he could. 

The smells of a ship are different, the oxygen always filtered and stale. Here it was like having his lungs assaulted and when he relaxed he also felt the exhaustion in him. 

Better to never stop - only plough on, he thought, that way one never got tired. In theory.

The spaceport was one of the few places that looked like a rusty junkyard, with piles of old scraps laying around and being sorted through by pit droids on the lookout for ship parts. 

The sky above him was in hues of blue, thin clouds like white taffeta being chased away by dark, solid ones. The rain was coming and unless he wanted to hike his way to the house he had to find someone willing to drive him there.

He felt a rush of newly found energy when he saw the sign outside of Jasko’s. Seemed it was still open and he started towards it. BB-Hate was rolling behind him, looking around and whistling threats to the other droids. Always a pain, that one.

He even saw Jasko inside. The now old and grey man was sitting at one of the tables overlooking the match on the holo screen. A young woman was taking the orders instead, filling the empty platters with pies and cakes. When Hux had been young it had only been caf and nothing else, it was only natural it tried to expand. Yet it was a change and he didn’t like it but he walked in anyhow, pretended to peer at the menus when he was looking at Jasko.

The old man hadn't aged very well but he still had all his hair. It was even in the same hairstyle that he used to wear and Hux weren't sure if he found it charming or just pathetic.

“Do I know you?” The old man turned from the game to him and Hux shook his head.

“No, my apologies for staring. I was lost in thought.” A half-lie. He liked those.

“Ok then.” Jasko went back to the game and the red-head turned towards the smiling woman.

“Nevermind granddad, he’s always such a grump. Now, what can I get you?”

“Caf, black. And do you know anyone who’d be willing to drive me? I notice that the rain is coming.”

“Yes, it usually rains a couple of times a week, better get used to it and welcome to Arkanis. About the drive, you can ask my father? He’s in the garage on the back.” She started with grounding the roasted caf-beans after giving another exit a thumb.

“Right, I’ll be right back then.” 

The garage looked like all other places that sold used ship parts, smelled the same too. He pondered how they ever found anything amongst the piles of rubbish and if all the wires they kept even useful anymore. They had an expiration date just like everything else.

“Armitage Hux. Now there is a face I never thought I’d see again.

“Magnus…” He looked at the filthy man in the used coverall who wiped his hand on a piece of cloth that didn’t seem to be making much difference as his hands stayed dirty and stained.

Hux remembers Magnus from the academy, the other man was some years older than him but there had been almost a friendship between them.

“You’re Jasko’s son?”

“One of them. Seemed da had a thing for academy girls, I think I have around seven siblings. Now I know why my other dad never really liked me.”

Which was one of the reasons they had started to hang out. Horrible fathers. 

“I'm— I’m not sure whether to congratulate you or give you my condolences.”

“No one does. I'd love to catch up with you someday but I’m guessing there is a reason Mister Bigshot General is here? In civilian clothes nonetheless…”

“I need someone to drive me to the house. And I’d like it if you didn’t tell anyone about who I was?”

“Finally realised the First Order is shite?”

He felt his jaw clenching but smiled and nodded. “Something like that.”

“Let me just get the landspeeder out of her den. Grab some Caf while you wait?” He walked off and BB-Hate whistled.

“No, don’t follow him. Stop being such a paranoid imp. If he does contact anyone then there is nothing we can do about it.” The droid disagreed but Hux only sighed and went to get his hot drink.

He didn’t talk so much as listen when they were in the vehicle. Magnus told him the latest news about the planet and the small town they were in while the ginger looked at the big open expanses of green. There were plants everywhere and as they came closer to the ocean he started to hear the crashing waves.

There was a beach near the house but there were also parts where the trees went all the way down to kiss the water.

The rain started to pour just as they were at the gate that opened after he had given it both his thumbprint and a retina scan. “Do you want to come in? See if it stops?”

Magnus looks up at the huge house before shaking his head. “No thank you. That place has always given me the creeps.”

Hux peered up at it and shrugged. He couldn’t fault Magnus for that. It had never felt like home to him either.

Calling it a house would be wrong as it was more of a big mansion. Three floors spread over 20903 sq. ft, it had belonged to Brendol but now it was his. 

Another big building, it didn’t look like it would be easy defending it either if somehow people did decide to attack and managed to climb the fence. Why did everyone always think bigger was better?

He knew he had the documents for it somewhere inside. It had taken a long time getting all the legal work out of the way and there had been a time when he had given serious thought about selling it but for some inexplicable reason he had always decided against it in the last minute. He used it as a base for the income of his patents. Collecting all the credits on a pile there so he wouldn’t be tempted to use them for some brandy induced idea like buying his star destroyer.

The outside walls were a pale grey stone, the roof in a much darker shade that blended in almost perfectly with the stormy clouds above. 

Magnus sped off and Hux stepped under the cover above the entry. When he had been younger he'd thought the house was shaped like a lobster missing its tail. The main part of the house was its body and its claws were the two diagonal wings. It was built to impress and so it wasn’t much of a home with its twelve bedrooms and bathrooms, a library, a game room and all the other places he had never been allowed to go.

Luckily the front door only needed a retina scan, his thumb was probably too cold to be of any use to him anyway and as he opened the door he was met by a DDM 38-droid in black. DeeDee. He hadn't thought her still operational. 

“Young Master Hux?” The droid peers at him before doing a sudden movement of joy

“It is you! How jolly! I have been awaiting your return. I was sure you would return home after your years at the academy. I have even maintained the house in tip-top shape. The young master! Such a celebratory occasion!” She stops for a moment when the smaller BB-unit whistles at her. “How rude! Really, young master, who is this?!”

“He is soon strapped to an anchor and tossed into the sea if he doesn’t learn how to behave!” Hux muttered while dumping his bag on the floor. It contained a few spares of filthy clothing and hygiene products he had used. The brandy was gone and he hadn’t liked any of the holorecords anyway.

BB-hate does an uh-oh sound before he rolls away and Hux can’t help but take one of DeeDee's hands to check her function. “You need some oil I think.” as they don’t close and open as smoothly as they should. “How are the rest of you?”

“Really!? Is this something to ask a lady?!”

He snorts and lets go of her, instead of peering up at the foyer that leads into the main areas of the house. They are standing in a long gallery now that ends at the garages in the left wing and the office space and billiard room to the right. 

DeeDee was a DDM-38 model. She was similar to a protocol droid but clad in matte-black and programmed with a sort of elderly female personality. She had taken care of the students living full time at the academy before Brendol had decided the school needed a newer model and DeeDee had been transferred to Hux manor to instead become a housekeeper, cook and nurse. 

“Will you be wanting your old room or should I prepare the master for you?”

“My room will be fine for now. Is there anything to eat? I’m starving.”

“I will have to order groceries, they will be here tomorrow. But I’ll see what I can cook up, where would you like it served?”

“I can eat in the kitchen like I used to.”

Brendol had favoured the sunroom or the grand room. His office could do if he was too busy, either way, he never ate with Hux. As a boy, he had mostly stayed in his room next to the closet with the panic room where Brendol had locked him in a few times. 

There were murals on a lot of the walls, others were made of natural materials that could be found on the planet, rocks and wood, sanded and painted until it looked like something else, so very different from what he was used to on the Finalizer.

There are white cloth hanging from everything like ghosts in a holobook for children, just to keep dust from settling on the old furniture. 

Hux almost wants to tear through the house and rip it all off in a sort of juvenile act of defiance. 

He doesn’t remember much of it as he had never been allowed to roam its halls, leave any traces that he’s been there. As soon as he was old enough; Brendol had him shipped off to some remote school and after that it was the academy. His father had insisted he’d stay there even though it was just a few klicks away from the house. 

It had never been home. Now it was all he had. 

“Your mother was here, looking for you,” DeeDee says when he saunters into the kitchen and sits on one of the high chairs.

“Here? When?”

“After that tantamount speech on the holoscreen, the one you held before those planets were erased.” She answers, no judgement, just a fact like everything else. “And there were protesters at the gate for a few days. “

It makes him laugh even though it shouldn’t. The thought of people protesting outside an empty house. Idiots. But his thought circles back to the mother. “Did she say what she wanted?”

“I believe she was getting married.”

“Good for her.”

“My thoughts exactly, she looked like she could use some happiness in her life.” The droid says, not picking up on his sarcasm, and she continues making something out of the frozen things she had managed to find in the freezer.

“What if it’s a bad match?” He teases and watches her jerk.

“Oh dear! Let’s hope not!”

While he’s eating, DeeDee starts to order home food, the BB-unit has been exploring much of the house but eventually trails back and looks at Hux like it’s waiting for something. 

“Can you order brandy?”

“Have you looked in the wine cellar?”

“There’s a wine cellar?” The halls lit up as he entered them and the stairs down to the cellar were exactly where he had last seen them. He went to his old room at first and peered in. It had never looked like a child's’ room and it contained only the essentials like a bed, a desk with a chair and a wardrobe.

It was dust free and clean, DeeDee had been truthful about keeping the house in good shape. He could see the outside from the small window placed high up on the wall, just under the ceiling. The rain was still pouring down and it would probably continue through the night. 

He had only ever used the same way to go up and down from the house to his bedroom, now daring to continue further he stepped into an honest to the stars, a theatre, complete with cushioned seats and a stage. Who was this person who’d lived here? Brendol had never shown any interest in the arts. Was this just a feature that came with the house? Built by those who had the house before his father had gotten his gnarly hands on to it?

From the sides of the stages, one could reach a patio area outside where doors led to small dressing rooms for the actors. He felt stunned when he walked around, opening doors and looking at places he’s never been before and chances were very high that he would get lost.

Next was a big family area complete with a game room and a snack bar connecting it to the theatre, opposite of that he finally found the wine cellar with rows upon rows with bottles of whiskey, brandy, wine and some things he didn’t understand the label on but surely was alcohol as well. He could drink himself to death here, or just enough to walk out into the ocean and disappear. 

He wanted it to be a gloomy thought but it wasn’t. It was comforting, like giving the pill of death to a man in excruciating pain. Because he was, he realized. The house had only confirmed what he already knew. 

He hated a life outside of the First Order. 

But he could end that life here.

He grabbed one of the wine bottles and uncorked it while exploring the rest of the main basement. He hadn't even gone into the wings of the house yet. There was a pool in the left one and huge rooms just used for the storage of papers, books and old, broken furniture. The right one had more storage and a safe. There was also a spiral staircase here leading up to an office with its social area where Brendol no doubt had entertained the other old farts that taught at the academy. There was also the billiard room. 

There was more to see, he hadn't even been inside the master bedroom yet or the second floor but it was too big. The Finalizer had been a grand ship but there had been people and movement everywhere, here he was utterly alone. He had chosen this, he could have gone anywhere but he had gone here where he only had bad memories and too much karking space!

The sunroom was dark but he went there anyway and curled up on one of the big armchairs. The bottle was empty and he placed it next to him, silently wishing he had brought another with him and why wasn’t he hearing Phasma anymore? She had disappeared somewhere before Christopsis and now he had no one. 

He almost jumped out of his skin when BB-Hate whistled and he sighed.

“It’s late, I’m tired, why don't you go and ask DeeDee? I’m sure she doesn’t mind sharing a power outlet with you until I can make you your own. ― What?! Oh, kark off you little imp! This is my house! If I want to mope around drunk then karking will!”

The droid rolled off after a judgemental look that only made Hux feel even worse about the situation. He should go to bed, things would be better in the morning. 

“Young Master Hux?”

“Why do you call me that DeeDee? Brendol is dead and I would not mind if you skipped the title entirely.”

“Very well, master Hux.”

He does an exasperated gesture. 

“Would you like me to draw you a bath? I still stock the soap you loved as a child.”

A real bath, how long had that been? 

They use the one closest to his old room and he marvels over how small everything is now compared to what it used to. The yellow soap smells of Gorse flowers, an almost narcotic-buttery scent that always manages to calm him down and he soaks there until the water is almost cold before drying off and going to bed. 

**

Enric Pryde is sitting at the big desk he had always wanted onboard the Supremacy but if Hux would walk in and ask for it back then he would gladly give it all back. 

His datapad was filling up with rapport, all of them blinking if he let them stay unread for too long and it was quite the list now yet he couldn’t bring himself to read anymore. 

Kylo Ren was a menace, a terrifying monster who did what he wanted when he wanted it and together with his knights he spread terror wherever they went. 

They had started with the officers, killing those who opposed him and those who had, in his word, turned against him. Then they had attacked former allies, cities and planets. Retaking what they had lost in the catastrophe that had been the battle in Crait. 

It was a publicity meltdown in Hutt-scale and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He couldn’t handle the Supreme leader as Kylo wasn’t fit for civilised society. He was a fiend. 

**

Hux stayed in his boy room, he had seen the master and yes it was much more comfortable and handsomely made up but the smell of Brendon had met him at the door and he had stopped. 

“I can wash it again, throw out att the linen and change the decor?” DeeDee suggested but he had shaken his head. 

“No, no I just don’t want it.”

“What can I do to cheer you up? Should I cook you something nice? Are you having girl-problems?”

”Girl problems!?” Who had even taught her about that? What in the stars had Brendol talked to her about? “ You’re a weird girl, DeeDee. Are you having boy-problems?” 

“Yes.”

He had meant to tease her but with that reply he suddenly felt sober. 

“Pardon?...”

“The BB-unit keeps complimenting my sensors and my way of moving about the house.“

He had covered his mouth to hide his chuckle. He was drunk, right? Imagining a budding romance between his droids. Or the unwelcome attention from one of them towards the other. 

It had been pouring down for three days and Hux had been drunk most of the part. It was starting to become a bad habit, yet he always longed for those times where time seemed to stop as well as his thought; a halcyon state of mind.

He woke up on the beach below the house one day by being electrocuted by BB-Hate who wanted to see if he was still alive.

“Yes! Yes, damn you! Stop it! You sadistic little―!” The droid suddenly rolled off and he could see feet coming into view.

“DeeDee said you were down here. A bit early to be pissed, isn't it?” Magnus crouched down and grinned before peering out at the water. 

“Or late?” Hux moves to sit up, brushing sand from his leg. “I haven’t started on today yet. What time is it?”

“Wow, who knew you were this fun at the academy? It's almost dinnertime, DeeDee asked me to stay for a bite. I hope it’s alright with you?”

Dinner with a person and not in the company of two droids? Sounds fantastic and he nods before reaching a hand out so that Magnus can help him on his feet.

The old pilot hadn't changed that much, now that he got to take a look at him in the open and not in the dim light of his workshop. His hair was lighter and his skin darker which meant he saw a lot more sun than they had used to. Maybe he went off-planet from time to time? He didn’t feel like a man who had stayed his whole life on the same planet but what did Hux know? He still had the scar on his chin from when the ginger had shucked a datapad at him. 

He had been Hux’s first real crush and his first heartbreak. ‘He just didn’t like men that way’ he had said when Hux had tried to kiss him and it had burned its way into the red-head who’d been alight with shame. Not because of his feelings, it was rather the feeling of rejection. At that time he just couldn’t understand how Magnus could like him but not  _ like _ him. 

The food was excellent and after praising DeeDee to the point where BB-Hate had shocked Magnus they retired into the game room in the basement. The stone floor was covered by thick rugs, the furniture in actual wood and polished until it gleamed, it was a luxurious place just like the rest of the house, only a bit cosier not that all the white sheets had been taken off.

“This is sick! Why did you never tell me of this? I always envisioned your house to be out of a horror holonovel.”

“For me it was and I didn’t know about these parts of the house as I wasn’t allowed to move around. It must have been someone else guilty of the decorating though.”

“Probably. So old Mr Hux didn’t use this himself?”

“No, he was always on the main level where his office and bedroom was.”

“Do you use the bedroom now? Being a master of the house and all?” Magnus smirked and Hux shifted in his armchair. Why did Magnus ask about his bedroom? “No. No, I'm sleeping down here. I can show you the master bedroom if you want to see it? I think there are twelve bedrooms or something.”

“You’re kriffing me?!”

“I haven’t been on the third floor yet. Want to explore it with me?” Stars, he sounds desperate, doesn’t he? But Magnus nods and they walk upstairs. He ventures further into Brendol’s old bedroom than Hux dared too, even sitting down on the bed to check the bounce, making the ginger look away as his earlobes turned pink.

There were nine bedrooms on the second level. Two of them belonged in suits in the left wing of the house, together with living rooms and kitchenettes. He even found a small elevator, a study and another small office and a sunroom.

“I should donate this house to the academy, have the people there live here instead.”

“Haven’t you heard? There is no academy.”

“Pardon?” Which means Arkanis wasn’t…

“Yeah, your old pals have no claim on the planet any more.” Magnus climbed a spiral staircase leading upwards and Hux stayed behind. No claim could be both good and bad. Good in that sense that chances were small that a group of troopers would come a-knocking. Bad in that sense that they wouldn’t which meant that the resistance most likely could show up. 

“Hey! It’s a big open space up here.”

“Oh?”

“Like a whole bonus room!” He climbed down, brushing some dust from his hands. Hux was glad to see there were limits to DeeDee’s need to clean. “So do you have any of that alcohol? We could go back to the beach, maybe start a fire?”

He nodded and they went downstairs again, Magnus relaxed and joking about the space and how it could be used for pod-racing and Hux a lot tenser.

Had it been someone else than Magnus then he would have said the man was coming onto him, but he still remembered the rejection he got the last time and even if it was more than ten years ago he didn’t want to relive it. 

They started that bonfire, collecting wood from the beach and throwing it on the burning heap and sat until it got dark with the empty bottles piling up next to them. 

“How about the years first?!”

Stars! “Years first what?”

“Swim, we’re at the beach after all.”

“Yes but you can hardly bathe in that ocean during the summers. It’s kriffing cold.”

“Kriffing cold.” Magnus mimicked while also sounding like a complete whiny bastard. He was on his feet, pulling his shirt off over his head.

“Nice. So good to see you’re all mature…” Hux looked down on his feet instead - but saw when the other kicked off his shoes, pants and underthings to run across the sand down to the waves. Hux managed to see his white backside before he dived in only to come up laughing.

“Come on, Hux! Don’t be such a wuss!” He had the same tattoo on his left as Hux had and it felt good seeing it, but to bathe?

“I don’t have anything to wear!” Which was probably the galaxy’s oldest and most used excuse? 

“I repeat: Don’t be such a wuss! I’ve seen you naked before.” 

Which did not make the ginger feel any better and he wrinkled his nose as he sighed. Cold, wet and dirty. Not what he wanted to be but with the right mix of wines came a new sort of courage, or was that lack of judgement? 

Either way got him naked and he tried hard not to fold in on himself or to cover his cock like a child while he walked down to the water.

“Dive in, Hux. If you just walk in it will be awful. Come on, General Hux”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Why not? You were a General in the First Order were you not?”

He wants to turn around and walk back to the fire but jumped in so he wouldn't have to reply. Will this be another incident like the one on the Wanderlust? 

The water is cold, too cold but he stays under the waves anyway, peering upwards until his lungs start to burn and he’s grabbed and pulled up by Magnus.

“The kriff are you doing!? I thought maybe you had drowned!”

“And it took you that long to look for me? I’m touched.” The water that is dripping down on his shoulders almost feels like tiny balls of ice and he walks up to the fire, a lot more clear-headed now than before. Speaking of balls though, he pulls on his underthings first and figured he should allow himself to dry before putting on the rest. Magnus sits like he has no shame, ankles crossed and leaning back on his hands. 

“How did it feel to mu--”

“I don’t wish to discuss it, Magnus. Not with you. Is this going to be a problem?” He realizes he sounds like a General and is happy he doesn’t have any clothes on to straighten.

“Nah. We’re good.” 

They don’t pass out on the beach, at least Hux doesn’t. Magnus is lightweight compared to him which just goes to show how much of a drinker he had become. 


	15. Evil eye on me

Rock bottom hits him after waking up in his vomit. His body feels weak and it hurts everywhere and while trying to stand up he notices his knuckles being scraped raw and bloody. He’s not even sure where he is but it is the house at least. 

It makes him think of the last time he’d been sick, the cold floor in Ren's room. Why had he started sleeping in his own room when he could have stayed there? So what if they didn’t have sex, the kissing and the cuddling had been magical. He had felt so safe and taken care of and he missed it. His life in the First Order, the uncluttered spaces and the style of it all. 

“Cough, cough.” 

He peered up at DeeDee who stood close to the door and he snorted. 

“Are you trying to disturb me politely?”

“I can’t clear my throat.” She says it like it was news to them both. 

“I know that. What do you want?”

“Question is what you want, young master Hux. Why is it you drink like this?”

He shrugs and is about to run his hand through his hair but find it covered with sick.   
“To drown, I guess…” 

“Let me help you out of those clothes and into a refresher.” She’s not created or even suited for work like it but helps him the best that she can into the nearest one where he slumps to the floor under the warm spray and she goes to get soap. 

He’s exhausted without doing anything. Rubbing his face, he wants to go home, only this is his home now. It's interesting that whenever he thinks of a home in general he sees Ren. What does that say about him?

  
**

A summer in Arkanis doesn’t make it rain less but at least the showers are shorter. Hux allows the beard and the hair to grow however it wants to which makes him look like a crazy person, according to DeeDee, but he kind of feels like one so it seems appropriate. 

He’s sitting on the deck overlooking the ocean with a sketchbook next to him and a real pen because DeeDee is away buying groceries and she’s trying to keep him occupied and away from the drink. Or ‘he can build that power station he had promised BB-Hate’ but never gotten around to, or even ‘take a leisurely drive in the land speeder’.

The sun is blinding and the waves are too loud as they crash against the shore, leaving foam and dead algae. Birds are shouting as if to annoy him and he pulls the white blanket over his head and groans. He doesn’t sit for very long but he does take the sketchbook and the pen with him while going inside again to sit in the kitchen.

At first it’s a rough sketch of the Finalizer before adding on the cannons he wanted to install and the third flight deck, all that space wasn’t needed anyway, he could make the rooms smaller, have lesser ground troops and-- and what?

He crumples the paper and throws it away before trying something else, perhaps something less military? What did he have that wasn’t military? BB-Hate reminded him of it every day so he got up and poured himself a glass of brandy before sitting down again, rubbing his chin. It’s not supposed to be this hard to just draw something!

After the third glass, he at least started making some lines on the white paper, making it slightly less intimidating. It was the hand of a DDM-38, moving some of the delicate parts and adding strengthening pieces he could make it tougher and more flexible, at least in theory. Robotics wasn’t something he had studied but he found himself so engrossed in the process that he didn’t hear DeeDee when she came in. 

The next day he joins her to the nearest city. He’s still in Coruscant fashion and looking around he figures he might as well stay in those.   
The style here is eclectic, to say the least, which much yellows and greens in garish patterns.   
He doesn’t remember this from his time here but he had spent most of his time in the academy where a uniform had been a must.   
He misses the jodhpurs and the military tunics but is getting more and more used to the black tight-fitting leather, it was a sharp elegance to the lines that at least seemed to have been influenced by the First Order. 

He’s buying holobooks on anatomy and robotics while also looking into some new recipes for DeeDee. He wasn’t complaining, but he could use some variety. 

When it suddenly starts raining and everyone scatters, he panics before realising it’s only rain and not an assault which seems to be what his senses were dreading. He waits it out at a cafshop, eating some dry pastries while looking at the people outside. The BB-unit has been forced to stay home as he was too inconspicuous at the time. 

While driving back home to the house he’s itching for a drink. There was something he had been thinking about but it was gone now, maybe it would come again with a glass or two? 

He’s heading down a dangerous path and he knows it. 

**

Kylo Ren is volatile and hostile, Vicrul and the other knights had hoped he would become clear-headed after letting the steam out in bloody confrontations on various planets and fights against rebels, but he only seemed to be getting worse. 

They needed to rebuild if they were serious about the First Order but all Kylo seemed to manage at the moment was to tear it apart. 

They still hadn’t found the girl they pinned Snoke's murder on but used her as an excuse to invade town and cities while trying to figure out what to do next. Ap’lek was drawing up plans and reading about politics in the Rim - things she never thought she’d be forced to do after she had joined the knights but someone had to.

“You never did tell me what they do with the blue milk-pudding.” Vicrul was sitting next to her, pretending to be interested when all he wanted was to soak up the calmness of her pheromones. 

“I don’t want to re-live it. I think we should put Rodians on that No-nautolan-list of yours. Same with Ming poans. Horny bastards.”

“So you did kill the medic? I thought you said you didn’t?”

She sighed and leaned back. Her cheeks had ached for a week after all that smiling. “Look. I think it’s time we start to think about bringing Hux back. Clearly, Ren isn’t functioning without him. Not in that sense we want him to. We have gotten this far and everything has gone as planned.” She makes a face at that. “More or less, at least. We need to follow through. “

“What do you want me to do?”

“Try to keep him in check until we can go get him. Find a planet and smash it, set something on fire. Whatever you boys like to do.”

**

Hux had first thought about altering DeeDee but then decided against it. Better she asked him than he offered since it would most likely lead to some inner conflict in the DDM-model.   
Instead, he scoured the market for something similar while also spending his time programming a personality for the future droid, naturally, Phasma had come to mind and he had spent hours adjusting and giving careful directions to make it as similar to her as possible in both thoughts and reactions.

When he got his hands on a voice synthesiser he connected her to a small central, to see how she would react to things in her environment.   
One of the big storage rooms had been transformed into a workshop and he spent most of his time there, tinkering and creating while speaking to the bodyless voice of his old friend. 

Hux smirked when she had thoughts about a drive train, bipedal walking, a two-peaked pattern of force, who wanted wheels or the pendulum driven system like the BB-Hate anyway? It did look ridiculous on anything larger than the BB-unit. 

He had thoughts about using conductive fluids to make her feel, an update on a gyroscope for smoother mobility. It all depends on what he can find. 

Weeks later and a wall with drawings later he got his hands on an old and dented security droid. Getting it home was going to be a menace but he got Magnus to fetch it and take it to the house. They got it into the workshop and ate dinner together. 

It wasn’t like being happy but he was slowly getting there. 

**

The leaves had changed colour to beautiful yellow, red and orange. The days were colder and were getting shorter every day. The ocean looked different, less inviting and harsher but when it wasn’t raining he liked walking along the beach as the wind tugged on his hair and the muffler around his neck.   
BB-Hate was usually with him, whistling nonsense. He was becoming quite peculiar as his personality was taking shape. He was still rather malevolent and liked to talk about death and torture but Hux couldn’t say he minded and he was shamelessly encouraging him by teaching him melancholy poems. 

DeeDee doesn’t like it, says it's making the BB-unit more morbid by the day. 

“What rhymes with crust?” He peers down at the black ball as they are walking back. “I’d say rust.” 

But the BB-Hate comes up with something entirely different and the ginger shakes his head. “You’re no poet yet. Though, I like the start of it. — no, no I don’t think DeeDee would enjoy being compared to cruddy mustangs, what even is that? — you can’t make up random words that sound nice.” Or maybe he could? The idea of a creative droid is an odd one but he likes it and doesn’t wish the evil imp to stop making up his own even if it wasn’t very good.

Later at dinner, which is always a strange affair since the two droids like to stand and watch him, DeeDee makes small talk which usually means she wants something and he waits until he’s done before he leans back in the chair. 

“What?”

“Magnus asked if maybe you could come visit him tomorrow. At his garage. “

“And…?”

“I thought that maybe you could shave?” 

“Shave to go see Magnus?” He feels his eyes tighten as he looks at her. Was she trying to insinuate something?

“Well, yes. I bought you some nice shaving-things.”

Was this his life now? Half a life on a planet that was living it’s post glory days in a big, empty house with a poet aspiring BB-unit who was a bit too fond of a droid three times his size who in turn wanted him to go out and court the local riffraff? 

How the mighty just kept on falling. 

Suppose he could shave though, for his own sake. So that maybe he would recognise himself again?

**

They were sitting inside of Jasko’s. The girl was away and Jasko himself was behaving oddly before ‘falling asleep’. Hux suggested they go outside since it wasn’t raining at least. He had shaved and pulled his hair up in a bun but that had been it. He was not going to read more into it before something made it abundantly clear. 

“What about credits?” Magnus asked after Hux had been busy talking about his progress on Phasma and the ginger frowned a bit before he grinned. 

“I have all the credits I need and then some. I’ll make her work and she’ll be a droid like none other.”

“Then give me some?”

He felt confused and frowned again. What were they talking about here? “Like a loan? Sure, how much do you need?” He tried smiling although the air suddenly felt tense. 

“Like a gift. I want money.” 

Hux's smile slowly died down, Magnus had a seriousness to his eyes that he’d never seen before. A sharp hardness, like a stranger was watching him out of those usually kind eyes. 

“How much money are we talking about here? Are you in trouble?”

“Five Hundred thousand credits.”

“Five! Five hundred— five hundred thousand credits are you mad, Magnus!?” He had been shouting at first but now lowered his voice not to disturb Jasko inside. 

“You’re telling me you’re not good for it, General?”

General? Slowly but surely it was starting to fall into place. “I’m telling you that I’m not giving you karking five hundred thousand credits!” 

“I see…” Magnus glanced towards the caf house as if to see if they were being watched. 

“You see what?!” 

“Tell you what. I’ll give you a week to come up with the credits.” 

“Or else?”

Magnus only shrugged and Hux felt over the knife strapped to his arm.   
Has this been Magnus' plan all along? Surely not? The helping and the… maybe it hadn't been flirting? 

It was clear to him that Magnus had deliberately asked him to meet him at a public place because he had been planning to at least ask him. Maybe only threaten if he turned him down?

He wished he was Ren at that moment so that he could crush his windpipe and fling him across the spaceport!

“I thought we were…”

“What? Friends? We are. I just need you to pay me first.”

”As I'm sure you can understand, I don’t carry that amount of credits on me—“

“A week, General.” 

“Yes.” He climbed into his landspeeder and could see Jasko straining his neck to look out at them. So he was in on it too? Why did that feel worse? Maybe because he had spent so much time there during his time in the academy? 

He felt peeved, more cheated than angry and he stayed in the speeder even after parking at the house. What the kriff was he going to do now? And what would happen if he refused him the credits? He poured himself a glass when he finally walked in, ignored BB-Hate that came rolling as soon as he heard the door. 

He could kill them, Magnus and Jasko, maybe even the girl. But then what? He would have to leave the planet fast or he could travel far away, settle somewhere in the wilderness. And then what? He wasn't a countryman, he was hardly a city man. He missed space, living amongst the trees in a hut or whatever was even further away from that. Maybe it was time to— 

To what?

To contact Ren? 

Why would he care?   
He could hear DeeDee dusting in the sunroom and grabbed the brandy bottle. 

“I’m downstairs if you need me.”

“How did it go with Magnus?”

He sighed. Should he make something up? “He wants five-hundred thousand credits.”

“What!? What ever for?!”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s planning on buying a large ship?” This was a stupid discussion, why was he even having it? 

She kept asking but he went downstairs to work on what he had started to call PD-01, not very creative but then it didn’t have to be. 

“Sir, do you believe I’m ready to expand into the rest of the house? I want to see the outside through the camcorders.”

“Yeah, I don’t see why not. Everything else has gone to shit today.”

“If it bothers you then leave it — Sir.”

Did he detect a bit of snark in there? 

Smirking he picked up the pad to make the necessary adjustments to let her out, forgetting Magnus and his ludicrous demand and diving headfirst into rebuilding the security droid. 

**

Hux is in the kitchen with BB-Hate, eating, when Phasma startles him. She talks from time to time, either with him or the two others. But usually she’s quiet, eying his collections of holobooks. 

DeeDee is cleaning upstairs, even if he’s told her probably fifteen times that she shouldn’t care about the second floor. 

“Sir? There are intruders inside the fence.”

“Sorry!? What do they look like?” He crouches down but tries peering out the nearest window, spotting nothing. 

“Angry, Sir.” 

Yes. Of course, that’s what he wanted to know…. 

But wait a second…

”You can see their faces?”

“Clearly, Sir.”

“Then they’re not storm troopers?” 

“No, Sir.” 

Not troopers but still braving the fence just to get to him? Or were they robbers, thinking the house was an easy target?

“Sir, if I may make a suggestion?”

“You may.”

“You should probably lock yourself into the panic room. They are heavily armed and seem determined enough to ignore my warnings.” 

Hux doesn’t wait for a second but sets off in a swift sprint towards the closet in the basement. “DeeDee, hide!”  
He can hear windows breaking behind him but doesn’t stop to check where it comes from. 

He closes the closet door before closing the armoured one behind him. Let them ransack the place while he waits for— what exactly? the guards stationed near the spaceport would be his natural choice but how will he know what side they are on? 

People can’t walk around with heavy weapons without someone giving them the rights to do so. 

The door to the panic room is in durasteel and will withstand almost everything thrown at it. And since the space offered by the closet outside is limited, he doubts they’ll be able to fit anything down there with the power to even dent it. 

What it will boil down to is who has the most patience. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last stretch has begun.


	16. Run, run, run, run, run, run away

The Night Buzzard hovers above ground before the landing gear is down and the engines are switched off to cool. The planet outside is dreary and the rain is pissing down in icy cold drops. They open the hatch only to stay under the ship as they look around at the spaceport that seems void of any living creatures but sports a few more ships than they expected. 

They can see small droids rifling through the scraps and a sign that says Jasco’s in big red letters. They have the biggest ship there, the others are smaller and sleeker but clearly belonging to the rebels, their symbol visible at the side like it’s something to be proud of. 

”Resistance?” Kuruk asks and Vicrul nods before Ushar has a chance to. 

“Think they are here for the General?” 

“Yes. I do.” Vicrul goes back inside the ship and to the cargo hold where they store the old speeder they had wanted to alter but never got the time to. But as he brings it to the others; Ushar has already left. 

“Blast! Does she even know where to go?!”

“I believe she’s asking for directions in there.” Cardo points towards the cafshop and Vicrul curses before running there and yanking the door open. 

An old man is lying dead near the exit with a blaster next to a hand that had been crushed into a bloody lump. His throat was smashed in and the eyes were still open and in an eerie shade of watery green. Desperate and surprised even in death. 

Ushar was gripping a young woman mid-air as a man was on his knees begging for her to show mercy. 

She was tilting his head as if trying to hear something or honing in on a certain frequency but even though her powers had grown they weren’t good enough yet. Someone could be talking to her though. Vicrul swallows at the thought, the last thing they need is Ren checking in on them. 

“Tell me where I can find General Hux and I’ll promise I’ll make it quick.” 

“Dad! Please! Who are these—“

She gurgled as Ushar pressed harder and the man tried getting up on his feet but Vicrul shoved him back down. 

“Hux Manor! It’s just east of the old academy, you can’t miss it. Please?! Just let her go?”

Ushar leered and Vicrul knew he should get ready just as she smashed the girl’s face against the floor before she was yanked up and crushed against the wall and as the man started to howl out in pure agony Vicrul sliced his throat open. 

Magnus gripped the wound as if that would hold the blood in. There was a slurping sound he realised was his own, as the air was leaving him and making bubbles in the blood that soon coated the front or him like one of Molly’s aprons. 

His only hope now was that the rebels were arresting General Hux. Arresting, hurting and executing. 

”Let's move. I think I saw a sign pointing towards an academy outside.”

Ushar cleans her hands on her short coat. People begging always made her more brutal. To earn her respect they had to fight back. 

Kuruk and Cardo were crouching down when they got back out and were shooting speculative fire towards two houses further away, trying to provoke a reaction. 

“I don’t know how many there are! I just saw some and returned fire. ” Kuruk shouted over the roaring sound of the lasers “-Go get the General. I’ll handle this, take Cardo with you.”

The speeder roared to life and they took off towards Hux Manor while the heavy raindrops splattered down and soaked them before they even got halfway there, the sound from the spaceport becoming more distant behind them. 

**

A team of seventeen had been sent out to apprehend General Hux of the First Order, also known as the Planet killer. 

They had got the information that he was in Arkanis from a reliable source, who had worked with them in the past and they wasted no time in getting a team together. 

He was alone, having left the Order for unknown reasons and though many had volunteered to get him; only a few had been chosen. They needed people they could trust. 

More than half of them were humans but they had two Shistavanens with them and Jenni made sure to stay away from those, then there was a Thrandoshan and a Kyuzu, species she had never seen before and would be happy to not see again. 

She huddled closer to the Sallustan who was busy chatting with Rodian and a Duros woman. 

“Listen up! We’ll be splitting into groups. I need some to guard the ships and the port in case we get trouble. A smaller group on the road and the main force at the house. 

We have rough sketches over the layout. We know he sleeps in the basement and he has two, maybe three droids and an unknown number of weapons. We want him alive, preferably.” Jonn turned to the Shistavanens. 

“But it isn’t exactly necessary.“

“Surely we are to make him stand trial? We’re supposed to be the good guys, right?” Jenni frowns and Jonn gives her a condescending look. 

“Of course we are.”

**

They were somewhere between the academy and the Manor when a shot whirled past them and Vicrul sped up. “What the Sith was that?!”

“A pulse rifle. Extreme range, not many shots. Just keep moving!” Cardo shouts back, squinting against the rain. 

“Do we stop?”

“Nope. I call these bolt shells, watch this.” Cardo switched the ammunition before firing the arm cannon. Ushar didn’t hold her breath, bolts weren’t exactly something to whoop over and they tended to be sort of... disappointing?

But instead of the usual slugs that came out of standard bolt-throwers, these exploded. It didn’t matter that he didn’t hit any of the people as the ground tore up beneath them and she could see bodies being thrown high up into the air. The rain ruined whatever fire would have been there but the destructiveness of it was spectacular, an arm even landed with a heavy splash in a puddle close to them as they sped on.

“I need to get me one of those.” Vicrul all but jumped.

“Ladies first!” Ushar insisted.

“And that’s why I'm the smith’s apprentice.”

A flash lit up the sky, followed up by a thunderous crack. They could see the roof of Hux Manor and soon the fence around it where something massive already had broken through.

“What if we’re too late and he’s dead?” She only said what they all must have been thinking yet she could feel anger radiate from Vicrul. 

“He better not be. Trudgen and Ap’lek are managing Ren now but if he finds out that his pet is dead; then we seriously might have to look into ways of locking him in.”

“Like a jail cell?”

Vicrul shrugs, the wet cloth is clinging to him and feels heavy while he moves and waves for them to follow him towards the back of the giant house. It looked easier to get in from there, they could scale the wall close to the pouring rain gutters and smash one of the many windows. 

“Let’s spread out and secure this floor before going down to the next.” He drew his gun once they were inside and Cardo handed them both some of his special clips. “The house is bound to have several stairs but let’s meet up at the main one.”

The second level was empty, ghostly so, with white sheets covering the furniture. Clearly they didn’t use this floor but this was not the time to be careless, Vicrul could almost feel Ap’leks calming influence on him even if she wasn’t there, he had been next to the Zeltron enough times and he felt a strange need to make sure she at least doesn’t scold him when they get back to the Supremacy. 

The storm outside raged on and masked their sounds as well as the enemy. He tried reaching out with the Force but couldn’t pinpoint anything more than a  _ feeling _ that something was waiting for them downstairs.

They meet up again and Cardo nods at a broken droid. It looks like a black protocol droid but he couldn’t be sure, whatever it had been it was smashed up beyond repair. 

**

Something was jamming the feed from the holocams placed around the house. He wasn't really surprised as it was an easy thing to get one’s hand's on or even build. He certainly knew how. 

It was annoying, however, as he couldn’t see if they left or not. An easy presumption would be that they would take the device with them when or if they left. But there was always the odd chance that they didn’t just to keep him pinned down as they went to get reinforcements. 

He’s worried about DeeDee and Phasma; her ghost as he had started to call her. The parts were delicate and he can’t lose her again, he just won’t!

He should have taken the time to gather up the vital parts and bring them with him. Now the only thing he could do was wait as the jammers even kept her bodiless voice out. 

Hux had counted the supplies that were stashed in there; already the first hour. He had calculated how many days he could survive in there before it started getting tough, how he could ration it if he really wanted to stretch it. 

It was a sophisticated room, albeit built for one. He had a refresher with some supplies that Brendol had used to favour so of course he had thrown it in the trash. A bed with a desk with a chair under it and a couch with an offline holoprojector that could only play the records and videos that had been programmed into it beforehand. 

Oh and another closet. 

Last but not least were BB-Hate who had somehow managed to sneak in with him and who had spent hours accusing him of planning to leave him out there. 

“You would have been perfectly safe, I don’t believe for a second that any one of them would want to take you with them. I don’t think we can say the same about my brandy,” 

He should have placed some bottles in there just in case he’d have to hide. 

Even knowing his father he started to look through cabinets and drawers. He felt parched. How long had it been since he last had a drink? 

Sitting down on the couch he agreed with the droid, he did have a problem. 

Somehow he managed to fall asleep and that's when the odd daydream started.

He felt too tired to open his eyes, yet knew he was awake. He could smell lightning, that burnt ozone as a hand was stroking strands of hair out of his face. His pulse slowed a bit and he felt oddly safe but as he woke up with a jolt; he felt embarrassed. 

Of all the things to be fantasising about before he’s captured or worse— 

Praying to the stars was probably a lot more constructive than hoping for comfort from Ren and he holds his breath as he tries to listen for noise.

But there was no sound coming from the outside at all. And he grabbed a meal ration and sat down to see if the holo feed was working only to discover that it was still jammed. 

This was tiresome on a whole new level and certainly made him think. If he came out on top of this then he should move again and be more discreet. He had really been an idiot to believe no one would come for him. He had obliterated planets for kriff sake! 

What the kark was wrong with him? When had he become so senseless?!

Right, ok, think! He couldn’t stay in here for weeks, he needed to get help from someone. Magnus maybe or Tritt? Though the latter was probably on the other side by the galaxy by now. Ren?

He scoffed. Why would Ren care and save him? He might do it if that meant he got to torment Hux some more but was that really worth it? 

“What do you mean ‘you want to play a game’? This is hardly the time. — That’s inappropriate.. — that’s… that’s even worse. What is wrong with you?”

The BB-unit made some angry whistling sounds while he rolled around in a small circle then suddenly it hit the ginger. 

“You can see through the durasteel, can’t you? — don’t call me that! I’ve been without a drink for… I don’t know, hours? It’s no wonder I can’t think. — That was uncalled for. Really.” 

He was torn between his curiosity and ignoring the droid all together. 

“Apologise and I might consider it.“ he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the black piece of junk.

**

Tensions rise when the Knights of Ren suddenly make an entrance. Hux was supposed to be alone so why are they there? Has it been a trap? Were they hoping Rey would show up? 

“This changes everything! Contact the others!” Jenni hisses as she presses her back against a wall, tight hold on her blaster carbine. She could hear shouts and shots coming from the staircase. 

“It changes nothing. Shut up and keep your cool!” Snarls one of the Shistavanens, turning its wolflike face towards her and fixing her with its red eyes. “Remember that we shoot deserters.”

She feels her eyes widen at that and looks over to the Kyuzu but he’s too concentrated on the fight, his face almost covered by the breathing mask that allows him to be there with them. He had a blaster pistol and something that looked like a shield which she found off but not nearly as scary as all the weapons the fur-covered hunters wore. 

This wasn’t at all about apprehending Hux if it had been then Rey would have been here. This was murder. 

That’s when she remembered that she had seen some of those weapons the Shistavanens had at a museum about the old wars. Ion disruptors had been banned and collected. How could they have not one but two?

This was bad. 

There was a female shriek ending in a sort of sickening whine, the hunters signalled her to follow them as they advanced but she froze, fear spreading through her like ice and not before the remaining man nudged her with his shield did she have enough courage to creep forward. 

The shots and the yelling seemed to come from the theatre they had passed earlier. The air was filled with the stench of melted something, plastoid or flesh. She couldn’t be sure but she crawled closer, peering in only to see one of the knights crushing the skull of Ro-Tahn under its boot as it held on to the fighter's legs. The lifeless body was thrown across the room towards the Shistavanens that were pinned down by the fire from an arm cannon and a blaster, splattering the floor and the walls with goo no-one should have to see.

She’s throwing up before she knows it’s happening. This is way too brutal than it has to be, this is cruel! She can’t even see Naan, Gwhaissk or Bano Zumi any more, there is just so much blood that she can feel her head shutting down as if to shield her. 

Kark this! She’s not staying to have some sick Sith kick her ribcage in so she turns while dropping the carbine. 

The only important thing now was to flee and she does, she runs as her life depended on it. And it does.

Jenni didn’t dare to turn around even as she was racing over the lawn surrounding the house. They had speeders parked on the other side but fear gave her a tunnel vision. 

She wasn’t even halfway to the road patrol when she had to stop. She was panting so hard she tasted blood and her pulse thundered in her ears as she threw up again and wiped her mouth at the back of her hand.

Jonn had of course been one of the people who got to guard the spaceport, safe from the action. If she lived through this, she was going to make sure he was never allowed to lead a mission again and she started to run again even if every muscle in her was screaming for her to stop and rest.

Something is wrong when she’s getting near the spot where the patrol was supposed to be waiting, there is an odd smell even over the one of rain and wet grass, mud and thunder. The small hill is gone, instead, there is a sort of crater there and there is… No, no, she is not looking at that blown up torso, a severed head by the bushes close by. What had she even expected to find? She sees a heavy blaster rifle that seems to have survived but has to peel a hand off before she can get it, her stomach churns again but there is nothing left in there but bile. 

Then she starts to walk again in a sort of semi-run. 

She hobbles the last bit, her body so sore and her lungs burning. The constant rain makes it hard to hear but the lack of anything would suggest the spaceport being safe?

“Jonn!” It’s a whisper at first and she stops, leaning forward to rest her hands on her knees. The wet ground is soaked and her boots are almost stuck when she tries moving again. 

There are a wet, sucking sound and a sharp whistle and she looks up but it doesn’t look like one of them. This one is big and has something covering its face. A mask? Or maybe a helmet?

There is a loud sound and she’s knocked backwards, hits the ground with her back and a splash. Had she been hit with something? The impact itself hadn’t hurt but there was a burning sensation spreading through her abdomen and when she reached down to touch it her hand came away covered in blood. She had been shot. He had shot her! It was… rude, that’s what it was. 

The sky above her is black, the raindrops splatter her face and she has an absurd thought about not wanting to get mud in her wound as the figure walks over to her and raises its boot before stomping down on her face. Kuruk scrapes his boot off before returning to the Night Buzzard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O52jAYa4Pm8


	17. Are you goin' with me? Cause I'm goin' with you

The temperature changes considerably inside the panic room, it’s getting warmer and Hux moves around to see if maybe he can spot where it comes from.   
Are they trying to get in somewhere?

The heat is getting worse closer to the door and he could see the metal almost glowing before bubbling and he stumbles back from it.   
How were they doing this?! Nothing should be able to do this! At least nothing small enough to be brought down to the stairs!

The metal is hissing as if carbonated and a loud buzzing fills the room, the door is glowing crimson, acidic fumes are rising from it making him stay close to the floor with his eyes on the only way in or out like a panicked animal. Maybe he could rush them and run past them? Hide somewhere to buy him some time?   
It does not seem very dignified.   
The only thing he could use as a weapon was a couple of cooking pans if he didn’t want to throw the droid and BB-Hate does a sad whistle before rolling in under the table as if he knew. 

Hux wants to throw up as he’s waiting for the inevitable, his stomach seems to be swirling and he has to shake his limbs to keep them from freezing up in wild alarm. 

What the kark is on the other side?

The locking-mechanism is burnt through and he’s covering his nose with a pillow from the bed when the door is blown off its hinges and he can see it crash into the closet wall outside. The lights are flickering, making it even harder for him to see before going out completely.

Smoke mingles with dust and billows around him, making the scene so much more sinister as he sees the red glare of an overheated weapon before the rest of Vicrul becomes visible and behind him trails two other knights who’re equally splattered with blood, they even leave red shoe prints behind them on the ground and as the smoke clears he can see the bodies of people outside. 

“I'm here to fetch you, go get your things, Hux.” 

“You— you're— fetch me?! Am I a pet?!”

“Well, if the shoe fits… what does it matter what I call you?”

“Kriff you, Vicrul!”

“Are we going to have to force you?” One of the knights says behind him, she sounds amused, eager almost.

About ten to fifteen replies enter his head but none of them seems fitting or hurting enough. 

Afterwards, he wondered what the kriff he thought he was going to accomplish when he tried to dash by them but only made it so much easier for Vicrul to grab him by the throat and push him back into the room. He stumbles and tries to regain his balance but feels the knight grip his tunic and almost hoists him across the floor where he ungracefully dangles from the grip as Vicrul carries him outside and unceremoniously drops him on one of the viscous bodies. 

“Kark!” He covers his mouth with the back of his hand when he feels bile pressing against his throat. The people here haven’t been killed, they have been slaughtered and without white armour to cover it up it just seemed so very…

“This is unsanitary!” 

“It’s your home, not ours.” Came a casual reply from another man, Hux peers at the massive arm cannon and realises he at least should be pleased the whole house wasn’t burned down. 

“Get your things, General. Don’t make me tell you twice.” Hux swallows, he doesn’t like that woman one bit and why did she call him General? Surely he can’t still be…?

He wipes sweat from his forehead before shakily getting back up on his feet, BB-Hate is peeking at him from under the bed and he nods at him to follow. After all that's happened he can’t leave him there.

“Sir? Sir?! Can you hear me?”

The Knights jump and point their weapons as the ginger tries to make them lower it,  
“It’s a droid, she’s just a system yet, nothing physical, just— just stop destroying things, please?”

“I didn’t know you knew that word, Hux. I’m sure Kylo would like it though, maybe save it for him?” Vicrul holsters his gun again and follows the ginger as he’s walking through the basement to something that looks like a very clean workshop.

“Phasma?” He grabs a data card and starts transferring most of his work, taking down sheets and gently pulling them out of Vicrul’s hands as the knight stares at them.

“Yes, sir?”

“Where is DeeDee?”

“I can’t sense her anymore, sir.”

“Pardon?” 

“We found a shot up droid close to the stair. What is all this? Have you made this? And I thought Captain Phasma was dead?” Vicrul sounds confused but then again Hux found that he mostly did. Confused or angry, none of which was appealing. 

“She is, this is PD-01. I was going to put her inside of that.” He nods towards the altered security droid.”

“Cardo? Can you come to our position?”   
He sounds dazed, maybe even impressed so maybe Hux isn’t the only one full of surprises today?

**

He’s allowed as much time as he needs to gather his few things and to save what he can from DeeDee. Cardo is the one who decides when they can leave now and he’s busy going through Hux’s work. He tries not to think about it but he can’t help but feel anxious about them altering something or destroying it altogether.

He’s waiting with the female knight as the other two bring the PD-01 with them, gently placing it down on Hux’s landspeeder.   
It’s not like he’s going to have any use for it, he reckons. He has all the deeds concerning the house but doesn’t think it will matter much once they find the bodies inside. 

He’s karked now, with no place to go but back to the First Order.

“Hey,” The knight named Cardo says once they are aboard a nasty looking ship. Hux is sitting on a stained couch with BB-Hate at his feet. “I like your work, we should work together on the droid. I have a few ideas I’d think you’ll like.”

Hux can’t muster up the energy to get excited over the thought. He’s feeling tiny next to them and can’t stop wiping his sweaty palms on his trousers. He’s getting those old feelings of fear from Vicrul again and Cardo’s helmet is menacing.   
“What is it you want from me?” He tries to keep his voice as level as he can but he’s worried.

He had a position before, he was needed. Now though? What keeps them from tearing him into pieces, as they had with those people at the house? 

Cardo looks at Vicrul like they are having a silent dialogue, a fourth knight is flying the ship and the woman has chosen to play co-pilot. 

“We need you to keep him calm.”

“Who?”

“Who do you think, Hux? And why are you so skinny? Shit and Stars, man. You do not look good.” Vicrul suddenly clicks his helmet open before taking it off and Hux doesn’t know if he’s gasping for the rather rude comment or over the fact that he can see Vicrul’s face for the first time. 

He’s not human which is probably why he’s always had the mask on. He’s handsome though, in a rugged sort of way. His skin is blue and his hair black, the part Hux can see anyway.

“Vicrul!?”

“What?! He’s already seen Ap’lek without her mask.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t know that.”

“I have?” Hux felt confused and Cardo sighed next to him. He made a gesture as if to say ‘go on’ and Vicrul nods.

“The Zeltron on Wanderlust.”

“That was one of you?... I’m just— I’m just a big toy for you people, aren’t I?”

Vicrul shrugs but Cardo shakes his head. “No. But you are just a puzzle piece in a much larger scheme.” Which didn’t make him feel any better at all. It was like being a child again under the ‘care’ of Brendol, only brought out as a sort of amusement for his colleagues and friends. 

Just when he didn’t think things could get any worse they did. Pride and self-worth… thrown to the wind like it’s nothing but yesterday's trash.

He doesn’t talk during the rest of the way, doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink, not even when Ushar threatens to ‘bash his skull in’, just sits in the corner that Cardo places him in.   
The week aboard the Night Buzzard is the longest one in his life and he feels pieces of him locking themselves away as they get nearer their destination. The space inside him just seems to get bigger, soon there really won’t be anything of him left. 

**

They arrive in a firefight. TIEs are swarming resistance ships and an alarm goes off inside the cockpit as Kuruk shouts into the comm, he wants to join the battle but Ap’lek orders him to land. 

The ship shakes and rattles as explosions go off around them and Hux stays quiet even as he’s silently hoping they will be blown to pieces. The last bit is rough but soon enough they are hovering on the repulsor drift before the landing gear is completely folded out and they park with a jerk. 

The hangar looks like he remembered as he was pushed out in front of Vicrul, pilots rushing to their ships with droids trailing past them. An officer he hadn’t seen before is shouting out orders and small squadrons of troopers are being stationed in case they are breached. It’s a mess though. Nothing at all like how it used to be when he was in control, what is Pryde doing? He can see parts that should have been changed or repaired long ago. A mishmash of uniforms from other cruisers and before he even knows what happens he is making a mental list of the things needing his immediate attention. 

It’s a rats nest, absolute pandemonium and that’s when he sees him. 

Ren’s eyes were yellow, not brown like Hux remembered. He was deathly pale and his veins were darker, more apparent. Even the scar glowed slightly like there was lava underneath that could hardly wait before it got a chance to burst forward. 

What in the stars?—

Dressed entirely in black and hulking over the people around them, Hux was expecting his anger, boiling heat of rage and shouting. What he got was the force-user falling to his knees in front of him and pulling him in close. 

“Mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the ending was fitting, please don't hate me >,<
> 
> And if anyone is curious about the odd titles I've had: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3aZFKeUwZpj0ZZqVWIE0aY?si=-Wv4nA2GTdG4t70MvbQiUA


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